Just having a hard time accepting that a relationship that was very important to me is done because I couldn't stop sabotaging and pushing her away. Its the truth, its done, there isn't much doubt left, its just hard to accept. Hurts. I can't blame her though, if I were in her shoes I would be done too, as from what I have shown her, there is no sense in investing energy or time into me because I will always push her away.
The good news is I think I am finally ready to have another relationship without sabotaging it. Thats huge actually, and I should be so grateful and proud of myself, but right now it is hard to see anything but the feeling of loss I feel, and the feeling that if I just gotten to this point a little sooner I would still have that relationship in my life. Its ok though. It is what it is. Its just so sad the lonely hurt scared little boy who was desperate to be loved grew up to be so scared of love he couldn't let himself have it. That is a sad story. Ahhhhh. Breath deeply.....
