Identifying My Anxiety And Panic Slowly

[dougyhowzer]

Hi. So today I was waiting for the subway train , when all of a sudden, I started to feel my anxiety twirl inside. I then got these bad thoughts and a voice saying that it was a mistake to get rid of the laptop , desktop and game console yesterday, and that I should take it all back because I need it and that I can't live without these stuff.

I managed to say to this voice that I was tired of history repeating itself these last 10 years , and that I reached my limit .

My anxiety subsided shortly after

 

[Enelya]

I'm curious. When you say you heard a voice, is it your own voice or someone elses?

 

[dougyhowzer]

I'm curious. When you say you heard a voice, is it your own voice or someone elses?

Most likely someone else

 

[Enelya]

That's interesting. When I have panic attacks, I hear my own voice in my head either making things worse or making me calm down.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I just wanted to add the question; was it inside your head or outside in the world around you? It is possible to hear your own stream of thoughts normally, or those of an abuser internally with heightened anxiety. It's possible to hear your own thoughts but feel detached from them with dissociation and anxiety. It's also possible to have psychotic type features such as auditory hallucinations with anxiety and panic as well.

May I ask these questions: What caused your rise in panic - was it just the regret or something like crowds on the train around you or both? And secondly, why did you feel the need to get rid of all of these devices at all, let alone all at once?

Personally I can't function socially and I live in my laptop - I need it to get by - well, I say that if I didn't have it I could still live but it would be a bleak, boring and bland life with no stimulation or entertainment. For me I need something to distract me from all the shit around me and my laptop gives me that but you're posting here which means you must have some digital connection. To me it seems self-destructive and overly punishing on yourself to rid yourself of all of these at the same time, especially if you're anything like me who lives through technology. I'm just trying to get an understanding to help me answer and understand the situation.[DOUBLEPOST=1403723074,1403722801][/DOUBLEPOST]Do you have any calming/grounding or relaxation techniques that can help you reduce and relieve anxiety?

 

[Tinyflame]

I need to do that to quit smoking. I mean, to ride out the quit-start again thing. :(

 

[dougyhowzer]

@Kas_Can_Fly

Well I can't be certain as to why my anxiety just started. I do know that it started out of the blue . I can say that when I do something's that take me beyond my comfort zone , I usually get anxiety and those types of thoughts that I mentioned earlier in the post.

I would certainly disassociate my self from those thoughts to at the same time , or the result would be making a phone and taking back all the technology.

As for the technology stuff . I have to say that technology only became a good distraction for the most of my life because it was the only way to connect to my family .

No one in my family took me seriously what my real needs were . I was forced to live in a way to cater to their needs ; their needs only mattered.

So that is how I developed a gaming addiction , and along with all the verbal, emotional, and physical abuse, I learned to live in fear and obedience or else I would have to suffer the consequences if I did ever try to challenge my family 's authority .

 

[KwanYingirl]

Well, you've come to the right place! Perhaps you may want a 12 step program for your gaming addiction. I successfully quit drinking with the 12 steps of AA.

I am sorry to hear that your home life was so unbearable. You certainly qualify to have transient 'from out of nowhere' anxiety. And you recognize that you dissociate, clearly an adaptive response to an abusive situation that you have no escape from.

But now you're old enough to put them aside while you set off on a journey towards calm and restful waters. There's a lot you'll have to unpack, but believe me, it's worth the work.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Consider the panic and anxiety and related side-effects then as withdrawal - realise that you will struggle and that's normal and part of the process and don't beat yourself up over these things.

How long have you been gaming? A year, three, ten? Giving up anything else would give you panic attacks and increased anxiety too. The habit won't break over night. Cut yourself some slack and in the mean time, good luck and :hug:

This would be beyond me, so respect to you.

 

[dougyhowzer]

Thanks again for the feedback everyone ; I do appreciate all of it.

I was just thinking that perhaps one of the reasons my anxiety is related to going out of my comfort zone is related to childhood probably . There were quite a few times when I decided to run away from home .

To be honest running away was actually joyful because it was like the only choice I could make of my own free will.

Of course though at some point , I dredded the return home because I knew I would get spanked pretty bad and yelled at.

As for how long I have been video gaming . It has been 20+ years.
I also did go into a 12 step program called Adult Children of Acholics; my biological father was an acholic for over 20 years and went into AA countless times.

Sadly the 12 step program didn't really work for me because I don't think it was the right type of program .

What I needed was a good Christian counsellor and get some professional help , and the trust and work I have done with my therapist has been a blessing ever since my 1st session