I think its time to end it.....

[FragileGlass]

@Supervixn — I’m actually not sure what gripes she has with me. I’ve given ample opportunities to discuss any negatives I bring to the relationship balance. I am well aware that I have quirks and traits that can be frustrating. Especially when I go into spells of withdrawal and isolation. I’m not one to throw blame in only one direction because it takes two balance a relationship. In here I’m griping about my misgivings..... who knows maybe she has a blog out there ranting and frothing at my failures.

As far as the boundaries regarding conversations on death and tragedies, I have a feeling that she feels left out and is trying to connect to me in some way by discussing it. She knows I talk freely with colleagues and members of Emergency Services it’s because I know I’m not gonna shock anyone, or better yet, I can skim the details because they’re able to fill the visuals from their own personal experiences.

I don’t fault her for not understanding the tragedies I have seen. I’ve told her this many times. I don’t expect her to meet me on that level because I don’t want anyone swimming with these emotions and visuals.

 

[gealach]

boundaries regarding conversations on death and tragedies

Bare with me on this one.

I had someone in my life who, without fail, would wait until we were on vacation and then complain loudly in front of staff and strangers about a particular item of mine, a normal travel item that no one else would notice. It didn't matter how often or how clearly I explained to this person the reason why I use this item, the bitching occurred for several years, starting from the first time I used it. So, I put up the firm boundary, no more complaining about it. The very next vacation, checking in at the airport, it started. Loud and embarrassing, the employee at the counter was really uncomfortable, and the people checking in beside us thought there was some kind of major problem. I started to explain and justify this item's existence, for the umpteenth time... and then I stopped. I said firmly, we've had this discussion and you owe me an apology. You're not talking about it again. Cue the offense and the how dare you shocked look on their face. It happened again later at the destination airport, and I said you owe me another apology. Again on arrival at the hotel, and I said you owe me yet another apology. I simply refused to engage. Period. The bitching has stopped, because this person CAN'T apologise (and I know it), and it's no fun to play this game by yourself. I can't change that person, and my standard explanatory reply wasn't working, so I changed the dialogue.

Your GF repeatedly bringing up deaths in your area, is obviously much bigger than constant bitching about a travel item (my embarrassing nuisance vs your ptsd trigger, not in the same league). Your GF either can't or won't respect your boundary, as you've communicated it to her. So maybe changing the dialogue after she's broken the boundary might help? No more explaining, just you owe me an apology.

Have you heard of the spoons theory? this might also help.
https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/