I Think Meth Screwed Me Up

[sonicwhite]

I'm now reaping what I sowed. I can't stop sleeping. Cravings come in waves and I'm like one step behind the way I was before I used it.


I'm not going back to it but I fear maybe I screwed myself over by doing it. I just don't feel right. In my mind and body I feel sluggish. Putting things off. Life seems so much harder now.



I did it to myself. Is this normal?

 

[ms.mermaid]

My partner found himself addicted to a research chemical being presented as "Bliss", but was a compound based on mephedrone. At 19, after six months of drug induced Psychosis, he landed in rehab.
He hasn't used since, but the struggle is real.
He is 5 years out from rehab, but the fact is, he works hard to maintain any energy, and it really damaged his memory, as well as his ability to focus.
He craves stimulants sometimes, but he understands that the other side effects pose a greater risk to his health and happiness.
It's much easier to control his cravings, because he has people who know what he's been through, and can deal with his attention difficulties. We'd rather him be healthy than the best conversationalist.

Stay strong. :)

 

[Friday]

Short Answer :

Yep. Totally normal for methamphetamine withdrawal.

The rule of thumb? Whatever the med did for you? Coming off of it will do the opposite for awhile. Racing thoughts >>> Sluggish thoughts. Etc. For most people, the worst goes away fairly quickly, and eventually completely over time.


***

Long answer :

Amphetamines have a fairly short kick, because they have a fairly short half life. 3 days for the worst of it, then it gradually steps down over the next 30 days, 60 days, 90 days, 6mo (PAWS tends to set in here), 12mo, 18mo, 2 years.

AA chips/ coins/ keychain tags are built around Alcohol Withdrawal patterns... Each coin marks the most common end to a certain stage of withdrawal/ recovery/ suckiness. LOL They aren't just random time markers! Conveniently? Opiates & most stimulants tend to follow the same withdrawal patterns. As you pass each time marker? Look back at how different things are now.

Certain other meds & substances (benzos, ludes, etc.) have very different patterns : the first 3 days in alcohol/opiates/stimulants may be the first 4 months of a benzo kick. The half life of some of these meds is astronomical, weeks and months instead of hours.

It's going to take some time (approximately 2 years) before everything returns to absolute normal. The worst of it, though? 3 days. 30 days. 60 days. 90 days. 6mo. 12mo.

All of that ^^^ totally separate from PTSD. Generally, the more recovered you are from the addiction, the worse the PTSD symptoms are going to get without treatment. Addiction just adds a whole 'nother layer to deal with on top of PTSD... Which is a big part of why Dual Diagnosis treatment is so very different from "simple" drug&alcohol treatment, or "simple" mental health treatment. Dealing with 2 things that each spur the other on.

Have you looked into Dual-Diagnosis treatment @sonicwhite ?

 

[sonicwhite]

Dual diagnosis is what I need. My current doctors have no idea how to help me. The temptation to use any drug that will take away the pain is so strong idk if I will make it in life.

 

[The Albatross]

No meetings in the meantime in your area Sonic? I think I'd seriously consider them. I am dual but the appropriate therapy wasn't in my area so I did AA and therapy. NA would be a good fit for you seeing as how you already accept a higher power... or as another shared Celebrate Recovery.

There is a book that helped me a lot with the program... given to me in St. Petersburg at a down town meeting... there is Biblical basis for the steps and I was able to embrace the program more fully knowing that. "Serenity: A Companion for 12 Step Recovery (Complete with New Testament Psalms and Proverbs)." I also recommend "I Need a New Pair of Glasses" by Chuck C.

Predating that publication are the "Golden Books" by Father John Doe. Hard to find but they come in a 14 book set. Titles are: The Golden Book of Action, The Golden Book of Attitudes, The Golden Book of Decisions, The Golden Book of Excuses, The Golden Book of Happiness, The Golden Book of Living, The Golden Book of Passion, The Golden Book of Principles, The Golden Book of Resentments, The Golden Book of Sanctity, The Golden Book of Sanity, The Golden Book The Spiritual Side, The Golden Book of Sponsorship, and The Golden Book Tolerance

 

[Justmehere]

The temptation to use any drug that will take away the pain is so strong idk if I will make it in life.

Being tempted and drawn to use again is also common. This is another withdrawal symptom. Some people have to stick themselves in rehab to keep themselves from using during the withdrawal period. Once people get out of this phase, the desire to use will be less as well. Some people can quit without inpatient help, but use other supports like AA, NA, Celebrate Recovery, various outpatient treatment centers. A few people do it all alone with sheer force of will. I have a friend who quit a 15 year daily crack habit using only the support of friends and a sponsor.

I highly suggest calling an addiction medicine clinic. Most of them handle dual diagnosis.

You are doing a really good and difficult thing. Don't lose hope, much of this is to be expected and will improve with time. You can make it in life.

What steps are you going to take today to get safe healthy support for how to handle the desire to use?

 

[sonicwhite]

I substance abuse secretary called and we where talking but she had to sign patients out but we where getting somewhere.




man the cravings are so bad. I look at life and see nothing but gray and would love to have color in it but IDK what to do about that. My depression is so bad. I feel like this will just go on and on.

 

[seedling]

It will change. Each minute is getting you closer to your goal.
Can you call a hotline to talk to someone?

 

[seedling]

we where getting somewhere.

This is great. Give this process time to work for you.

I don't see this as your "fault." Just your responsibility. You have had trauma in life, it messes with you and takes all you've got to get over it. Stay plugged in to the system somewhere to get help to get through this.

 

[Neverthesame]

Take it one minute at a time. You can do it mate. It won't last forever.

 

[MysticRose]

Hi,

I've been a speed-user for over a year, this was 13 years ago. At one point, I realized that this was not what I wanted and I stopped cold turkey. I lost a lot of weight while using speed, and I did not get many cravings. It helped me to start eating very healthy. Many fruits and yoghurts. It may sound silly, but that helped overcoming the cravings I had.

And.. don't expect too much from yourself. Your body tells you something that's totally different to what your head/heart tells you. Stay strong...Take it easy, and seek help whenever you feel the need to. Once you're over this part (your body is simply detoxing now), it'll get better.

 

[Fadeaway]

What you are describing drove my mother to commit suicide. I witnessed her cycle high-comedown-get high again- come down, one too many times not to know that was the motivating factor. So did you screw yourself over? Forgive my bluntness as this is a subject that tends to get me a bit riled, but did you screw yourself over? Yup. Can you break the cycle? Yes, you can.

What your body is really craving are it's naturally made chemicals. You flooded your body with synthetic chemicals, and your brain responded to the excess but shutting down the production of your self-made chemicals. You have to give your brain time to recover and realise it isn't going to be flooded from the outside, so it can start producing the naturally occurring chemicals again.