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- #25
SeekingAfrica
Diamond Member
UPDATE 2 (because why have a full days without a meltdown???): I am so upset right now! I made that agreement with my landlords that I have until 15th for sure. Then today one of them changes their mind and says 5th, and then there is this long conversation with me crying in front of them cause... well because I asked them, that if we agree until 15th minimum that means I can concentrate on work now. And for 5 days I haven't looked at apartments. We had a super long talk with me explaining I am not sure how I'll manage to figure it out until 5th and then more crying on my side. But the quiet crying, you know, like when you're trying not to. Finally we got to agreement that I have until 15th but with definitely moving out then. Now I am scared and I feel behind on searching and preparing and everything. But also more than ever it's important to be concentrated on work and all that, to know I am building something. Good part is I am surely leaving the big items in storage with the landlord. Other than that I am a mess. So I told him this time to write an agreement and bring it tomorrow for both of us to sign, so they can't change their mind a zillion times again.
And when they left I actually started bawling my eyes out. But then I had scheduled call with my mom, and she wanted reassurance that I will figure this out, that I am having progress, and instead I was hyperupset and uncertain and could barely make it through the talk. Told her I'll have more answers next time. My mind is racing. And lately my side gig only has work in afternoon/evening so I have to make as many notes as I can think of about what to do, but meanwhile actually work tonight, because it's more important than ever. It all hit me like a ton of bricks. There is your lesson. Always be prepared. Always make sure you have plan B. And always always make proper written agreement. I know I have to manage this and that somehow I will, it's just heartbreaking sometimes the moment it first hits. My landlord will be making pictures tomorrow and I probably won't have time or energy to clean more than throwing few things inside the wardrobe or something. I need to think tonight. I need to work. I need to keep getting ready to move fast in the next weeks. I feel heartbroken and sick and broken and afraid. I know I'll figure this out, this is just one of the moments when it all hits you all at once.
And when they left I actually started bawling my eyes out. But then I had scheduled call with my mom, and she wanted reassurance that I will figure this out, that I am having progress, and instead I was hyperupset and uncertain and could barely make it through the talk. Told her I'll have more answers next time. My mind is racing. And lately my side gig only has work in afternoon/evening so I have to make as many notes as I can think of about what to do, but meanwhile actually work tonight, because it's more important than ever. It all hit me like a ton of bricks. There is your lesson. Always be prepared. Always make sure you have plan B. And always always make proper written agreement. I know I have to manage this and that somehow I will, it's just heartbreaking sometimes the moment it first hits. My landlord will be making pictures tomorrow and I probably won't have time or energy to clean more than throwing few things inside the wardrobe or something. I need to think tonight. I need to work. I need to keep getting ready to move fast in the next weeks. I feel heartbroken and sick and broken and afraid. I know I'll figure this out, this is just one of the moments when it all hits you all at once.
