Relationship I Realise Now That I Was Making Things Worse.......

[Sunshine71]

Hi friends

I wanted to share that I reaised today I haven't been as supportive as I need to be.

I have been stressed out, stressed with work, angry with the PTSD that is part of our lives, stressed getting my son to school, rushing, working and knackered.

Hubby needs more calm and quiet and I have been creating a stressful environment as I am just so angry that this is part of our lives and really destroying it.

I am doing my best to be more calmer - and even if my little son is late for school he still gets ready in the same time whether I am raising my voice or calm about it.

Just wanted to share as today I have taken the morning out of working to look into support again for hubby - He is just in the right place to do it himself and if I dont help then things are not going to improve....

Hoping that being calmer will reflect and helping him with appointment's etc will take some pressure off of him as he hates doing this.

I am not going to do everything far from it - however I realise now that I was making things worse.......

With love to you all.

Sunshine xx

 

[amethist]

Hi Sunshine,

Dont beat yourself up about all this. It really is not worth it.

One way to get your son ready for school earlier is to try and get him moving a bit earlier if you can. Could take some of the stress away from that.

Helping your husband with his appointments will help him if you can do it. I do that then remind him and ask him if he understands where he has to go and when. A calender with everything on it in plain site will help. Going through it the night before and reminding him where he has to be.

Try and start calming down with the smaller things, then the bigger ones will be easier.

 

[safenow]

Hi Sunshine.
I agree with Amethist, don't beat yourself up. The calender is a great idea. You are doing things as best you can. Start today, where you are and move forward. You really are going in the right direction.Sure do wish I'd had someone like you in my life when I was younger. Heck, I wish I had that now.

Take care,
safenow

 

[Sunshine71]

Wow thank you so much as always wonderful Amethist - and your words mean a lot and I wish you all the best Safenow.

I dont think I am beating myself up... well not much. I know I have ben doing the best I can - however it has to be calmer....

It helping me too.... my son finds it soooo tough getting out of bed - poor thing bless him. After the New Year it will be a much earlier night and getting up earlier too... Even the teacher has commented he looks tired and yawns in class. And this has been while things were ticking over OK ish...

Thanks and love to all of the amazing people on this forum....

Sunshine xx

 

[discarded]

Hi Sunshine, I agree with the others, don't feel guilty about how you have coped. All any of us can do is cope as best we can and there are going to be times when it all gets a bit too much. You need to take time for yourself as well, very difficult I know given the situation. You are doing a great job just wanting to be a supporter and be there for your husband. You have made great progress in just realising one aspect that you can work on to cope a little better. Some good breathing exercises can really help to keep you calm too.

 

[Toria]

Hubby needs more calm and quiet and I have been creating a stressful environment as I am just so angry that this is part of our lives and really destroying it.

Eight years on and I am still doing this. I so admire people that can do the swan thing - all calm and serene on the surface and paddling manically away under the surface. Me? I'm drowning not waving!!!

I think sometimes you just need to take a step back and look at what matters, what doesn't and all the bits that fall between the two. Me? I still struggle to do that, but I have had a bit of a wake up call myself just recently so I am getting better at it - but found myself getting so frustrated with his low mood last night that I realised I was slipping back in to my old ways.

Personally - I think it's just being human, and we're all that xxx

 

[safenow]

Hi Toria. Hang in there. Eight years is a long time. You should be proud of yourself. You've obviously been doing something right. Keep breathing.

safenow