I Realize That I


I realize that I'm struggling to feel my emotions. A lot of them just feel heavy.

I realize the past few months have been very stressful.

I realize that I think everything is starting to catch up to me.

I realize that a lot of things even random things have been making me emotional.

I realize that I feel pretty alone right now.


I realize I don't need a voice, not even an identity. I have a solution, just don't trust and don't disclose. Like work, the purpose is survival, the rest is irrelevant. Enough self pity, and it's easy not to be vulnerable, just disappear and keep my distance, and keep my mouth shut. For my relationships, I'll do what I did before- give them what they want. Good enough.

Too bad sick of being sick isn't enough to get well. :( That is frustrating. But, no one has to know about it. Which is very easy, because feelings aren't of big value in my circles, or with most people, I think.

I'm not sure I feel content, but I do feel better about it. Because I'm tired of wondering if I was born stupid, or just spent my life perfecting it. :laugh:


I realize I'm around a lot of people, who have a lot in common, but not with me. And say a lot of things, which apply to them, but not to me. And do a lot of things, but they don't apply to me. And that is the definition of not fitting in, of not belonging there.


... -->

Waste of space.
And saner archers.
Able to see horizons behind 'it's a job. Not a whole life.'

I also realize fck me, needs are not liquids, needs are whiskey. Nvm. Saner archers.