I Realized Something

[somerandomguy]

This is going to sound really elementary, and possibly kind of dumb that I didn't know it, but it's just something I discovered for myself ...

Life doesn't owe you a living. That is, I don't *deserve* anything just because I'm alive, except existence.

I see people struggle hand-to-mouth trying to keep themselves clothed and fed with a roof over their heads. It's sad when people have to struggle to survive, but life makes no guarantees. It certainly isn't fair. Because I am luckier, I don't have to work that hard for survival.

I also see people who are happy with themselves and their lives. They are luckier than I am, because they don't have to struggle in order to be happy. I constantly have to struggle, but that's just how it is. I don't deserve happiness any more than they do.

I guess I can face the fact that I am unhappy, and will always struggle with unhappiness, with a little more equanimity since I figured this out. I don't deserve happiness, but I can pursue it if I choose. I have advantages in my life that I got through the luck of the draw ... happiness is just not one of them.

 

[anni]

Hi again SRG,

It's not a dumb or obvious idea. An awful lot of people duck responsibility for their lives and refuse to make the connection with being responsible for themselves. Those type do not even allow themselves to verbalize this concept, and you just did.

You do, however, deserve happiness. We all do because we are human and noone deserves it while another does not. You know this intellectually but your depression is disallowing it coming alive in you at the moment. Depression even disallows one to possibly imagine one can be happy.

I hate to state something else obvious, but hopefully you do know that it's very possible that the PTSD has affected the seratonin levels in your brain, and causing the intractible depression. I won't write any more about this because I am not a professional, and there are certainly qualified people here who can tell you what it going on with your body chemistry. It's just that there is help out there. Perhaps having come as far as viewing what is happiness to others will give you the energy to find help, and allow yourself that right. You say you 'don't deserve happiness but can pursue it if you choose'. The right professional will help you know that first you can feel happiness,deserve it by way of just being here on the planet, and will certainly claim the right to choose it for yourself given the correct treatment.

Please do keep posting. You're not just pressing your nose against the window and looking in somewhere you don't belong, or seeing things you can't have.

Take care?

Anni

 

[helena]

Hi SRG,

It is an old joke but it reminds me of the jewish psych when faced with a depressed patient... " So, you expect to be happy as well as eat???"

I used to have a life full of superficial happiness... all day, every day. I don't have that anymore, but I do have much more and in many ways, I'm glad that this is now my life.

Weird, I know but I have grown as a result. I use my brain more, I think more and I give more. My goal is now not happiness, but contentment, peace and growth.

 

[a3a2]

SRG,

I have to second what anni says about the seretonin levels being affected. I know an ssri isn't for everyone, but for me, it is a godsend. A very low dose allows me to live a much more normal life.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I, like Helena no longer look for happiness, but rather strive for contentment and peace........I have it, pretty much now, and intend to keep it this way.....

 

[Grama-Herc]

For most of my life I thought it was the responsibility of the "other" person in my life to make me happy. That could be one of the main reasons why my marriages did not work.

We are the only one who can control our emotions, which includes happiness. I am responsible for my own happiness and after a lot of hard work and therapy, I am happy with ME! That is the most important part, IMHO.

 

[GodSeeker]

Yes but the fact is that most people do not struggle so hard as we, sufferers, do. Think about it. A simple activity like taking a walk outside may be very stressful and leaves you without energy whereas for most people it is as easy as breathing. And if that weren't enough they give themselves the right to judge you and look at you as if you were and ET. Tht makes me very angry. I know the stuff about having chemical imbalance in the brain but the truth is so much people are having fun by making a others fearful, stressed and disabled for life.
I guess it was always like that.

 

[Grama-Herc]

You are very correct in everything you just said, and it is a sad commentary about the human race. I have never been able to figure out why some people think they have the right to persecute others. I can't say I've never done that, I don't remember being that cruel, but I don't think I would.

Off topic for a momment-----have you ever tryed to explain our issues to anyone and was it successful? Did they understand what you were trying to tell them. The reason I asked, is because you explained our issues very well in your posts here in this thread.

 

[GodSeeker]

Hello Grama-Herc, I don't know if your question is to me or to SRG but in my case I did not yet talk to anyone about these issues.

Now why some people do persecute others? I am sorry to tell you that I think it was always like that. The weak, shy, decent, polite, modest people have always been victims of the falsely strong, barefaced people. I saw it in myself and saw it in others. I saw it too in the animal kingdom.

You say that you do not remember being cruel but the reality is that everyone acts exactly the same way in more or less degrees. I confess that sometimes I say or do something purposely in order to feel better making feel worse to the other. Of course it was about very trivial things and, TO ME, cannot cause any harm let alone a trauma, but the truth is that it may do harm because everyone has different perception of reality and what is insignificant to me may be important to the other.

