General Challenge of being sufferer and (ex) supporter at the same time

[Ecdysis]

Things in my life are in suuuch fragile balance right now. I feel like I'm tiptoeing on really thin ice to avert everything spiralling into a disaster. I've basically got zero ability to deal with these shitty ex-picking-up-his-stuff visits.

 

[Weemie]

Ex is here to pick stuff up, done in due ADHD style as usual.

It does make me wonder how much of this "ADHD" shit is just him making excuses to violate your boundaries, and has found an excuse that you seemingly believe/accept. Because for me, "ADHD-style" would be arriving at your house, throwing as much shit as humanly possible into wherever I am throwing it, and not bothering to even organize/stack/whatever it at all (turning it into Object Jenga, most likely) and it would take like 20 minutes max. For me, "ADHD-style" is extremely fast and haphazard, not 10-hours. I couldn't imagine doing 10 hours of anything in a row, let alone something as mind-numbingly boring as moving. Sounds like he just wants an excuse to f*ck with you.

 

[Ecdysis]

It does make me wonder how much of this "ADHD" shit is just him making excuses to violate your boundaries, and has found an excuse that you seemingly believe/accept. Because for me, "ADHD-style" would be arriving at your house, throwing as much shit as humanly possible into wherever I am throwing it, and not bothering to even organize/stack/whatever it at all (turning it into Object Jenga, most likely) and it would take like 20 minutes max. For me, "ADHD-style" is extremely fast and haphazard, not 10-hours. I couldn't imagine doing 10 hours of anything in a row, let alone something as mind-numbingly boring as moving. Sounds like he just wants an excuse to f*ck with you.

Yah, I dunno...? I do know that his ADHD makes seemingly simple tasks a nightmare often enough... But I'm also hypersensitive to my boundaries being trampled on atm and overreact when it happens...
Anyway, we've managed to agree to him only coming once a fortnight to pick up remaining stuff, so that seems a lot more doable for me.

On a positive note: I'm starting to settle into living here alone and am starting to settle into a routine. I'm managing to do all the tasks my ex used to do. My depression is starting to lift a bit, so I think it was definitely the right decision. Also, my finances have stabilised a bit. It turns out that the Disability Allowance that supplements my income from work had been calculated wrong and I was getting $500 less per month than I was entitled to... So now I'm sleeping more soundly at night and things seem a bit more manageable.

Had the first session of a women's group run by the local women's shelter today. It was good. The theme is (re)building self-esteem.

I'm starting to feel a bit more grounded and regulated. It doesn't all feel like an impossible nightmare anymore.

 

[Ecdysis]

I met with a friend today whose partner has really bad ADHD too. Her best friend whose partner also has really bad ADHD was there too. We've been joking for a while that we should meet up and start a self-help group.

When ADHD is so severe that ppl are unable to work and are on Disability Allowance because of it, then it's not just "a bit" of ADHD. It's hard to describe what living with an adult with that level of ADHD is like. It sounds relatively "harmless" to ppl. But it's just as hard as a partner with PTSD, IMO. In some ways even more so because there's often more denial, blame and oppositional behaviour with severe ADHD.

I want to try and meet up with this friend regularly. I've got so much to process about this ex-relationship.

 

[Friday]

It's hard to describe what living with an adult with that level of ADHD is like.

Superfun! But that’s me and my own personal preferences. Other disorders, no matter how much I might like the person themselves, I cannot tolerate whatsoever, or have very limited windows of tolerance.

The same is true for most people. Some disorders they’ll get on with, some don’t bother them, others drive them crazy, or they simply cannot tolerate.

On a positive note: I'm starting to settle into living here alone and am starting to settle into a routine. I'm managing to do all the tasks my ex used to do. My depression is starting to lift a bit, so I think it was definitely the right decision. Also, my finances have stabilised a bit. It turns out that the Disability Allowance that supplements my income from work had been calculated wrong and I was getting $500 less per month than I was entitled to... So now I'm sleeping more soundly at night and things seem a bit more manageable.

Good on!

 

[Sweetpea76]

Anyway, we've managed to agree to him only coming once a fortnight to pick up remaining stuff, so that seems a lot more doable for me.

I’d take him out of the equation and box his stuff up and leave it in the garage or something. “Come get it tomorrow or it’s going on the curb.” It’s your place now, not his anymore. You don’t have to be a storage unit so he can drag things out.