I Realize That I

[Abstract]

I realise I am probably traumatised. :confused: . :sick:. :sour:

 

[The Albatross]

I realize that when bad things happen to me it feels like a punishment or that I deserved it in some way. Now what do I do about that?

 

[zaniara]

I realize that I have been in depression or dissociation for most of the time my whole life up till now. I realize that when I'm getting out of the dissociation more I face new challenges, since then I need to face some problems I've never dealt with before (nor need to deal with when lost in the fog). I realize that being gifted is causing me problems, and that I don't know how to handle them in a mature way.

I realize that I have a lot of problems with regulating my feelings, and that I need my therapists(and maybe others) help to do so. I realize that I feel so embarrassed about not being able to regulate my feelings that it make them even worse; since the shame is not helping to make them easier to handle/regulate. I realize I'm not stupid as I thought I was(old programming, bad experiences, people telling me I was.) I realize that it's the dissociation that wrecked so much of what I wanted to achieve, and made me seem stupid in the eyes of my self as well as in the eyes of others.

I realize that I'm really angry today, and a bit out of control, and that I need to calm down and DO stuff and avoid thinking too much. Period.

 

[Abstract]

I realize that I have been in depression or dissociation for most of the time my whole life up till now.

I realize that when I'm getting out of the dissociation more I face new challenges, since then I need to face some problems I've never dealt with before(nor need to deal with when lost in the fog).

I realize I'm not stupid as I thought I was(old programming, bad experiences, people telling me I was.)

I realize that it's the dissociation that wrecked so much of what I wanted to achieve, and made me seem stupid in the eyes of my self as well as in the eyes of others.

Yes Zaniara. I have realised all these things too. The second recently. The last one really affected me. I found I went through a mourning process and still am mourning. My reality is still being turned on its head.

 

[Chincho]

I realize that I have been in depression or dissociation for most of the time my whole life up till now.

I have realised that too. It's so hard to change after all these years.

 

[Madhather]

I realize if nothing changes, nothing changes so I have to take steps to make my life better.

 

[zaniara]

I found I went through a mourning process and still am mourning. My reality is still being turned on its head.

Likewise over here. Grief. And reality turned on it's head. Painful and hard. And very chaotic. (But I see some hope in all of it, in the good moments.)

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

I realized recently that a big part of why I don't like to cry is because I feel like if I start crying about the really deep stuff I don't know if I'd ever stop. And it hurts so bad when I cry. The kind of pain that comes from the deepest corners of your soul and wrings and twists your lungs and makes you almost choke and shake on the intensity of the emotion as it moves heavy and thick throughout you.

 

[Miss_Understood]

I realize I expect too much, I'm too unforgiving of faults especially my own.
I realize I have a lot to learn.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

I realize that in a way I'm fighting for my life.

 

[The Albatross]

I realize that I am still pretty cowardly to walk alone among the "normal people" without some peer support. Nothing in my community still.

 

[Abstract]

I realise that whatever I say about when trauma may have happened in my life, I feel like I am lying. If I try to write it according to the stuff I know then there is a big stirring in me. If I even think of saying what I can't know then I feel I am lying and know it is wrong.