Sexual Assault I Said No To A Boyfriend But He Didn't Stop

[Venator]

Hi Heather,

I've been in situations where I never got chance to say NO because my head had already gone somewhere else. In a lot of ways (especially legally) it would never be seen as rape or abuse. But now I'm going through therapy, I'm realising that morally, it was. I find it hard to believe that any of them never knew I wasn't there mentally and if they were decent, they would have stopped.

Yes yes YES!! This is THE hardest thing to explain to people when they ask me why I never prosecuted him. I did this a few times, after a certain point of abuse. This would've surely caused me grief, anger and strife in a courtroom. I coudn't imagine the flashback-esque meltdown that would ensue.

 

[Lucycat]

but I remember my body enjoying what he did. Even if my mind didn't

This is a really tough one, but makes no difference. Your body responds. It is reflex, natural reactions. You cannot stop it, and just makes the guilt and memory even harder to bear. But it does not make it any less of a rape.

 

[leanne1321]

IMHO this is another perfect example of what happens after sexual abuse and rape. It effects us so deep down that we lose our self respect and self worth. It's sort of like we convince ourselves that were good for nothing else and almost like we want to be abused until we finally get that strength to break out of the cycle. But it still takes a long time and hard work to get to a point where you feel not to blame.

Heather, I'm sure if someone else had posted this, you would be telling them that it was rape. Maybe it feels better for you to tell yourself that it wasn't as there's already alot that you need to deal with.

Even if you didn't say no, your body language would have told him you didn't want to and still he did it and there's no way he can justify it.

 

[cherryblossom]

but I remember my body enjoying what he did. Even if my mind didn't. Does that change the scenario? I still don't think it was rape. I'm not sure what it was.

Heather, I'm sure if someone else had posted this, you would be telling them that it was rape.

This is an exert from [DLMURL="http://sexabuse.ptsdforum.org/threads/my-story.45/"]My Story[/DLMURL] <very graphic warning>

“Your not wet enough yet. Perhaps you need the human touch” He started by touching my breasts, He was groping my nipples, which repulsed me. I was sexually inexperienced. He was turned on when my nipples went hard. I wasn’t enjoying any of this yet my body gave out different signs. He started stimulating me. He was using his fingers inside me and his thumb on my clitoris. I am deeply embarrassed to admit that despite all my fears, for some reason, he made me orgasm. This is something that I can’t achieve today. And whilst it was not pleasurable, it was an orgasm, which made him all the more excited. Maybe if I hadn’t of had that orgasm, he would have stopped there, but I’ll never know. “My little Angel. You love me after all. Now it’s my turn to have the big O”

He unzipped his trousers and pressed the knife to my neck. “Open wide Angel, suck it”. I tried to resist. “Suck it or I slit your throat. Is this how you want to die?”

Other than the fact that I said, "no" and I didn't want him to. Maybe if I had protested more he would have stopped. Idk. He was very verbally abusive to me.

Heather, I know I'm not saying much here, other than offering you quotes, from this site... from survivors.
I had an orgasm. Was I raped? Read that first paragraph from My Story quote again. (And yes it is an actual quote from my story but it is missing the start of the story etc, so it might be considered, taken out of context from the rest of My Story.) Did I say no? Does that one paragraph actually sound like rape? I included the next couple of sentences to the quote, to put it back into context.

I had an orgasm. Was I raped? Absolutely!! That bastard raped and humiliated me in every way imaginable. My body may have responded in the way it is chemically wired to do, but that doesn't mean I wasn't raped.

Now apply that to your situation. Bearing in mind...

Other than the fact that I said, "no" and I didn't want him to. Maybe if I had protested more he would have stopped. Idk. He was very verbally abusive to me.

Were you raped?

I didn't alter My Story from the original at all, but just a small quote can take things out of context. And I think our brains do this to us too. And especially when we are depressed or down, it can skew our thinking.

It's the opposite end to those annoying people who screw up big time, yet never acknowledge that they made a mistake, and never stop thinking how great great they are!!

Back to basics - you said no, he did it anyway - that is rape.

 

[Heather]

Yes, CB it was rape.

 

[cherryblossom]

:applause: