I Realize That I

[Recovery4Me]

I realize it is essential for me at this time to work on the cognitive distortion list.
Link Removed

I'm too much of a pussy to kill myself like everyone wants me to.

As I do not wish you to off yourself...this fact changes your absolute of "everyone".
Please consider that there are tools on this board, with other resource threads (such as self-compassion, meditation, ect) and Therapist, call lines that may assist in your healing and kinder thoughts for yourself. :hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

I realize I feel about New Year's, or even my birthday as I do because I have terrible fear of the future, the future a few minutes away & the future longer-term. It was much easier having no sense of a future. I hope in that regard it's somehow progress but horribly frighteningly painful.

I cannot find the words, but 'recovery' on a daily basis means a lot.

Grief & fear aside, stress is really the worst.

I need others' help.

 

[Recovery4Me]

@Junebug :hug::hug: XxOo

I have found that I made a terrible 'island' or rock too and seriously look forward to a future full of hugs to and from you in 2016. Support is key.

 

[watundah]

I realize that the majority of people are shitty listeners and I need new friends.

I have several "friends" but if I try to talk about myself they just aren't interested. It frustrates me because Ive been trained to keep the attention off of myself. Im trying to be more outgoing but they only want to talk about themselves. I have so much to share!! It makes me feel isolated even when Im not.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes, I think that has a lot to do with suicide-prevention.

((((((Dear dear @Recovery4Me :inlove: )))))))

(((((((( @watundah )))))))))

I realize a lot of the fallout from the stress (immediate & post) makes it feel like the ptsd is worse, but it's from that.

Self-care involves physical self-care, but emotional & spiritual self-care too.

I realize self-care makes me feel guilty. And not-deserved for sure. And also selfish, & maybe weak or wrong to require it.

 

[The Albatross]

I realize that using my energy for staying connected is more often worth the effort than not, yeah... even if it hurts.

 

[watundah]

Thanks, Junebug. I appreciate that.

 

[Panda Bear]

Right you are @The Albatross

Wish it didn't hurt so bad to stay connected, even if it is worth it. Wonder if it'll ever be different.....easier...

I realize that human love and connection will creat pain at times. And because so many hurt me in the name if love, I'll always have to try harder at accepting the I am not just loved, but worthy of love. I deserve it! And it will feel good some day.

 

[Recovery4Me]

I realize that often members' takes & kindness can rattle loose parts of my self-compassion that seem to be frozen. This allows a greater reservoir in which to give to others without depletion. It seems often love is circular not in logic but in movement, widening as we let more people into our sphere. *feels true in the moment :rolleyes:

 

[Tinyflame]

I realize from music I hear from that time that evokes the memories, that one of the best, most wonderful, happy times I remember in my life was when I lived basically unsupervised at the beach for about 2 or 3 months when I was about 6. Apparently I ended up severely sunburned but even that didn't hurt (to me), & I can pinpoint it apart from the beach & warmth & nature I had no fear. Looking at kids that age range now, I was woefully way too young to manage as I thought then I could, but what a wonderful feeling that was. I was scared of nothing. No pressure, no responsibility, no pervs, no fighting around, nothing. Every day was a joy.

 

[Lionheart]

I realize that for some reason, I got to spend 4 years with the best little cat ever!!! She was a very sweet and affectionate feline friend and I was very lucky to have her in my life.

Although her passing caused me great pain, I would not trade even one of my memories of her. I realize that she was one of my blessings.

 

[Ronin]

I realize today is a good day and I need to tell me that tomorrow, too. And the day after that. And next decade.