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Childhood I think I did cosca?

  • Post starter Post starter Anon_207
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Anon_207

When I was 6/7 I was being actively sexually abused by my bio dad. Also when I was that age I think I did something with my brother. Nothing happened after and no one believed me about bio dad. I’m 20 now and just buried in guilt about it. I feel disgusting and like an abuser and even tho I didnt continue it after one time I still hate myself for it. I came out that bio dad was abusing my sister as well and he is now in prison. I feel like a monster.
 
It’s more strange for children who’ve been sexually abused NOT to act out their abuse with peers, the same way kids act out every other aspect of their lives in myriad ways. It’s how kids learn, process, and make sense of the world they live in. It doesn’t make you a monster. It makes you a healthy/normal/clever child… doing what children do. That it was sexual instead of baking cookies? Is because of the adult(s) in your life, and their choices. If they’d have been baking with you, or biking, or belly dancing? That’s what you would have done with siblings/friends, instead. Kids are mimics. The more emotionally charged, dangerous, painful, strange, etc. a situation is? The MORE they mimic, not less. Abuse, regardless of what kind, is nearly always acted out. Even when abusers terrify a child into not telling? Because of the way brains work, it seeps out. In play. In art. In interactions with others. You were a kid. And you had a healthy developing brain. Doing what kids do.
 
You were a young child. Many children who have not been sexually abused engage in sexual play and exploration with themselves and others. What you did could fall into the range of normal. At worst, you were acting out the abuse as Friday mentions. If that was the case, the fault rests on your father not on you. You did not continue the behavior. You are not an abuser and you certainly aren't an abuser. I would use this as a chance to practice self-forgiveness.
 
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