We all want to feel better, admired, powerful, strong, fearless, confident, good and generous but sometimes we do it at the expenses of the others. You do FEEL strong only making FEEL the other WEAKER than you are but this has nothing to do with BEING strong.

There is a French proverb that says “Anyone who steals an egg can steal a pig”. This is about dimensions and importance of things and actions. There is no difference between stealing an egg and a pig because to the mind only the action has a value in this case “stealing” regardless of the object of the action so stealing an egg may lead you to steal a pig, a car, jewellery, etc…
There is no such “unimportant things” and “important things” there is only things. There is a birth of tiny things which become big things and what once was a microscopic being will be one day be a huge being that is why one should control what one is doing because every little action has its reaction.

Bottom line: If you can make a bad inoffensive joke abut somebody maybe you are causing more damage than you think and if you can do it without a blink of an eye and not feel any remorse about it then maybe you should monitor your future actions in order to not fall in more terrible ones.

I am sorry if all this sounds like a course of philosophy. It is not. It is just the lesson I learned from a live of suffering and thinking.

 

[anni]

G.S,

Since we're already slightly off the thread I think I'll keep it a little derailed.

I understand what you are getting at in saying that perhaps we are all mostly humbled now, but we all at another point in our lives behaved as did the animals. We've all deliberatley done or said something which made us strong or better or wiser to ourselves at the expense of someone else.The theme here seems to be that we all have this in us inately, and it's what we must fight against?

I can only speak for myself, but there have to be others who got here, to this forum by being the kind of person who is pretty much incapable of inflicting that kind of petty harm on others, even as survival of the fittest. This is not to say that others haven't been harmed by our actions as PTSD sufferers but that is a different thing. I just can't imagine I'm singular in my life in having been born with a disinclination to prove to myself or anyone else I'm stronger, better, fiercer or meaner. As a child bullies horrified me, and I wasn't the only little girl on the playground bucking that system. I had a lovely childhood but have to say that as an adult this lack of aggression certainly made me a dandy victim for those who apparently had spent their own growing years perfecting the whole survival of the fittest techniques.

I wouldn't say actions of mine haven't been to the detriment of others in the past, but can say with absolute certainty that in all of my 51 years I have never had a moment where I looked into the eyes of someone I had deliberately hurt with words, action or intent. I'm not Pollyanna, Ghandi or the Mother Mary and have many, many, many faults. This is just not one of them. I'm pretty sure I'm not all that much of an oddity in saying this, either.

I just think that as PTSD sufferers we have an awful lot of fear/shame/guilt to conquer. Most of it is of course in our heads, and it's not a healthy idea to borrow one more thing to feel awful about ourselves over.

But that's just my own opinion, of course.

Anni

 

[onebravegirl]

There are Human "Doings" and Human "BEINGS" In My Opinion.
Most people fear what they do not understand and we live in a world where there are plenty of distractions for people to use in order to never have to stop and think about their actions. PTSD stops us and makes us reflect.
I consider people who seek out Therapy as Pioneers in "BEING".
The fact that we face the fear/shame/guilt and PAIN is the conquering.
The general public doesn't even think about what they are thinking and doing.They are too busy running, blaming, excusing,bullying, drinking, spending......and a thousand other things.
I LOVE that PTSD opened my eyes.
O

 

[GodSeeker]

Anni,

That is exactly what I meant. We all do things to prove to ourselves and to the others our own value as individuals some with physical aggression, some verbally, etc. We all deeply want ourselves and others to value us. I am not saying that this is bad or good, I am just observing facts and morale has nothing to do when it comes to our survival and the last thing I want is to add some other bad stuff to my own already stuffed ailment.

When I said that one should monitor his actions, I do it from the good side. I mean when you ACTUALLY CAN harm but refrain yourself but not from fear but from understanding, that is strength. When YOU KNOW that you really can damage and REFRAIN that is force. When you HAVE power to act and not use it because it may harm that is strength. That does no oppose the fact that if you are attacked, bullied, insulted or your life put in danger you do nothing, on the contrary, the healthy behavior is to defend ourselves the better we could-We could not help it anyway since our instinct takes over. This is precisely the energy, the healthy energy that wants to get out and express itself that cause a lot of future stress. Unfortunately, MY reaction was of freeze, fear and future stress. I did not what I SHOULD have done. I should have kicked the asses of those who were intimidating me but I was fearful. Does that make me inferior? And what is being inferior? Is fear a sign of inferiority? I thought that all my live until I knew that I did the better I could at that moment, in those circumstances and conditions and could not do otherwise and anybody else in the same conditions would have had exactly the same reaction so I was NOT weaker than my bullies.

This is my opinion and do not want to go further since as you said we are off topic.