If The Story Of My Life Helps Others, Then Let The Story Be Told

[nycowboy]

I was bullied too, Russ. Much like you. Boots were a way to reclaim my masculinity. I get it.

 

[RussH]

I was bullied too, Russ. Much like you. Boots were a way to reclaim my masculinity. I get it.

Thanks

 

[nycowboy]

I've been reading some of your earlier stuff, and there was one entry from Jan. that really struck a chord - about not being liked, and thinking because people were whispering that they were whispering about me. I can so relate.

Being bullied really stinks.

 

[RussH]

I can so relate

This is apparently comon with people who have been bullied as I have been. There are so many things I have suffered with for years, and did not realize it all related back to my bullying. I truly hope my writings have helped you.

 

[nycowboy]

They have, good man.
If nothing else, it is very comforting to know that I'm not the ONLY one that has been bullied. I'm not the only guy always the last one picked on the team in gym class. I'm not alone. Until I started therapy last year, I never understood how pervasively bullying had invaded my adult psyche.

 

[RussH]

I was also the last one picked for the team, but the first one picked on.

However, I have since learned that not everyone is an athlete, but there are many things athletes cannot do that I excell in. We all have our strengths, sometimes it just takes some of us longer to discover them.
I am presently persuing becoming a chef. I love to cook, and I am good at it, and I know there are others that can't get past the instructions to lift the plastic wrap before putting in the microwave.

As far as being picked on; I am learning to not let that happen, and more importantly I am learning how to deal with it.

I am glad that my writings have helped you, weavingcowboy, you are right, you are not the only one to be bullied, and the effects of bullying can be very pervasive in our lives. Do you ever wonder why it is the nice kids that get bullied? I think, perhaps, there is something in the bullies that sees a quality in us that they cannot match, so they preceed to tear us down.

I hate it that my past history of being bullied causes me to react to people and situations in a negative manner, but it is still my reality.
I recently went to a public event, and felt very uncomfortable in the large crowd of moving people, and that is a result of my having been bullied. I think there are times I have unconscienously not gone to some things because of the fear of being in large crowds.

I sure hope those who bullied me got the full measure of pleasure from it, because it has cost me a lifetime of pain, and it has cost me my past job.

 

[Notsowild]

There is still a lot of bullying going on in schools. I have two granddaughters who are being bullied. One because she has acne and her teeth are slightly crooked. The other because she's tall and overweight. They seem to learn a lot more about bullying nowadays but it's still rampant in the schools. The principal knows about it. My one granddaughter is in counselling. What do you think about talking to these bullies parents about them? I hate what is happening to them.

 

[RussH]

What do you think about talking to these bullies parents about them? I hate what is happening to them.

I do not think talking with the parents will do any good. I think the parents of your grandkids need to talk to the prinicipal, who then needs to talk to the parents of the bullies. If the principal will not, then your son / daughter needs to take it to the school board, and if that does no good, then to a lawyer. I would also let the principal know if nothing is done about the bullying, the legal action is possible.

I would also find someone who can work with your grandkids to teach them how to deal with the bullies (not violently) but give them the necessary skills to mitigate the way it affects them.

I really hope you can find a way to stop the bullying, because I do not want to see your grandkids suffer the way I have.

 

[RussH]

How do we handle adversity? As a christian certainly we turn to God and lean on his strength, but setting that aside for a minute, how do we handle adversity?

I will admit the circumstances of my life these last 6 months came closer to driving me to my knees (not in prayer) closer than anything else. Suffering a very intense flashback brought on by my former co-workers, and having it demolish me emotionally to the point of going on anti anxiety medications, and on top of that losing my job; well it has been a real trying time in my life.

I was thinking about this yesterday as I was working at my new job. This job, at least right now is part time, and I am making less than half what I had been making, an hour, at my last job. I found myself asking the Lord; "is this some kind of a sick joke? I lose my job for something I should not have been fired for, and now I am working at a job I don't enjoy, does not use my talent, or skill sets, and does not provide an income that I can live on." It was, overall, a pretty good pity party.

