Relationship If I Had Known

[Glara]

If I had known that telling him I care would make him push me out of his life, I never would've told him. If I had known he had PTSD, and what that meant, I never would've allowed myself to fall for him.

I never thought he wouldn't be in my life anymore, except once every few weeks to say he's not dead. I have to let it go. I just don't know what to do. Do I say something, do I just block him? This just sucks so bad.

 

[shimmerz]

Honey, (and I say that with all the caring in the world), I think you have been damaged through this. Have you gotten any guidance with a therapist? I think that would be so very important and helpful for you. You are internalizing this and blaming yourself. And conflicted. I think maybe it would be good if you could speak this out with someone who could work it through with you. Much love, Much Light - Shimmerz

 

[Friday]

Saying something just puts the ball in his court and leaves you waiting for an answer. The ball is in your court now. Take it and run with it.

 

[shimmerz]

The ball is in your court now. Take it and run with it.

Friday is so right about this. This needs to become about you.

 

[Sweetpea76]

@Glara , hon, he cannot be more important to you than your own happiness and well being. It's not his call, because he obviously can't make it. You have to make the call for yourself. Don't let him be in charge of your happiness. :hug:

 

[shimmerz]

Do I say something, do I just block him? This just sucks so bad.

Now that I read this post again, I see what you are asking. I am sorry I didn't address that right away. I would suggest that you let him know that you are hurting and need to stop talking to him. If you do that verbally first and he doesn't pay attention, do it in writing. If he doesn't honour that, then yes, the next step would be blocking. Be mindful that you are ready as well though because if you tell him to stop talking to you, then you cannot contact him either.

 

[Glara]

@shimmerz thanks, I don't know what I'm doing yet.

What's amazing to me is that there's not one single person in my life that knows any of this. Out of the 3 people that did know some of it back in Oct, 2 of them have checked out. The only other one is my friend who's daughter passed away. She's been the most supportive inspite of all she's been through. i can't burden her with this, it's too much for her to deal with.

The other problem is my health issues. For the past 2ish years or so there's been a lot of changes but they weren't showing up in my bloodwork. Since my blood pressure has skyrocketed I'm being taken a little more seriously. I've also started to show other things as well. My PC recommended as endocrinologist who is very good. She's running a serious of tests to rule out Cushing's syndrome. I have all the symptoms, but it's very rare. One of the symptoms is severe depression. The others are more physical. If I do have it I'd need surgery. If not she'll treat my symptoms with meds.

I've been very frustrated that not only am I going through this PTSD stuff but my health is not stable either. At least now I feel like somebody is really helping me. Now I just wish I had a friend to talk to. This place is the only place I have to talk to anyone. I feel pathetic.

 

[shimmerz]

Cushing's syndrome.

I know of Cushing's. I am very sorry you are going through that.

This place is the only place I have to talk to anyone. I feel pathetic.

I think that the best thing that you can do to get back your power is to take care of your physical health. I have been on the feeling pathetic train before and the only way I know of getting off of it is to start making healthy decisions for yourself. Lots of people have made suggestions on the board. Is there anything you feel you can take from their ideas?

I wonder if perhaps you could forge new friendships on this forum by reaching out to others and offering a helpful hand to them when they are in crisis. It is hard to feel pathetic when you are helping others. Take great care.

 

[falling_wave]

It makes me sad when a label such as ptsd is used as a reason not to fall for someone, invest in them, or whatever. I also know how hard the symptoms can be and how hard it is to support or watch someone go through that. I second others that just as he is clearly doing what he needs to do to manage you need to take care of you. You don't need to take on all his struggles. Communicate your needs and boundaries clearly and if it doesn't work then move on but but please just a suggestion don't blame it on the ptsd. Anyone can make choices to take care of themselves over others, neglect a relationship, communicate poorly, etc. I think if two people with needs communicate and respect each others needs either it works or it doesn't but that's life. No one person should be responsible for the problem or taking care of the problem. This is not meant to be confrontational at all. I just wanted to share a view I personally feel strongly about. I hope you can get support for your needs as well and I wish you peace.

 

[Futuremrs]

If I had known that telling him I care would make him push me out of his life, I never would've told him....

I hope you don't truly feel that way...as a supporter I know it's hard. It's a push pull and I don't completely understand what he's going through, I just try. But you definitely need to take care of yourself. I know I stopped for over a year and now I'm not myself and I'm dealing with it. Don't give everything because then there's nothing left. I've had family tell me my love life isn't a charity case. Just because someone is broken doesn't mean they are unlovable and it's completely understandable if you don't/can't deal with it. It's so hard and many times I just want to give up. Let me know if you need someone to talk to.

 

[mellysail]

@Glara
Please don't think that the help and support provided here isn't helpful. Because it is. But other types of support are also helpful. I've seen some folks attend Al-Anon meetings, others go to therapy, others are very careful with self care, some do all of the above. I'm extremely fortunate that one of my oldest friends and her wife both suffer from from pretty significant health and mental health issues so they've been a pillar of support, as has my father, a vietnam vet.

Please take care of yourself. Whether you continue this relationship or not, you need your own health!

 

[Pebbles5280]

Put yourself first, take care of you before you give him a second thought. You need to talk with someone about what you've been through with him, what you feel and what, if any, contact you want with him in the future. I agree with the Friday and SweetPea, you are in control now, do what you need to do for you.

Take care and best of luck.