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If You Could Change One Thing....

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I would change the way I treated my brothers and sisters. I resented having to take care of them when we were growing up. I hated being punished for the things they did. But that happened to all of us so I guess that does not count. I would love my husband more and my kids would not have been exposed to alcoholism and emotional and verbal abuse from my husband. Boy this is turning into a tear jerker.:(
 
I'm crying just thinking about it. I mean really how much control do we have in the first place. I can not change how I reacted to my ex when he kicked me out, but it was because I didn't react that my life turned out so wrong.

If I could change it I would have never married him and would have stayed in New York and finished my bachelors degree in filmmaking.
 
When I'm in my right frame of mind, I'd go back and change to never having started smoking when I was 21. Even though, I had always absolutely detested smoke and cigg's prior to starting.

When in a hopeless and dark thinking, feeling and self-loathing state, I'd go back and change, my mind on that very moment in time while in the ambulance, in which I chose prayer and family over that very-strong-drift-away-pulling of me.
 
I would of gone with the one I loved, instead of letting fear control my decision making. This moment in time changed the course of my life.

This is the biggest regret of my life, I threw away my chance at happiness. I loved him till the day he died.
 
So much of my life centers around the fact that after my mother kicked me out of the house, I returned. I didn't stay with the very loving and supportive family that had taken me in. I even learned later that plans were in the works to set me up in an apartment. Instead I went back to live with someone, whom I later learned in therapy, had wished I had never been born.

I always think about what direction my life would have taken if I hadn't returned. I eventually got out of the house for good, only to end up with what I knew, someone who was as abusive as my parents.
 
I would change the way I treated my brothers and sisters. I resented having to take care of them when we were growing up. I hated being punished for the things they did. But that happened to all of us so I guess that does not count. I would love my husband more and my kids would not have been exposed to alcoholism and emotional and verbal abuse from my husband. Boy this is turning into a tear jerker.:(

sorry giz.
 
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