Childhood If You Were Big/strong/powerful Enough To Hit Your Abuser Back, Would You Have?

[sedna]

I dont think you'd be taken out of the home at your age @Mafia_Science. She'd have to have someone to check in with, somebody would be dropping by and asking how things are going, she'd be given counseling that's mandatory. There'd be parenting classes or anger management, depending. Im not familiar with NY.

You wouldnt have to tell about the worst things either, you know. Just enough to get an eye in your life and make her accountable while you have to live there.

Its possible that she would be furious at first, but as she was forced to control herself and get some counseling, she may really want to change also. Maybe she doesnt know how to do it, so she defends herself instead of saying she's sorry.

I'm not making excuses for her, I'm only pointing out that the woman is obviously miserable. She may welcome a change once she gets forced into it, you never know.

Either way, you need to stop being afraid of what happens to her. You look after yourself, if she wont do it.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Mafia, I can't remember.... How does she treat your sisters?

 

[Mafia_Science]

@Mal Content they mostly avoid her because of her fiery temper and constant yelling. She would never hit them though.

 

[Powder]

I did beat one of my abusers to protect my younger sibling and was able to fight them/stop homicide.

One of my T's said that prognosis is better with PTSD if the sufferer once was able to fight back.

I reminded her though that there were many, many other incidents in which that wasn't an option.

 

[Abstract]

@Mafia_Science
I'm really sorry to hear you are in this position. Are you afraid of retribution if you speak out? I;m assuming your sisters were spared what you went through. ? So she is physically abusive to you presently at times but not your sisters? What about verbal abuse to you all? No pressure to answer anything you don't want to.

It sounds like your father participated before but now lends a blind eye. It also sounds like they are still together. Do you have an aunt or uncle that could help?

You don't need to tell them the worst stuff if you don't want to be removed. It depends on how dangerous the person is but it can be helpful if they realise someone is watching them. It could scale it back until you are old enough to leave. And it could help you feel more powerful and help you realise you do have a voice. I;m guessing from the title and thread topic that that is effecting you. It took a while for me to realise it affects me.

You have many powerful tools available to you and some of those are the ability to reason, and self and other awareness, I can see you have these. Don't underestimate your strength. Would you like to speak through this more? If you wish and at your own pace.

 

[Mafia_Science]

She never hit my sisters, ever. The verbal abuse is bad. I can't remember a time she talked to me without yelling at me, not exaggerating. We don't talk to her usually unless she's yelling at us.

She says things like "If I knew you were going to be this way, I would've never had you." If I show any sign of compassion or kindness to others, she accuses me of acting like a girl or being gay (both of which are not bad things, but you can see how it can be damaging to a 15 year old boy). She calls me names all the time, tells my sisters to stay away from me, or they might turn out to be like me. She says creepy things, not sexual or anything, and I know she will never act upon what she says, but nevertheless creepy and scary. I don't want to say what.

I want this to stop, but she just opened up this new small business that's doing really well, and I'm afraid that telling anyone could hurt that in some way. I have nobody to turn to. No family or anything. I'm at a loss for what to do because reporting her to social services would make her furious. She would want to put me into foster care, or tell people about how I betrayed her.

@Abstract @void @Mal Content And everyone else: thank you so much for helping me through this. It means more than you can imagine.

 

[void]

@Mafia_Science

My path has many similarities to yours.
I left at 18.
After much pain and growth, I excised her from my life.
She still affects me EVERY single moment and I'm older than your parents.
She has damaged you even more than you know.

She is wrong. There is no excuse.

I wish I could help you.:(

Learn about 'attachment styles' and the impact of 'neglect'.
Learn about 'parental attunement' and how we are damaged by lack of same.
" " 'emotional dysregulation'.

I was SOOOO fvcking confused when I was 15, I didn't know any Psych.
All I knew was her endless screaming tirades.

 

[Freedomfighter]

The abuser was my mother. I was taller and stronger than her by the age of 13, but the abuse cont...

I think about that but I never do that, because then they would win, I would lower myself to their level. I have tons of abusers who have tried that, who will yell at me, who will place their pathetic carcass in my path, just to provoke me. They are little loosers, nuff said.

 

[Kailani]

Mafia science

If I knew then what I know now I would have left the home and tried foster care cuz any protection that you can give yourself from the abuse may stop 5 years of torture later on down the road from the effects of the abuse. The effects are worse than the abuse!

 

[Abstract]

I want this to stop, but she just opened up this new small business that's doing really well, and I'm afraid that telling anyone could hurt that in some way. I have nobody to turn to. No family or anything. I'm at a loss for what to do because reporting her to social services would make her furious. She would want to put me into foster care, or tell people about how I betrayed her.

@Mafia_Science
I thought a little before responding as these things are complicated and I don't want to influence you unhelpfully. Only you know the full truth and nuances of the situation you are in and the personalities you are dealing with. I think what we can't see when we are in it is that there are other things and options outside. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. :(

Would going into a foster situation be worse for you? I know there are a lot of unknown factors. Who the people will be for example.

I can't see anyway that telling a social worker would affect her business. If she tells people you betrayed her she is likely to make herself look bad and it sounds like you get verbally abused already anyway. Is there a telephone service like the NSPCC in the states? Child protection in the UK Over here you would be able to speak to them anonymously and get practical advice and support.

What you are dealing with is very damaging and Im sorry its happening.

 

[Angel inside me]

When I was 14 I hit my mom back as my dad who knew nothing walked in the door. He hit me so hard I flew across the room. I was still under 100lb at 18. She continues to occasionally get physical with me through my adulthood. Hitting her back just made my life worse.

 

[moshpitmunkey]

Hell no...never...still extremely terrified to even think of doing so..