I'm Going Back In The Closet! *vent*

[Deleted member 1860]

I am SOOOOO sick of this! Whenever I disclose my PTSD, EVERYBODY thinks that is an open invitation to discuss my trauma! IT IS NOT! Why would anyone want to know about that?!?! One of these days I am going to shock them all and say "Oh, we can go get coffee and sit down and discuss the details of my brutal childhood rape." I just want to see the damn look of shock on their faces!!! Why does anyone think that they have the right to ask you about the VERY WORST moment of your life!?!?! Why don't people have any respect!?!? Has tact flown out the window?!?! And it really DOES solidify my belief that people don't see me as anything BUT my disorder. People have this urge to know all about the bad things, the dirty things, the nitty-gritty secrets. Well I am DONE! When someone asks me about my life, what I am doing, why I am not working, whatever, I am going to make up some bullsh!t white faced lie.

*END OF RANT* (for now)

 

[Sammyiam]

I have had the same Solara, I hate it to I'm so sorry to hear that you get it to. I think a lot of us have had that happen. I just don't tell anyone anymore unless they are very trusted to me, I just say oh I'm just a bit crazy and that normally shuts them up. Make up something that puts them on the back foot, then they might but be so forward. I hope your feeling better

Take care

Sammy

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I'm so sorry Solara that your life is with nosey-parkers but I just love this:

"Oh, we can go get coffee and sit down and discuss the details of my brutal childhood rape."

It might just prove your point! Don't forget to add: Only of course, if that is convenient for you, you might want to bring some paper bags or something in case the nitty gritty details get to you. Is two on Friday OK?;)

In all seriousness, I think the reasons that people want to discuss things like this are because they want to understand what "trauma" consists of - is it being cheated on in a relationship or breaking a leg or is it more, they want to relate their experiences to yours which can be very offensive. I think part of this is an attempt to understand but also part of this is competitive to one up trauma and an attempt to downplay what you've been through and talk about their own problems by comparing. This might be in person or behind your back - it seems a lot of people like to make it seem as if their life is bad because their friend has been going through these things - people seem to love drama and gossip as if we're a character in a tv soap opera more than a real person who's hurt and distressed.

I also think that the go to thing to say to someone who's not ok is to offer an ear to listen or shoulder to cry on and that it is possible that what they want to offer is support and kindness but don't realise that realistically they would not be capable of handling it or you couldn't either. Most people don't seem to understand a problem that can't be resolved over a few drinks and talking with a friend or to. Even if something like child-rape could be resolved in this way for some, realistically PTSD can't and that's a separation that maybe best explained frankly.

 

[WillyKat]

People are stupid. Or to be more precise, they have difficulty putting themselves in your / our shoes. Which is another way of saying they're stupid.

I wouldn't recommend a white lie, but you could say it in a ways that sends a message:
"I don't want to talk about it"
"I don't want to talk about it with you"
"I'm only going to discuss that with my therapist"

And if you need to send a really clear message: "I only talk about that with my friends".

It hurt a lot, but I lost a bunch of friends when I was around 20. And its a good thing too, because I think they would be of the same type you're dealing with now. Maybe its time to start putting distance between you and these people if you can.

Or alternatively, only disclose your personal details to people you know in advance aren't idiots.

 

[ghotiff]

If you think they might be coming from a good (but misguided place) maybe an educational type response. Eg

One things with PTSD is that typically the traumas are only discussed with a therapist. The general population is unequiped to cope with hearing the details and it is damaging both to them and the sufferer when they respond in an uneducated way.

Hope that helps but I totally understand if it's easier (and better for you) to just make something up.

 

[anthony]

It is human nature to want to know the bad... just look at the media nowadays. They're filled with 90% bad things, 10% happy. Even most of the bad stuff is often a small percentage of the full story, but that is their focus, because that is all humanity seems to give a shit about nowadays.

People need to change IMHO...

 

[joeylittle]

People suck.

For the few people I've told that I have PTSD - and yes, they have ALL asked - I used "Know what? It was incredibly violent and we aren't going to talk about it right now. But thank you - if I decide to start talking about it with people other than my therapist, I will call on you for that."

I just don't tell anyone about the PTSD except for those that I know aren't going to get that "curious" look in their eye. Because that look is grotesque.

 

[Hashi]

Why are you telling so many people about your PTSD?

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

Hi solara I totally can relate to your annoyance re ppl wanting to know abt your traumas. I totally get the whole Ohhhh wat are your traumas etc coz it is the unknown but peples expectations of trauma r so different. My colleague was telling me today she's so traumatised abt her husband going to Italy to help his elderly mum and she in such chaos coz she had to juggle two kids and their clubs etc I respected that her trauma was traumatic to her!! But really!!!! Wat the f...k!!!! I could have sat there and told her abt real trauma , do I think she'd have understood? Def not, that's y I just sit and listen without making comment, if I was let loose she prob wouldn't be my friend today as my tongue can be very harsh when I'm let loose . That's y I prefer not to socialise coz I see everyone's problems as just an excuse to winge abt life coz they dnt really know trauma , or the affects it has on individuals . My t sed this was normal as PTSD sufferers can't c beyond their pain, and y should we! Y should we worry abt the price of bread going up ten pence when we r living everyday with flashbacks and traumas of abuse, rape, violation of our rights etc etc. sorry guys just having a moan had really bad night of flash backs all through day too, last one was at 4 3o so feel really washed out, yet I stil got up and was a mother , managed a full day at work , was a wife, did dinner and everything else that cums in your daily life, only diff was I was suffering flashbacks all day of traumas and abuse. So yes actually if n e one has a right to complain we have without having to justify to n e one. Think I better try and sleep before I really let ripnite guys and Thankyou for letting me offload, and plz god let me sleep and have flashback free day tom, it's a not a lot to ask for but it would really make my day!!!

 

[Jane.l]

I think that most people just have no knowledge on mental health issues unless it affects them. In years to come I am sure people will look back at this and be astounded at the ignorance and lack of self awareness of most of the population - they ram physical health education down our throats and ignore mental health - it's bizarre really - but most people will just have NO idea.

I tend not to share or if I 'have' to go with anxiety issues because people can sort of get anxiety .

 

[GWhizz]

As a nurse we're told never to ask a patient the cause of their ptsd. It's considered far too emotive and triggering and potentially damaging. Even though were there to help to treat the patient and their symptoms (unlike a friend may be able to), we are not allowed to attempt to rake things up with them. I certainly wouldn't be telling those who are not there to help in my treatment/healing, of all people!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Why are you telling so many people about your PTSD?

Because I am a f*cking moron. Any other questions?

Please point out where I LITERALLY said "SO MANY" because you can't as I never said that. Please don't put words in my mouth or make assumptions. I have told only a few people, but I inevitably get the same response. THANK YOU AND HAVE A NICE DAY.