Childhood I Was A Victim But At The Same Time I Was Also To Blame?

[Friday]

Forgive me if talking about religion is banned on here or something- am not sure if it is or not.

Putting my Moderator Hat on for a moment; We value diversity of opinion, experience, & belief around here. :) We do not censure outside of personal attack & suicidal posting (suicidal ideation is fine, and often a part of PTSD, but suicidal intent is beyond what this forum and it's members are equipped to handle). For more on how the forum operates please feel welcome to read our Community Constitution & FAQ | My PTSD Forum

 

[purpleswirled]

thanks Friday and waltermitty. I can see how some self blame is helpful and up to now i have found that in some cases it helps because then i can say that what was done to me wasn't that bad? But at same time the idea that what was done to me wasn'r that bad uosets me beacuse it means i am oversensitive and self pitying over something very minor. The abuse had to have been serious and bad. otherwise I am just a self pitying freak and i cannot cope with the idea that I might be at self pitying freak . i already hate myself and i can't bear the idea that i might have subconsciously exaggerated it for attention or whatever

because then it would confirm what my dad always said- that my mental illness is fake and that i'm just putting it onto get sympathy. if that is true i don't want to breathe another second of oxygen

 

[Teasel]

Hi @purpleswirled :)
Nothing you have written makes me think you are faking anything. Everything you say sounds to me like someone who has been through a lot of abuse which is not your fault.
:hug:

 

[purpleswirled]

thanks- it means a lot to me to be believed. i know i can't accept it that i wasn't to blame but part of me needs/wants to hear that i wasn't. bless you Berlinda

 

[Ronin]

Yep.

Not to blame.

If you were abused? You were not to blame.

& However much portion of responsibility you had? Still doesn't translate to blame; still not to blame.

 

[purpleswirled]

Yep.

Not to blame.

If you were abused? You were not to blame.

& However much portion of responsibility...

Thanks Ronin. I hadn't thought sbout there being a difference between blame and responsibility. I didn';t know there was one?

 

[purpleswirled]

Really struggling today...need to reach out to someone. is anybody there???