Relationship I'm Bitter And Angry It's Over

[Pam]

Check your credit rating. He may have or will continue to use your credit to make bad financial decisions. Buy safety lock insurance if possible. Change your credit card and gas card numbers right away. Check and double check all investments and bank accounts. Call the therapist and his work, yes, his work, and tell them you are no longer a couple. You don't have to say why, just say that you want to make sure than any business having to do with you as a couple is no longer active and needs to be closed. Call the MVD and tell them which cars you own and which ones you don't. Unfortunately, parking tickets are against the car, thus the car's owner, not the driver. Check all accounts having to do with cars and car insurance. Take your name off his, and his name off yours. Make sure, SURE, his car is only registered in his name. There are so many ways these days that a user (regardless of the cause) can continue to wreck havoc with your life, even continuing to cost you money to cover the damage they continue to do in your name or when pretending to still be a couple. Do not ask him about any of this. He will tell lies about all of it. And he IS doing you know what with her. Likely, with several others as well. Take care of yourself. You have a lot of tasks to do.

 

[Pam]

That apartment he lives in? Check to see if the rent agreement, heat, utilities, phone, etc accounts are in his name only. Find the manager/landlord, and check it out. Go over every credit card statement, if you saved them, and look for payments to utilities from your credit card. He may be using your credit card to make on-line payments of utilities he has in his name, another reason to close credit card numbers and get new ones. Let your attorney see these to do lists as he/she will have more advice that I can't think of.

 

[Grainne]

{{{{CC}}}}} Hugs for you honey! xo I hope you feel ok today.

I'm amazed by your strength - getting everything in line, taking care to put yourself first in this. VERY well done.

 

[Pam]

Get new checks and numbers. He may have blank checks from a joint account or your account. Get new savings account numbers. Take his name off all life policies. Remove your name from his (can be used to get credit). If you have a PO box number, change it. Users can use bills with payment addresses to get credit (IE proof of residency). He may be checking your mail box before you get home to hide financial statements. So get a locking one. Post on the box that only mail addressed to you will be accepted. Call the post office and make sure this is known.

 

[Pam]

By the way, there are 50 guests who are viewing. Get these things done as soon as you can. Staying ahead of a user to stop the damage is nearly impossible. Even one you once loved.

 

[ISupportHer]

CCurry,

First and always: :Hug_emoticon:

Before any comments, before any observations, before any suggestions. Just know that your friends are here for you. Hurt for you.

I, like others, are stunned. Still stunned almost 24 hours later.

It seems that for right now, you do have a handle on a lot of this. It may not seem like it right now to you, but you know that it could not continue like it was. You faced it and, yes, you can hold your head high because you gave so very much of yourself. His not accepting the relationship is something he has to own. His not doing what is right is something he has to own. It is so very sad that you are the collateral damage when he cannot do the right thing.

I want to just add that I think Pam has some good points even though it may be hard to think in those terms right now.

I wonder how you really feel at this very moment.

There are lots of posts here I agree with. I keep going back to the "It's not your fault" thought. You gave 110%, hell, more than that. I think that once you are back on a little solid ground, you will continue to give 110% in whatever you do. Work, family, friends, another relationship when you are ready.

When you are ready, any one of us are here to listen, to cry with you, to hold you up when it is hard to go on.

ISH

 

[CCurry]

Thanks again guys, it does give me strength to receive your kind words. This journey has been brutal and the last few days have been demoralizing. I feel like hell, not sleeping, not eating but I'm sure I'll snap out of it sometime (hopefully sooner than later).

For a man who had earned rose to a high rank, received tons of medals for bravery, he sure was a coward. All my pain should have ended months ago if he manned up and did the right thing. Pam, thanks I appreciate that list and the only other thing that we had jointly was an bank account and I was right on that to transfer money out of it and close the account.

Hi ISH, not trying to pat myself on the back but I really did do give so much more than 100 percent. It's a shame but that's life.

 

[cynelena]

C,

To say that I hurt for you right now would be an understatement. I would have to say though, that above all, I KNOW that you will be OK. You have shown so much strength and courage through this ordeal. There wil be times that you don't feel like fighting the fight, but the life that awaits you at the end of all of this is going to be so rewarding!

Oh sweet Karma! May it come in great waves and quickly. I'm here for you.

Cynthia

 

[growingpains]

Wow...that is really tough. Good for you for calling him out on it and good for you for deciding it was time for a moment of truth...however painful. You are brave, and strong, and courageous. I hope that you at some point are able to find someone that treats you both as well as you deserve and as well as you treat them. You have made the first step towards that person, though one should always find strength within oneself first and foremost. I am here for you too.

 

[Deleted member 541]

We all know that PTSD is never an excuse for bad behavior, but this one goes beyond this. I think he used his PTSD as a cover up, for his behavior. He blamed PTSD for his *triggers* so that he wouldn't have to spend time with you, and then spent the time with her. Inexcusable behavior period......................

I'm sorry, but if you believe that they spent all of this time together and they weren't engaging in sex, then you are more gullible than I gave you credit for Carmela. You are a smart woman, and way to smart to have someone pull that line on you.

I wish you well in all that you do, and I do hope that someday you find a man worthy of YOU!!!!!!!

 

[Pam]

She Cat, I know you mean well. But some men are VERY good at covering. Some women are too. We are all at risk of falling for this. It is because they are that good at it, not because we are bad at detecting it. The minute any one of us thinks it "can't happen to me", you put yourself at risk. It does not take a gullible person to fall for this. It takes a very good lier.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Pam,

Please re-read what I wrote. I referred to her being gullible ONLY about the fact that he stated that the relationship with this new woman is NOT sexual.