I'm Confused - Resurfaced Fear

[Nicolette]

An incident occurred about 3 weeks ago where I guess the actions of another person 'triggered' some of my anxiety and fears.

What I don't get is that now I am seeing my past abuser in the street (well, I think I do and my heart misses a beat) and I now keep seeing cars similar to his...... the fears from 5 years ago seem to have resurfaced. I thought I have overcome the fears to the point of Anthony even getting me to drive down a street my abuser would frequent due to my fear of running into him.

Now I am angry - at what I don't really know but I feel like I have gone back to that state of panic/fear I left years ago.

I can't get into see my therapist for a few weeks so I would appreciate it if anyone could offer any insight - especially into the anger as I don't like it.

I took my abuser to court, he was charged then got off on the double jeapordary rule where the second judge decided he deserved a lesser sentence which the first just dismissed. I felt ripped off especially as the police forced me into the court process as I was a witness to my own assault.

I have been feeling the desire to call this ex and lash out at him but we all know how useless that would be.

Any ideas would be appreciated.

 

[allitherapy]

Hi Nicolette,
I sometimes go through something similar. I recently thought I saw one of my abusers everywhere I went. I would see him out of the corner of my eye and freak out. Of course, he wasn't really there. It made me really upset because my anxiety over this particular event is usually minimal and I was angry because I felt as if I was regressing.
The best thing for me was to identify the reason why I kept thinking I was seeing him. Something had triggered me which was causing it, and it sounds like you also had a trigger. Understanding why I was triggered helped to reduce the anxiety, and I stopped thinking I saw him everywhere. Sometimes the best thing for me is to accept whatever is happening to my body, flashbacks, memories, etc and just let them come. I am worse off when I try to stop my emotions. Once I can identify why I am feeling something or reacting in a particular way and process through it, my anxiety subsides.
It might help to try to understand the event that triggered you and why. It might not be helpful for you, but it's what works for me.
Feel better,
Alli

 

[Ted Moen]

Things in my current situation trigger old feelings every day. That was true 40+ years ago, that was true today, I expect it will be true tomorrow. Something will happen and I will feel intense anger, and probably some anxiety and panic symptoms. I have learned I don't have to act on those feelings. I do need to process the thoughts, which I think validates the feelings and takes the intensity out of them for the moment. Stuffing the feelings only makes things worse. But once I have validated the feelings, I return to my current situation and act appropriately, the way I intended to act before the triggering.

Our ongoing condition is that things in our current situation will trigger intense feelings related to old stuff, and our acting on those intense feelings will result in behavior which is inappropriate or self-defeating in our current situation. Learning to live with ptsd means learning to to get our current needs met in our current situation while we process the old stuff in a way that doesn't stop us from getting our current need met.

Or something like that.

Ted

 

[Nicolette]

Thanks Alli and Ted. Still thinking.... can't get past the anger...yet.

 

[intothelight]

Nicolette,

Is the anger fueled by a sense of "injustice" or "unfairness"?

Personal experience... I am more hypervigilant when I feel the world is "unfair" as it makes me feel less secure and safe.

Just a thought.

Deb

 

[Nicolette]

Interesting question Deb... will have to think about that one.

 

[Iam]

I wish I had sage advice for you, but my brain isn't functioning too well at the moment. I wanted to at least acknowledge what you are going thru and say I'm sorry you're having a tough go of it right now. (((HUGS))) Nicolette.

 

[221177]

Hi Nicolette,
Although the anger feels uncomfortable, can you look at it from an inner child perspective, as in you're the parent now, and your inner child has just woken up because she feels uncomfortable and needs some reassurance? Perhaps even reassurance that it's okay to be angry, because she's a little scared? I guess reassurance that despite the trigger that in this moment you are safe and you know that nothing can happen to you? I know, can be hard to do... just a thought xx

 

[Nicolette]

Thanks 221177 :)

 

[mysihba]

Nicholette, I don't know if it's any help but I just faced my own....feeling all the RAGE from ALL the past, and have a better feel for it. It's "the Grady effect" just posted under....uh, positives or success or something like that...sorry , best I can do at the moment. Digging into my archives helped a bit and at the end....relearning from council session tonight.

 

[mysihba]

For the record I have been in near out of control rage for awhile. Yes, all the old stuff. I think I have a better understanding of it again. Our traumas were different but i hope you can see some common ground in how and why this builds up and wants to explode. The answers are not exactly the same either but perhaps when justice can not be served....different rabbit trails lead to a similar peace. I hope I get there and hope you do too.

 

[The Albatross]

At times when I get hypervigilent... I give it time and start writing "5 Noteable Things" for a month. I find it to be more doable than "5 Positive things" because during those times, when fearful and depressed or anxious... positive things are a value judgement and my brain won't go there. So, all I do, is decide before leaving the house that I'm going to notice 5 things... good/bad or indifferent. Just notice them and write them down at the end of the day. That little subtle shift can pull me out of continued distress and I can ride it out until the "danger" has passed.

Another trick I use, is to impose a time limit. I can experience this for a time, but then I do a visualization and put it down (i shared before for me it is a leaf) and I watch it drift down the river. Sometimes I do it more than once... but generally it helps me to stop compulsively obsessing over the trigger and shifts me back to the present grounding me in the day. I also do breath work and aroma therapy to deal with the body reactions as part of my self care til I have regained a sense of safety and can move on.

I don't know if this will ever stop, but I try to develop skills to "ride" it like a surfer rides a wave.