If You Could Talk To Past Tormentors, What Would You Say To Them?

[RussH]

I have been thinking alot lately about the people who tormented me in school. I wonder what I would tell them if I had the opportunity. I think, for the ones that truly tormented me, I would simply ask them; why? Why did you do this to me? Did you get a sufficent ammount of jollies from it to justify the life-long damage you have done to me?

To others that participated innocently (pulling an innocent prank.) I think of one person in particular that pulled a prank, (She did not normally participate in harassing me) that was the straw that broke the camel's back.
I would like to see how she is doing. I truly hope she does not even remember the incident, but I suspect she does. If she remembers it, then I would want her to know that it is ok; I know she did not mean to harm me. I just hope she has not had any negative long-term effects from that incident. If so I would like to relieve her from any guilt associated with it.

Finally to the person in authority I went to for help; the person who showed me contempt and refused to help, I would ask why? Why did you not do your job? Why did you refuse to help someone you were tasked with helping? I don't understand, so make me understand why you produced such an incredible pain in me by refusing to help, and thereby rejected me as a human being worthy of your time.

Do you know that I have lived a life time of pain, of no self esteem, of feeling that I don't matter, not liking myself and feeling like a failure as a person, because you choose to to distain me when I was weak and hurting, instead of holding me up? Why did my value as a human being mean so little to you that you would allow others to dehumanize me and treat me like garbage? I don't understand.

This is what I would say to my past tormentors. And what would I say to any who would try to torment me today? it ain't happening!

 

[arfie]

It took me a long time to be able to remember those tormentors as children acting out the confusions of their world. Seems my memory of them aged right along with me. Remembering them as children has gone a long way in helping me to understand it. Doesn't justify, but it helped me drop the defenses and find some peace with it.

Gentle hugs, Russ. Standing up for yourself is an all important start.

 

[RussH]

@arfie, I do understand about the aspect of them being children, although the worst year was eighth grade, and we were young teen agers. However the last one was a teacher, an adult in his mid to late thirties. He is without excuse.

 

[arfie]

Eighth grade was a gnarly year for me, too. A superstar of The Academic Gnarlies. Was for my sons, as well. I hear tell it remains the toughest of the educational transitions. I have heard US teachers requesting combat pay for teaching Junior High School.

In my own healing journey I am currently trying to separate the raw emotion from the personal judgements. That is no small feat for me. I just look so damned good in my Judge's Gown, swinging my Hard Wood Gavel... But that is me. When I originally put on that gown, I simply needed to get it through my head that, "No, it is NOT okay!" Not now, not ever.

Good step, Russ. May it lead you to healing.

 

[therisa]

@RussH I have tried numerous times to understand, why my younger brother made my childhood and later, a living Hell, but every time, he rebuffed me. It has gotten to the point, I had to break off, all relationships with him, for my own healing. Would ask him, to call me, after he sought treatment for his addiction, and not live in, denial.

As for my mom, she will never understand, my need to live my life, as a woman, even though I have made every attempt to educate her, about what it means, to be transgendered. This hurt me, the most. Especially, as I am, finally, comfortable with myself, for the first time, in my life. To my mom, I would ask, "Do you miss me, not being around, as your child?"

And for the two boys, who made Hell on Earth, come true for me, from grade 5-10, being abused or neglected at home, by your parents or caretakers, is no reason, to continue the cycle of abuse, on others. Often wonder, if they have manage to turn their lives around, or have become part of the prison system, for their abusive behaviour, towards others. Would ask them, have they broken their own cycle of abuse and started their healing.

Thank you, Russ, for posting this, as I needed to get this, out of my system.

 

[Britt.f7]

I would ask why they thought what they were doing was funny. I can still see their laughing faces. I must have looked terrified. How could they have thought that was funny?

 

[ClairBear226]

To all three, I would say this: "You tried like hell, but you haven't broken me. Despite your best efforts, I've grown into a strong, confident woman. I have a good career, a wonderful family, a nice home, and everything I need. Your efforts to break me only made me stronger."

 

[RussH]

Thank you, Russ, for posting this, as I needed to get this, out of my system.

therisa, you are welcome.

 

[Lucycat]

Just two words, and the second one is 'off'.

 

[RussH]

@therisa. If you have read some of my other post, specifically my trauma diary, then you will know I am a christian. And I also know that can cause you a certain amount of trepidation.

I wanted to tell you that I am well familar with the bible, and I can find no place where I am given permission to judge non-christians, or at least people that do not actively profess the name of Jesus. I do know that I am commanded to love, and I chose to do as I am commanded, to love.

You and I may find areas that we disagree, and at that time we will have to agree to disagree, but these areas will not stop me from being your friend, or loving you as a fellow human being.

blessings to you my friend.

 

[RussH]

Just two words, and the second one is 'off'.

Hi Lucycat, while I completey understand your sentiment, I hope at some time you will be able to let go of the anger, as I am trying to do, and find a certain amount of peace with the memories of those who abused you.

 

[RussH]

@ClairBear226 : Good for you! I am glad you have not only survived the onslaught, but you have thrived because of it. That makes you an inspiritation!