I'm Going Back In The Closet! *vent*

[Deleted member 1860]

I honestly love how I am being blamed for telling "so many" people. Yes, it is ALL my fault for thinking that I could tell my friends. I am a stupid f*cking moron for wanting to share personal private information with people whom I thought cared about me. I will NEVER make that mistake again! Its a LOT better to just live in my own little world where I don't have to worry about being judged for every little thing. Making friends is completely out of the question because they all want to know why I am not working or why I struggle so much. If you shut people out from the get go, they take this as a cold shoulder and it sends the message that you have no interest in being their friend. So yes, it is ALL my fault for buying that billboard down on the highway that announced my PTSD. SMH.

 

[scout86]

@Solara, over the years I've been blessed with a couple of good friends who were able and willing to notice when I was digging myself into a hole and tell me to put down the shovel and quit digging. I can't honestly say that we're good friends, I only know you from here. But, NOW would be a good time to put down the shovel and quit digging.

I'm sure you're correct that you never said you told "so many people". My take on this was that you'd probably told someone, recently, which brought this to mind, hence the rant. (Perfectly valid rant, IMO.) I'm not sure where @Hashi was going with that question. (I'd be interested to know.)

BUT, IMO, you're over reacting just a tad and that might be a PTSD related deal? Just sayin'

Hey, the last time I used the line "I will never make that mistake again!" was in an email to my T a few days ago. And trusting people in general, him in particular, was the topic. I've never quite been able to manage "never" and I'll bet you don't either. I hope not! You're too interesting and have too much to offer to be a hermit forever.

I have thoughts on the topic too, but I'll save that for another post.

 

[JustBe]

Life with a Service Dog seems to leave the door wide open for people with no brains or manners to ask about my Disability.

I have learned to answer "I don't discuss my medical history". If they persist, I ask them for the details of their last Gyno or Rectal exam. That shuts them up. Fast.

 

[scout86]

I think there are a variety of categories of people who ask that kind of question. Some are just nosy, I'm sure. Some are maybe looking for a chance to tell you it wasn't that big a deal. Lots of stupid/bad reasons.

Some people probably DO actually care. From what I've been able to observe, "normal" people find that talking about stuff makes them feel better. They may not get the idea that talking about SOME stuff is not fun, not interesting, and NOT going to happen. I'm thinking that's part of the evidence that traumatic memories are different than regular memories. So, those people are probably trying to help, they just don't know what they're asking.

If I decide to tell someone that I have PTSD, it's for a reason, and I imagine most folks here are the same way. Maybe I just did something that wasn't too rational and "the truth" is the best explanation. And I think the individual deserves an explanation. Because not everyone does. Once in awhile it's to make some kind of point. If they ask "What happened to you?" My response is generally along the lines of "Nothing I'm going to talk about and nothing you really want to hear."

Weirdly, I've had a couple interesting and funny conversations with clients who are combat vets about PTSD. Nothing quite like comparing flashbacks while you're working!

 

[City Slicker]

It really stinks that you are having to deal with this reaction from people in your life. Your post made me think about the different questions people ask, the ones that do care vs the ones that ask out of vicarious interest and that feel they have a right to information about our lives.

Sometimes I think people ask details about PTSD specifically because they are going through it too and have no idea how to identify their own trauma with only a small inkling of knowledge about PTSD - asking others about details can sometimes be their way of either normalizing themselves or comparing themselves and their own experiences and whether they may also be experiencing PTSD by asking someone details about theirs.

Of course that's not applied to people whose curiosity is just because they feel they have a right to ask those questions - as Anthony mentioned, the media and the paparazzi have all created a sense that we are entitled to the details of everyone's life. For those, this doesn't apply.

There are certain things people will ask about, for instance, if I came to work with a cast on a broken arm people would immediately ask 'what happened' - but if I came in and said I was just diagnosed with schizophrenia or bi-polar disorder or clinical depression, people would generally not ask.

It seems with trauma, the people that really care about us but make communication and interpersonal blunders by asking those intrusive questions are the ones generally trying to understand their own chaotic worlds.

