I Surf To Much And It Has Become A Problem. Need Advice

[Mallaky]

Hello.

So, I am very ashamed having to admit this :sorry: but I think I have a problem. I waste way, way too much time in the internet and is has become an issue.

I can just lose hours and hours at a time, not doing anything usefull at all. Not learning anything, no quality entertainment or relaxation or communicating. Just doing stupid, non-sensical stereotypical internet rubbish.
It has just become something I do.

Can anyone relate? I really want to stop this, but it has turned out to be much harder then I thought. I just zone out, no worry in the world, just floating, floating in the word wide web. Lalala :whistling:

I like doing so many things, but I don't do them, because I just have to click on this one link first. And then it will suddenly be two hour past bedtime and I haven't done the things I wanted.

The stopping was harder then anticipated, because I use the internet for many productive things, too. Need to answer this one urgent mail. Whoops, its 3 am already? :banghead:
I put it in this forum because I believe it has to do with anxiety, and maybe even dissociation. Could it really be that me totally zoning out during mindless surfing is a form of dissociation? Really hope this thread is going to help me make a positive change, even if just by admitting to myself what is going on. Thanks to anyone giving input.

(jeez, I really don't want to press Create Thread. Scared of being ridiculed and being ridiculous :confused:)

 

[expectingbetter]

Thank you for sharing, you are not ridiculous at all!
I think it's good you wrote it here, as you said, maybe it was good at least to admit to yourself, that is always the first step!
I can understand why you are doing it and I can relate til some extent, I do that too sometimes and it is a way of escaping reality, I agree with that, I am doing it consciously actually, because I need to escape my reality at least for a while.
I think we need deal more with a problem why we want to escape it so badly :(

 

[KwanYingirl]

I don't think surfing the net is a dissociative activity, but is an effective distraction from feeing anxious. There are times that I spend hours looking up things. There is

 

[KwanYingirl]

Oops hit the wrong button sorry. Anyway I get lost in it too. I spend too much money online shopping and that is a problem once I realized that I was having to buy extra hangers for the clothes. Now I just put things in my "bag" but don't purchase for at least a week. I have gained control over that. Staying up til 3am is probably not good for your sleep benefits. But it is something you're concerned about. PTSD is a lonely disorder and we feel connected with the world when we're reading things on it. How about setting guidelines for yourself that are reasonable expectations. Demanding of yourself to give it up probably won't succeed, so it's better to take it in small pieces. And have a plan for what positive things you can do with that extra time, like sleeping deep, restorative sleep, or taking a brisk walk, or baking cookies. Just ideas. It is the digital age after all. We have to develop healthy limits.

 

[desiderata310]

Try setting an alarm. Going to check email and answer on or two? Set a timer for 15 minutes and when the time is up, close the laptop/ shutdown and walk away even if you aren't finished. Or at least, that's a thought. I have to do that currently. If I'm on a screen too long it create fatigue I can't recover from quickly. And my time is up.

 

[ladee]

I totally understand, and no one is going to ridicule you when many of us do the same thing. To have the world at our fingertips is pretty awesome when you think about it. But I know I spend too much time online myself. I choose to tell myself I am doing 'research', that's a good one... oh, you are wanting to know what to do to stop... ok, I really like what @expectingbetter said... I not only use it to calm the anxiety, but to avoid.. but sometimes the voice of reason breaks thru and I just close it down... guess you could look up internet addiction. I know I'm not helping, I'll go now. :)

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Not learning anything,

Howstuffworks.com is my favorite site.

Can i relate? Not exactly. These 2 support sites take up a lot of my internet browsing and i do allow them to affect my job a bit, so thats not good but im limited since i do have a job and the internet surfing i do is usually google researching something, howstuffworks teaching myself something or using my job's learning center going through some free classes for different certifications in IT (more leaning towards networking at the moment).

Other than that I use netflix, youtube at times but generally my day is used up with the others.

If its a problem, if needs to be dealt with (as like an addiction would). I would limit the amount of time a day. Say 2 hrs or even 1 hr a day unless you are doing schooling of some sort.

The rest of fhe day be productive as you state you arent now.

The internet is totally addicting and can become an addiction. At least you recongize it.

 

[EveHarrington]

There's no shame------

It takes strength to admit you're struggling and reach out for help.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Try setting an alarm.

Thats a super good idea. Set one a few times a day. Its going to take will power.

Theres no shame or embarrasmenr in it. Anything done too much can become a problem and/or addiction and you did wonderful in recongizing it as a problem and that is awesome!

