I Think I Just Lost Half My Job

[Hope4Now]

I just met with my boss. I work on an annual contract. He has been extremely flexible with giving me time off this year, but now he wants me to sign a contract for a half-time position instead of a full-time position. I was afraid of this. There is a new administrator in the building and a lot of upheaval. My boss is getting pressure from all sorts of places (and the admin team just fired somebody because she has missed so much time). He says I have to be here at work (e.g., not work at weird hours at home) for the hours of the contract because my supervisory capacities are required.

I completely understand where he is coming from. I would do the same thing if our roles were reversed. But...

Not only is this very bad for my family financially, it doesn't really solve the problem that has had me missing so much time at work this year. I never know when the flashbacks are going to hit me. So whether I am full-time or half-time won't make a lot of difference.

And if I have to end up going onto some kind of short-term disability, getting half of a half-time salary is more devastating than getting half of a full-time salary.

He says I can make an argument for going full-time, but it's pretty clear to me that it may be rejected.

The pressure is going to be intense either way...all eyes on me. I have to make a decision by Thursday.

What I'd really like to do right now is run away and never ever come back here again.

Any suggestions/advice are welcome.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am sad you have to go through this experience. Half work is better than none at all. I understand about the flashbacks and all of the other things you surely must be going through at this time.

I am sad about the hardship to your family financially,

Are you in therapy? Have you considered some medication to help stabilize you? I do not know any suggestions or advice. Disability only lasts for a certain amount of time and then you are finding yourself at square one.

I wish you could just quit your job to recover and heal. My heart goes out to you. Hugs.

 

[Hashi]

I think whatever you decide to try for and whatever happens with your job, I would suggest you really, really focus on coping skills, psychic protection and stability. I mean this with good intentions and not as a criticism, that I've seen you say things several times relating to not having strong skills and feeling at the mercy of what comes up when it comes up.

Other people are welcome to disbelieve me, and you are welcome to disbelieve me also. I think there's a great deal that we can do in terms of visualisation, working with the subconscious, bodywork/communication and deep grounding that change how much we're susceptible to things like flashbacks. I've done this myself, a huge amount of work but it was successful.

When people are sceptical, I suggest that they seriously try visualising and doing other work to protect against flashbacks for at least two hours a day every single day for six weeks, then if they disagree after that I would listen. I suspect that if they spent that time they wouldn't be disagreeing at the end of it.

I spent more time each day than this, for much longer. Like everyone else, I didn't have the time to do it, but I did it all the same. Unlike what seems like everyone else, I was confident after a few months that I would never have another flashback, and I haven't. Not even when doing trauma work on the worst of the worst aspects of what happened.

I don't know what's feasible in terms of work now, but if your hours are reduced I would use every hour freed up to work on symptoms and self management (in the sense of management of your psyche). As long as you'll still have a roof over your head and enough money to get by, then to me that would be my first priority anyway.

I know you're probably very concerned about your job, but I personally don't think that's the biggest concern. To me, what's happening with you in terms of trauma/PTSD/healing would take priority. It's like when you try to point something out to a cat, they don't look at where your finger is pointing to, they just look at the finger. I wonder if you're looking at the pointing finger (the job situation) rather than what it points to (your level of coping and stability).

Of course, if you'd be left destitute by an employment change, that changes things. I haven't talked from that perspective because you don't seem to have indicated it.

 

[Meadowsweet]

Similar to what Hashi says, I think to accept part time, gives you chance to put your focus and energy into working on managing symptoms. Then maybe in the future you will be able to go back to work full time.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I am not sure where you live. I am in the US where just a few jobs are contracted. But I will tell you what I went through.

I was disabled at work from overexposure to fumes. I could not work around the fumes and the hospital did not make accommodations for me. They put me on. Medical leave of absence. That means you use up your sick time and vacation time, then you get nothing. I was very sick and this is when my PTSD went into emergency stage. I couldn't get off the couch.

I lost my workers comp because of my trauma history-the Labor board decided I was just nuts. No money.

I took a job at a garden center part time for slave wages. It was safe there no chemical fumes. I applied for disability and it took two years to get it.

That was in the late 90's. I am still disabled but I work part time as an Electrologist making very little money. I am having to sell my house and try to get low income housing.

There's no way I can work full time due to PTSD the complex type. I can't manage the stress physically or emotionally.

My point to you is after 15 years I still suffer flashbacks depression anxiety and dissociation despite years if therapy. Those chemicals did me in and just exacerbated my PTSD.

Are you making progress in therapy to a degree that you can envision being employed full time again? If you answer yes to that, could you handle a half time contract for 6-12 months and then negotiate a full time contract when that one is up?

If you qualify for disability, can you work part time while collecting? In the US you can, but there is a limit to how much you can earn and keep your disability benefit. It's around $1,040 per month you can earn.

If they reject you, do you have protection under the law if they don't offer you accommodations for your disability?

I have a great deal of empathy for you. I was not fortunate to work for a hospital that kicked me to the curb, but that was against the law and they had to pay me a settlement. It helped but didn't come close to what I lost.

You need to make your health your priority, IMHO. Does something trigger you there? I make a third of what I was used to. I have not had to go on welfare but will end up in subsidized housing. I've finally accepted that I am too disabled to work full time.

