I Think I'm Done.

[NIKI]

So I guess the answer to my own question 'how many times do I have to be here before I can get better' is, indefinite UNTIL I do get better. I have to work on what I can do and not what I can't do.

I had to smile when I read this. I like it. It sounds like something someone would say that is feeling better.:)

 

[Innordinate]

I am today. Today is okay so far. Started out not so great but turning out good. For now.

 

[NIKI]

I'm glad things are turning out good. I myself am feeling a little closed in today and it's nice out so I am going to the park for a walk and watch the kids play ball.

I'm glad your feeling better.:)

 

[OKRADLAK]

Hi, In. Your words are much like I feel. You said you have kids...are they enough to keep you moving on?

I am done, too, but I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, hating it all and everything. My country is in a mess, benefits are slashed, there is no hope for me and hardly any for many others.

Once in a while I can see the sky and realize it's the same sky the Roman emperors saw, that Alexander the Great saw......many of us will have longer lives than those great and rich men. Weird, huh?

I guess I just feel that happiness means nothing. So I will end badly. So there is no meaning. For most men and women who walk this earth, the world is a nightmare. For all the many people who were considered nonpeople, those who had no rights, etc.....

Maybe I make no sense. An unhappy mind does weird things to rationalize itself. At any rate, I am sending you strength to just keep going......for no reason yet. Maybe that will come later.....

 

[Srain]

Innordinate, I hope your day is better. You have many times made my day better without ever knowing it. I just wanted you to know that. PTSD IS a liar. I'll forget that over and over again, I hope you will here to remind me, I have loved ones that seem to think I matter enough that this is important.

Thank you so much for posting when it hurts. It's easy to post when it's easy.
(((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))
Sending peace and healing thoughts,
Rain

 

[OKRADLAK]

Thank you so much for posting when it hurts. It's easy to post when it's easy.

I second this! And the hugs!!!

 

[Helliepig]

I am done, too, but I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, hating it all and everything. My country is in a mess, benefits are slashed, there is no hope for me and hardly any for many others.

Once in a while I can see the sky and realize it's the same sky the Roman emperors saw, that Alexander the Great saw......many of us will have longer lives than those great and rich men. Weird, huh?

I guess I just feel that happiness means nothing. So I will end badly. So there is no meaning. For most men and women who walk this earth, the world is a nightmare. For all the many people who were considered nonpeople, those who had no rights, etc.....

This struck a chord with me. You're right, an unhappy mind does do funny things.. I sometimes wonder if I live on the same planet as those great people, how they manage to do great things, - it makes me feel like I've done nothing with my life. I guess there's no way could they have had PTSD!! It feels like a different quality of existence, a sad, limited painful one in relation to these "real" people.

I feel done to, one foot in front of the other seems to get harder over time too doesn't it. We just have to keep encouraging each other.

 

[Helliepig]

. PTSD IS a liar. I'll forget that over and over again,

So true. Never heard anyone say that succintly before, but yes, you're right. Shame we find that so hard to believe.

 

[Innordinate]

You're right, an unhappy mind does do funny things.. I sometimes wonder if I live on the same planet as those great people, how they manage to do great things, - it makes me feel like I've done nothing with my life. I guess there's no way could they have had PTSD!!

I've thought this before. Thought about it. I think it's more likely they ALL had PTSD as a survival mechanism. War is not new. Peace is. And so now there are a lot of people living in peace and trauma is a foreign entity. If it was normal for everyone to have PTSD you would be normal. Anyways that's just my own theory. There are still nations in this world that children suffer worse than anyone I know personally and that's just a normal thing for them. It's a way of raising children and has been for centuries. They don't know it's not good because it's normal. PTSD is extremely old. Not new. Just now it's no longer 'the norm'

My depression, I've realized, is not getting better, even though there are brief glimpses, but I'm determined to not let it get any worse. Trudging is better than stopping. I'm forcing myself to keep moving forward as it's our actions, not words, that define us.

Even if I'm not going to get better I have to keep moving.

Today, I remember PTSD is a liar.

 

[OKRADLAK]

War is not new. Peace is. .

Very well put. Think of all the societies where war WAS the way. Like the Spartans. Of course, I think it was as hard for them as it would be for anyone? This will have me thinking, the conundrum for the day!:)

 

[Innordinate]

Ha! The Spartans are a great example. Their childhood makes mine look like a cake walk.

Makes me feel like an even worse sissy though.

 

[OKRADLAK]

Ha! The Spartans are a great example. Their childhood makes mine look like a cake walk.

Makes me feel like an even worse sissy though.

LoL, In!! I read about their upbringing in Plutarch and had the same reaction......like :eek:

And then there are days when I think, well, at least we would have all been in it together and fought together and had pride in our sufferings together. Think Thermopylae. Maybe we on this forum can think of ourselves as Spartans fighting together. :)