 

[Mallaky]

Thank you guys so much. Amazing people you are.

I have decided to pick up a new hobby. I always wanted to learn how to draw, and this is what I am starting to learn now. If I only cut down my surfing time 50% and put that time into drawing, I will be friggin Picasso end of year.
I have also decided to, for now, drastically limit my time spent on those nonsense, empty bullshit "fastfood" sides that I spent all my time on. I think they are just unhealthy for me and I need to quit browsing jokes on reddit and things like that. So far is really difficult.
Before I decided to do these two things the idea of setting a clock for surfing was scary. What would I do with that all that free time? As some of you suggested, its mostly about running away and "shutting down" the brain, and also filling time. I still feel pretty pathetic about this all, but all your kind words helped a lot in moving forwards.



@expectingbetter Different to you, I did not do it occasionally, I have done it every day for months. :( And it has become a subconscious habit that is hard for me to stop. I agree on everything you said. Which is why I picked up a new hobby. I hope I manage to stick with it. Thanks you for your kind words.

@KwanYingirl Would you say you had a shopping addiction? Thanks for giving me hope that smart ways of dealing with these things can have results. And thanks for making me cry when you adviced having a plan what to do. For some reason that line really hit home. Its your fault I have picked up learning to draw to fill the newfound time. And 3am? Ha, please. I go to bed 5 am every day, or later. :eek:

@desiderata310
Thank you so much for your advice. What a great idea. I have tested it, and it worked! I don't use a alarm clock, hate them, I just use the clock. I also plan to start writing down how much I surf, to get a better overview. Invaluable advice, thanks!.

@ladee
But... but I am often telling myself I am doing research/learning!!! :shifty: Sometimes I really do though. For example I have found a really good youtube channel about science, pretty demanding and in depth stuff, and listening to that I don't count as my surfing time. Do you think I am fooling myself? Yesterday I explained my partner what dark energy and the cosmological constant is, so I have understood a bit!
To me I don't count the things I have to focus on as the problem. Its that zoning out for hours on end. Stupid memes, stupid jokes and stupid stupidness. I agree this is about avoidance. :( Different to you, the voice of reason never breaks through to me and I don't just close the window. That's why that clock advice is so great.
But ... but you are helping! Don't think you arent, please.

@EveHarrington
:confused: :eek: :cautious: :(
:p
:hug:

@lostforgottensoul
Thank you for your input. Oh yeah, its a great site. I have started to prefer more specialized sites or youtube channels then sites like howstuffworks. Sites that focus indepth on one topic, without the banter. I am just no fun lol. But those sites are not my issue, but that senseless brainless mindless clicking of empty nonsense, where one learns nothing and the spent time could as well be set on fire.
Your comment about your job hit home. I don't have one at a moment, and that absence of purpose is probably at the center of my issue. Or at least one of the centers. I am trying to make a change on that by learning how to draw, instead of surfing day in and out. Thank you!

 

[Changing4Best]

There was a time, when I was married, when I got tangled up with a man online that was physically attracted to me. I'd made the mistake of sending him a photo of myself in the mail, just a regular photo of me with a tea shirt and jeans on, nothing alluring. Next thing I know, he wants to meet me in person. I did not know that he was attracted to me, I just thought it would be interesting to meet him, as he and I were both artists and poets and we had something in common that maybe could enrich one another's lives.

All he had on his mind was sex. However, because of my background as a prostituted 6 year old by my grandfather, I was taught by beatings never to say "No" to a man, to smile and be sweet and so on. So I kept up my correspondence with him, even though by the skin of my teeth, I had said "No" to him in person. I just could not let go. He thought this meant that I was interested, but just reluctant, so he kept writing to me. I would be up at 3AM not a bit tired, emailing him and emailing him. We talked by phone. It went on like this for months.

My husband was not the jealous type, and was a very busy man. I was bored. So I could not let go. It went on for years. Me always saying "No" when we met, then us emailing and being in chat together a lot and so on.

Yes, I can relate. There is something about the internet that is seductive. It sucks you in and does not let go. I don't understand it myself, but here it is 8:48AM and I need to be out of here at 9AM and I am still writing this reply to your thread. I forgot all about time. I just wrote and wrote. It happens. I cannot explain it. All I know is that when I am on the 'net, I lose all sense of time!

 

[watundah]

I understand. Smart phones are time sucks! One thing I have started doing is leaving my phone at home. If I am shopping, hiking or dining with a friend, it feels good to untether for a few hours and those activities deserve my undivided attention. It's freeing.