 

[amy4k]

I know you don't need another thing to add to your list, but I would look at you disability options right now. Like you said if you have to take a leave of absence it would be better at full-time pay. When DID isn't controlled it can play chaos with everything in life. And, if you are not working you can focus on yourself more.
*hugs*

 

[franciemarnie]

All you can do is take whatever action you can and then let go.

If full time is out of the question now, use that time that opens up to completely focus on healing. I am with @Hashi on visualization, etc. Double up your efforts. I have had enormous relief from mindful meditation, visualization and somatic release particularly. I can't afford to do the latter more than once a month but it's been a tremendous help in healing.

The river is going in a different direction for you now and you can't bend the river. Something else might open up for you, something far better than you ever imagined.

When you struggle against the moment, you struggle against the entire universe. Accept what's going on, take what action you can, and then open up to new possibilities.

I lost my job five years ago. It turned out to be the greatest thing that could have happened. But man I was super stressed out at first. I totally know the feeling of fear and helplessness when stuff like this happens. But you will survive this and good things may come about that never could have happened unless you went part time.

Hugs.

 

[Springer80]

I work Monday, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. Would that be an option? It means that I only have two days of physical effort and potential build up of stress before I get Wednesdays off to decompress. After that it's only two days until the weekend. I'm finding it okay. It means I'm not running myself into the ground or using holiday up to compensate when I can't cope.[DOUBLEPOST=1403050106,1403049901][/DOUBLEPOST]Overall though I agree with the comments above....you can't resist what your body needs to do. Long term it leads to complete burn out which is what happened to me. I ended up off work for over a year. If you accept part time hours and manage your way through it somehow, it may very well be the best thing in the end. My burnout was hell, but the new direction I am slowly being able to build now is what I always needed.

Ultimately the decision may be taken out of yours and your bosses hands, your health will make it for you.

 

[The Albatross]

@Springer80 - I did this for a while too and found it a very satisfying work schedule "Two on, one off, two on, two off" was what I called it. I could get by on that schedule and manage better. The job I have right now though, not doable. But this was a good option for part time or full time work.

 

[Hope4Now]

You all are amazing. Thank you. I hesitate to post new threads, but I've posted two in two days because there are so many crises happening in my life right now (far beyond what I've said here) and I've really needed the support as I'm not feeling much in my 3D life these days.

I'm thinking about all your comments and trying to figure out what to do. If it weren't for the fact that this change in my job hours will devastate our family financially, I wouldn't be much worried about it. Working part time would be much healthier for me, I know that. But as it is now, we live paycheck to paycheck and still often fall short (gotta love the non-profit, mission-driven world...sigh).

I have worked in my job for 22 years. The only reason I did not go for short-term disability this year is that I didn't want to leave my boss and our program in the lurch. I'm a bit pissed off right now that because I've had this one bad year, I'm being penalized. At the moment, I think I'm going to have to go in there tomorrow and fiercely advocate for a full-time contract. No wishy-washy stuff about how I can't guarantee I will be able to fulfill it...I mean, I could be perfectly healthy and get hit by a bus, right? There are no guarantees, just trust. And they need to invest that trust in me. It's not like I haven't been there f-ing forever.

Oohh...some healthy anger coming up as I write this. This is good, I think. I never get angry, but I am right now. Well, maybe incensed is a better word.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I have worked in my job for 22 years. The only reason I did not go for short-term disability this year is that I didn't want to leave my boss and our program in the lurch. I'm a bit pissed off right now that because I've had this one bad year, I'm being penalized. At the moment, I think I'm going to have to go in there tomorrow and fiercely advocate for a full-time contract. No wishy-washy stuff about how I can't guarantee I will be able to fulfill it...I mean, I could be perfectly healthy and get hit by a bus, right? There are no guarantees, just trust. And they need to invest that trust in me. It's not like I haven't been there f-ing forever.

As you know, I can relate to the job changes, though mine isn't as drastic as yours. I completely agree with the unfairness. It's not fair that one bad year means to the higher-ups that you need a job change. I hope you do have the strength and courage to advocate for a full-time contract. The rest of your time there should count. I'm rooting for you that things work out in your favor and either way I will be here cheering you on from afar.

 

[Recovery4Me]

(((Hope4Now)))
If you are stateside...then there may be options for partial unemployment, depending on what you have to sign. Half a piece is better to search with for another job, then no job at all. It looks better on the resume without gaps and you can offer they did not have full time work as you interview for another part-time or full-time position.

I can not totally agree on visualization techniques being optimal for selection during survival stress and given your empathic predisposition (ie: altruistic teacher) often we tend to cater to the energy around us, then slowly calm it down. In this instance of loosing tenure and financial security, fear is naturally the first early warning signal. Our natural energy would be flex cycling and 'herding' before cleansing. Now in a crisis, energy may become more as a primal scream.

What I have been doing during my financial change :wideeyed: is to remember the prior times I have pulled it out (with Higher Power Help). With my insides at times screaming:arghh;, I chose to cling to faith. I remember I have made it before. Although I don't know how this is going to turn out, I have confidence that I can recreate from the ashes a new beginning.

No food, I have stood in food lines or gone to church for assistance. Then when times are better volunteer there or donate to even out the karma. Loosing home, find a cheaper rental or I have talked to the mortgage people and roll a payment off during a hard time. Even rented out my own home and found a cheaper apt. Car-roll 1 payment forward.

Why bother(?)- to buy the time you need to find the other job while keeping things base lined as well as secure as possible. You can do this!! Never, never give up!:hug: