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[Deleted member 1860]

Laurie you sound like you're in the middle of an episode of sorts. Have you slept recently?

 

[Neverthesame]

He said don't tell anyone? f*ck him. Tell the world.

Don't forget "damaged" is not the same as destroyed. You were in the army right?
Then you know full well, that in order to get stronger, better. You have to look at why something is damaged or a weakness. When you learn and accept that, you can fix it, make it stronger. Turn your weakness into strength.

Improvise, adapt and overcome.

You can do it mate.

 

[meltot]

If you're dealing with these awful feelings, you've arrived somewhere you were not previously. You are not beating yourself up for the abuser or putting the abuser's lies or intimidation in front of your feelings anymore, and that's progress. It's still hell on earth, but remind yourself whenever you can. He doesn't deserve to have any impact on you.

 

[Diamonds]

I'm so sorry for what has happen.
We are all here for you

 

[Fadeaway]

Seriously, yyou know those garbage islands that are popping up in the ocean. We totally need to ship him out there. I don't think anyone in their right mind could come up a justifiable excuse for what he did to you. There is none! I am so angry on your behalf.

Beside, there are a lot of creative people out there that would love to get their hands on a broken t.v. because they see it as a canvas for a beautiful work of art.

 

[SnowJo]

I remember as a child being raped in the anus repeatedly, sometimes at knife point. I remember being...

I want to kick the shit out of him for you!. I cry inside for you and wish I someone had protected you. I hate the fact that you felt bad the next day! I feel Angry that you were left alone to suffer this!
I hope you know that HE HAD NO RIGHT TO DO THAT! and you wer a beautiful innocent child that deserved to be protected, cherished and cared for, listened too, nurtured, loved.... Please please do these things for yourself now!... You're worth it.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

Dear Forum Friends,

Thankyou all for your kind words and concerns, It is comforting waking up to the replies I have on this thread and makes me realise how many people there are out there in the world who truly care and if they could have, would have been there to protect and look over me.

:hug:s to you all :D

 

[deer_in_headlights]

Dear Mr. Laurie,

I'm crying - for you, and with you.

I, too, was raped there... It breaks you in ways that are nearly indescribable.

I apologize, I could only read a tiny bit of what you wrote because of the intense pain and distress that I feel along with you.
I hear your soul-cries, and cry this pain alongside you - holding your hand...

We're going to beat these bastards and live. We're going to make it. We're already on the right road to healing, and we're not going to let the creeps who did this to us destroy our souls or lives.

We're going to make it. You are wonderful - don't let the shame, fear, trauma tell you otherwise. You are a good person, and you are a force of good this hurting world desperately needs. You're stronger than the mentally weak and morally depraved bastard who did this to you.

I'm with you...

 

[missyfjr]

Dear Mr Laurie,

I am so sorry this happened to you. I can't find the right words (if there are any) to express my disgust at this "being" for all the hurt he has caused you but I think you are so very brave, and strong, and wanted to tell you that.

Sending hugs, strength and kind thoughts your way...if you accept them,

Missy.

 

[StellaBlue]

Dear Laurie,

I am so glad you are feeling more connected today. Please remember that there is a huge difference between this:

I FEEL DAMAGED !!!!!

and this:

I ***AM *** DAMAGED !!

You are not damaged. And I think feeling and expressing your shock and anger is a truly good thing. In DBT, we are taught that shame is (generally) unjustified and the way to heal unjustified shame is to bring it out of the shadows, make it public with people that won't reject or hurt you. You are doing that. Well done.

 

[Weemie]

people want to say shit like, you know, “what people do to you doesn't become you.” or, like, “you aren't your past.” or all this other shit, “aww boo hoo you're not damaged.” well, ykw, this shit damages us. it seeps into our brains and molds our emotional and psychological development, absolutely. but the good thing about being human is that we have the ability to make better choices than the ones people made for us. we can choose more, choose better.

did we learn to walk through the fire, did we learn to be kind to others? did we learn that sometimes there isn't a ceiling for pain? sometimes i like to think of my trauma as lessons. did we learn that sometimes people aren't any less f*cked up than the capuchin monkeys whose mothers bash in their infant's skulls for sport? brains are like genetics. one wrong fold, one misfired synapse.

what can we carry forward, you know? whether or not you're defined by this shit, because i know i am. but at the end of the day, damage isn't everything. we've all got damage. it's not the end, it's not a value judgment.

i think that's where we get all of these cognitive distortions from, like, we view humans the same way we view coffee makers. if it's broken, throw it out. but for humans, when we're broken, we still have intrinsic worth and value to offer, because humans aren't designed to just do one thing and then when that's broken we're thrown out. we don't just make coffee, that's it, done. we still have the capacity, through our actions, to introduce elements of good into the world.

whether or not we're damaged, or whether or not we're even remotely functional. damage isn't a value judgment, not when it's applied to humans.

 

[StellaBlue]

I understand what you're saying @lightraze. My point wasn't to suggest that trauma can be cured by examining and counteracting our cognitive distortions. If my post came across as being "Pollyanna-ish" or simplistic, I apologize.

damage isn't a value judgment

Damaged - by it's definition - is a value judgment. Damaged means an injury or harm that reduces value or usefulness. I think our traumas leave us feeling damaged. I believe that none of us are, in fact, damaged. Nothing that happened to Laurie has reduced his value or usefulness. Simply by being human, he has value.