It doesn't make it any less intrusive and I hope these reactions from people will subside for you.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Well now I can't even VENT because I have ptsd. I even labeled this as a vent thread.

I guess no mother who has a child die in their arms has a right to get upset about it When i ask them about it, nor does any soldier who's best friend was blown up beside him. Yore right, if we were "normal" we'd be unaffected and happy to talk about the WORST moment of our lives!

 

[joeylittle]

Well now I can't even VENT because I have ptsd. I even labeled this as a vent thread.

Vent away - not sure anyone is saying you don't have a right to be upset. Anyway, you DO have a right to be upset, of course you do. It's frustrating - that's not even a strong enough word - it's soul-crushing when you reach out to someone and end up feeling like a specimen of something, a curiosity.

Anyway, I hear you.

 

[IWIK]

I'm very sorry. This is exactly why I have not shared with anybody my diagnosis.

 

[bell]

I also think people ask because they don't know any better. And because if they know you were never in the military, they might be confused as to what else could have caused it.

For me, both publicly and privately, when I talk about PTSD and people veer toward asking me, I say something like, "some uncool stuff happened to me that changed my life forever." No one tends to ask again.

I know you're just venting, but I think the more we share, the lesser the stigma, and the closer we get to people.

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

I often say I had a few traumas in my life that aren't up for discussion and I do have three colleagues at work who always help me stop digging coz once I start I can't stop then the anger starts rising and I lise complete control. Now my colleagues just say to me that they need me urgently, coz I'm the manager, and take me Into their room and let me calm down , there my friends not the ones who r dying to tell the C Exec abt my behaviours I have thrown back at the chief exec that she needs to do sum reading on PTSD and have sum understanding on it, to b fair to her she did attend my first treatment but unfortunately was quiet traumatised by what she saw she never returned! Still not sure if she understands it!

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

Solara I think it's k to let your feelings out on here that's wT the sites for , it's somewhere for you to let go of your frustrations without being judged . I don't think people mean to judge but it sometimes come across that way coz of the way where feeling, so we sometimes feel that ppl r haveing personal digs at us but is prob not the case. Everyone on here has been through trauma that's painful to them and I think it's nice that we are able to listen , respect , support nd have some level of understanding towards their pain nd trauma. I think at times we all swear rant rave and say things coz on here we feel we can and we won't b judged , that's tru for me , may not be for others. I have found a lot of peace and recieved a lot of support in the short time I've been on here, it's my safety outlet.

 

[Blue Survivor]

Ohhh wow, do I understand this rant. @Solara I am with you 100% - people absolutely should be ashamed to pry into something so very personal. Actually this same thing just happened to me, and I'm still trying to pick up the pieces...

My work got a new employee recently and he noticed on some paperwork that I had two different last names (one from my ex husband, and my current/maiden name). He asked why two different names, and I tried simply stating "One was from when I was married, but I am no longer married so I resumed my maiden name" and WOW did he have lots of questions! "How long were you married? Why did you get divorced?....." Ugh. I tried answering with short & vague responses, ending with 'He was not very nice to me," which caused concern because then he asked "What did he do to you?" and then luckily work picked up and ended that conversation. And then, after minimal nightmares for so long...the nightmares picked up again. Thanks, new guy!

I really think that people don't realize what awful aftermath they can cause by prodding into someone's personal and traumatic experiences. New Guy At Work seems nice enough and he sort of seems like he's just getting to know everybody, so I didn't take it personally. I know that I look much younger than I am, so I could tell from the shock on his face ("Is she even old enough to get married?!?") that he would have more questions. I truly believe he was only being friendly and making conversation; I don't think he realized the triggering effect it could have.

I don't blame you for wanting to crawl back into the closet; sometimes that seems like the safest place to be. And I understand that people in our lives do need to know about our PTSD, while others do not. I'm sure that you aren't advertising it on a blimp, but I get that some people 'need' to know - like family, a few friends, and sometimes even a supervisor - in case an episode occurs. Often they are scary to us, but to someone who has no knowledge or experience with PTSD we probably just look crazy. And sometimes 'confessing' that we have PTSD is a must; in the same way someone with a different disease might need to disclose it after a seizure, etc.