I'm Feeling Quite Low

[Marylost]

Hi guys, I'm new to this so not quite sure how this works, here goes! I've got ptsd from being sexually abused and lately have been struggling a bit. I haven't been working in about a year now. Recently I've met a lovely boyfriend a who I really care about. I'm just afraid that me feeling so low will take its toll on the relationship. I'm alone quite a lot and sometimes can't get out of bed. I don't have a lot to talk about and don't know where to begin. I'm so lost. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

 

[KwanYingirl]

First of all tell your boyfriend that you have PTSD and describe for him how you view life, etc. after that find some hobbies that get you connected to people, so less isolating. Read nonfiction books that will expand your topics you can use in conversations. There's no rules about putting yourself in groups that you are uncomfortable.

Keep up with your therapy. Perhaps you could ask your boyfriend to a visit so he can ask questions to the therapist. She'll debunk myths about trauma and she'll validate your journey.
Best wishes

 

[Marylost]

Thank you KwanYingirl for your reply. That's all sound advice. I've told him that I have ptsd but haven't explained how I'm feeling with it lately. Maybe I should open up a bit more to him. You're right about a hobby that involves social interaction, think that would help too. Hope you're well.

 

[Casey_03]

@Marylost - I agree that you should tell your boyfriend, but also keep in mind that this feeling you are having, this doubt about the relationship, could just be you trying to self-sabotage. if you're not used to being happy, and especially if you've been abused in the past, you might just be trying to protect yourself by creating reasons for it not to work. (i speak from experience, i spent years doing just that, so don't make the same mistake i did!) just let yourself be happy! there is no reason why you shouldn't be, and if your boyfriend has a problem with you being depressed from time to time, he's not a keeper. so don't get too focused on any of this, just let yourself feel and be open with him and be yourself.

 

[Marylost]

Thanks @Casey_03 you could be right about the self sabatage, I didn't think of that. It the first relationship I've had in years and the first one I've had with the ptsd so it's all a bit new. Need to open up a bit more to him.

 

[Casey_03]

@Marylost You have more to lose by not opening up and letting things happen, in my opinion. for about 10 years, i self sabotaged every relationship i had and am only now beginning to realize that i deprived myself of true warmth because i was afraid of getting hurt. i was so used to things going wrong that i made them go wrong myself, just to validate my own predictions that i'd get hurt! i regret it now. your situation may be different, i obviously don't know you, but people who have been abused do tend to create barriers this way. i believe you have a better chance at fully healing if you keep that in mind during your relationship, and try to sort out what you are doing out of fear/for self protection from what you are doing for legitimate reasons. i wish you the best of luck! if you ever need advice, feel free to message me.

 

[Marylost]

Once again thanks @Casey_03 for your heart felt reply. I'm so sorry you had bad experiences yourself. I guess we do all sorts of things to try and protect ourselves from hurt, past or present. Life can be so challenging, and painful at times. I'll do my best to make it work, I really think he's a keeper. Got to get my confidence back up again, it's been so low lately. That would probably help the overall situation and my outlook. Work in progress as they say! Feel free to message me too if you need a chat