I Think I Am Reaping What I Sowed.

[sonicwhite]

If I am not listening to the holy spirit than how can I. When I took a blow in 08 it was hard. Idk if I was puffing up with pride or what but it took a coworker to tell me she thinks I'm sick. I fell apart after that. I will one day write everything that happen to me so it will give you a better understanding of why I go thru what I do.

 

[sonicwhite]

My Testimony Okay when I was 20 in 05......I started to get paranoid about my ex having another relationship.....I was doing almost pure ICE everyday for two month's. I slept but not often.....I had sex with this gal about four months before me and my ex got together. She gave me a std....Well I go to the department of human services and get all cleaned up. It was one that can be cured. So After almost a year of being with my ex I started to get really paranoid because At the department they asked me do I want a blood test for HIV. and I said yes but I never went back for the results. So I start asking my friend. Do you think I gave her HIV? and they said no but i was convinced that I did......So at the beginning of April I just couldn't shake the thought that I killed her. She knew something was wrong but I wouldn't say out of fear I was going to go to prison. Then crap really started to hit the fan. I heard a voice say PILLS. It was a commanding voice. And I thought my roommates where trying to drug me. So my roommate and I agree to go back to the department and see the result's. Well when we got there every bodies conversation seemed like it was aimed at me.

I started to hear Herpes and other STD's from my friends mouth but he said he didn't say anything. I go back there and they do my blood pressure and My heart was beating so fast and hard she was like did you do drug's?....and walked out to get somebody. I walked out and went to the car and my roommate had to get some teeth pulled so we went to go do that which was only like a half mile away. And I could hear my ex screaming.....I thought I was in a grand theft auto game and the police where just trying to find a reason to bust me.....I left my friend and walked all around the city regretting that I never gotten the result's. I thought my ex was at every corner and all I wanted to do is see her. After finally walking for 7 hours across the whole city I went to a payphone and I called the cop's. The operator that answered was a K9 officer that I stole like 10 gram's of 98% pure coke from two years prior so that made me even more paranoid. I called the cops and told them I gave a gal HIV. You can imagine there reaction and the leading cop that talked to me I thought he was God in the flesh. I ask if I can be taken to a hospital where I could see my results.

Well after fearing I was going to die and making a scene and the lobby TV wouldn't stop talking to me. The cop that worked at the hospital called the cop that took me there and I went to jail for a bench warrant. I go to one or the worst jail in the mid west. Then I went thru detox for five days which I lost it by now.I get out and my roommate has this angry look on his face. I thought he was the devil.....So we go to the clubs I worked at and he loads a bowl of weed and I take a hit and the face got even madder. Now he had some E and asked did I want some so I can chill and I took all five when I was supposed to take one and I wanted to die. I thought I was in Dawn of the dead and cannibals and zombies where after me. After making a big scene at a store a block away. Two cops come and one beats the crap out of me and throw's me into his unit and there I go back to jail the same day. They asked me what did I take and how much and I said five so they threw me into a stretcher and I thought for sure I was going to get chopped up and they shot me up in both for arm's with some gun that knocked me out. I wake up in detox and then I go home.

My fear of my ex cheating on me consumed me so I wanted to see her but I was in no shape to see her. But I did anyway despite her telling me not to come over. Her voice changes into that first cop that arrested me and she grows a blond beard and I thought I could make things move with my mind and everything and made her look bad in front of the entire neighborhood and I walk and she's walking behind me and then a cop comes and tells me I look high so I go back to jail but in a different county. I get out over night and by this time I had lost it. I invited my ex to come over and I told her I gave her HIV and that I cheated on her and a bunch of other stuff.....She said that she was going home and my friend took her home. After about an hour I thought what my friend really did was strangle her and throw her down a hole. Now the cannibal thing was getting to me bad so I go to this house that I ran to and there where red and blue light's on the house and I thought they where cops and they could help me kill the cannibals. So I break there window with the weed pipe I had in my hands...They call the cop's and I go to jail a fourth time. By this time I thought everybody was going to kill me. I stayed in jail for two months get out and get help. My ex breaks up with me I still hear voices but I'm on med's.....And it was truly a living nightmare..

I came to the cross a year later after all of this.....I just felt a tug in my heart that God was close to the broken hearted....and He saved one who's spirit was crushed.


Here is just an example of what it was like.

 

[The Albatross]

I think I'd take a much harder look at the fallen and broken people God used in Scripture. Maybe not to be the next Billy Graham... but God has a way of working through some mighty flawed people.

 

[The Albatross]

Dug this up for you and it was a refresher of sorts for me: Link Removed

 

[sonicwhite]

My purpose in life is to tell ppl when they have went thru the bottom. I mean rock bottom with the Rock {CHRIST} on top of you.......God delivers those who have been to the end of the road, the Prodigal Son.......Desiring to eat food, It's like WOW. God truly does exist......I have had that moment where I realized i was totally safe......In Gods hands in a good and Graceful way.......I go thru the refining fire because God desires to mold what He wants.....Today because of all of you I have come to see that God is LOVE.......He is in total control and whatever I go thru i offer up to Him as a Sacrifice. Thank you all for praying, believing and showing me that i wasn't alone in this battle.




BTW @The Albatross, The link was spot on!