However while the circumstances of the last six months may have driven me to my knees; it's really up to me whether or not I stay on my knees. I choose not to. Instead, I am going to work hard at my present job, be the best employee I can be, and continue to work to improve myself, and develop skill sets that will allow me to rise from the financial ashes that life has put me in, and earn more income tha I have ever made in my life.

It is my goal, by this time next year to be making more than I made my last year at my previous job.

As I have mentioned before I have enrolled in an online culinary school. So far, the lowest grade I have received on any assignments I have submitted has been a 91, and the last two have been a 100. When it is all said and done I will be a chef providing a fine dining experience to others, and earning a good income doing something I enjoy.

So how do you handle adversity? You look it in the eye and spit into its face. You use it to make you stronger, wiser, and better.
This is how I handle adversity.

 

[RussH]

Well we welcomed a new member to our family today; no not another grandchild, although one is due in November. We welcomed Tia. She is a six year-old Malt-poo, a crossbreed of a Malteze and Poodle. She is really sweet natured and will make a good addition to our family.

I, for one, love how a dog can enrich our lives, and after the last six months, my life can use enriching. I am looking forward to having her be part of our lives.

 

[RussH]

I get so tired of hearing people say" just get over it." This is not something typically being said directly to me, but rather I might read it on a social media in a post, or when I had a former pastor who's answer to past trauma is "get thee over it."
Why do the non traumatized people think you can just get over it? In there defense they will frequently also post I just don't understand. And that is the reaity, they do not understand the damage trauma does to its victims.

I recently read a post from a friend, old high school friend, about this, and she was saying how we don't need all these anti bullying laws; the victim should just stand up for themselves. She just does not understand that a victim frequently cannot stand up for themselves, and if no one else does, then the traumatizing goes on and on and on until the victim is a broken individual that feels like something inside of them has died.

I did not respond to her post; in part because she attended the school that I was so traumatized at, but in reflection if she ever post that again, or any of my other school friends post something similar I will respond, because if I fail to educate them on why stopping bullying matters, then bullying will continue and others will end up damaged like me wondering how life would have been different if I was not living with the life-long effects of bullying.

I wish I were normal. I wish I could hear things like I need to talk to you without having great fear of critizism and rejection. I wish I could see my failures as opportunities to try again, than futher evidence that I am a complete failure. I wish I could wake up in the morning realizing that my life has meaning instead of the reality that I am completely insignificant.

I was taught all to well by my abusers that I meant nothing at all. I was just a play toy to be mistreated, abused, and left on the garbage heap. And now my recent experience at work as reinforced those feelings; that I do not matter. The people who caused my trigger to be engaged at work, and put me into the worst emotional time I have ever experienced as an adult still have their job, and me? I get terminated; thrown out on the garbage heap by a so called humanitarian organization.

So when someone "says just get over it and think anti-bullying laws are not needed, then I will take that has a cry on their part to be educated on why bullying must stop.

 

[RussH]

Today has been somewhat of an emotional day. I am off my anti anxiety med, with my Doctor's approval, but I am also facing the reality that my personal income has gone from middle income to below the poverity level.

When I looked at my schedule today, and realize that I am only making about 30 percent of what I was making a year ago, and thinking about how incredibly unfair I was treated by my former employer, the Red Cross, I was treated horribly by co- workers and frankly they should have lost their jobs over the way the acted, but I am the one who lost my job. I was a victim, and then futher victimized by my employer. When I thought about it today, well it made for a hard day emotionally.

I was abused as a young person, then treated in a manner that caused the mother of all emotional flashbacks to the point that I did not know if I would survive it. As a result of my woundedness I used a poor choice of a metaphor about being defensless, and my employer fired me. Here I am almost 58 with no real hope of being able to retire, or even survive financially for that matter. And why? because years ago some people thought bullying me would be fun.
Now. because of an unfeeling, so called humanitarian organization, that threw me under the bus during the worst time in my adult life, an organization that failed to protect me in the workplace, even though similar things have happened there before, fired me when the people that mistreated me continue to work there. How is this fair?

Today is the first day I have serious considered the possiblity of suing my former employer for the failure to provide a safe environment. This kind of thing should not have happened.