I'm Having A Difficult Day.

[Paranoid10]

Today has not been one of my better days. I have been in physical pain with a chronic knee problem for about the last 4 days or so. I've done everything I know to do within my power to try to relieve this. Earlier today, I took a hot bath, took some ibuprofen, smeared a bunch of icy hot on it, got into some comfy clothes and took a nap. I also called my doctor to schedule an appointment. The soonest they can get me in is this Friday. I just recently took a Vicodin, so maybe that might help.

Additionally, I had to go grocery shopping at WalMart. It was busy there today and I do not do well with crowds. People were getting all jammed up with their shopping carts at the end of the aisles and then just staring at each other like they were a deer in the headlights. There were a motley crew of people that just seemed to be pushing my buttons. I was amped up all ready but I was keeping my cool as much as possible.

The WalMart that I go to has a very bad habit of only having a select few registers open. So waiting in line is pretty much an assumed thing. However, I was surprised when a woman spoke up and said "Register 11 has no waiting and can help someone." So I moved my cart over and was pleasantly surprised to be the first in line.

However, the woman behind me was not so pleased and decided to voice her opinion. I got the impression that the woman behind me personally knew the cashier due to all the chit chatter that was going on. So this woman decides to open her mouth and say, "I sure don't want to get murdered by this guy in front of me, here in WalMart." Apparently, this woman was somehow offended that I made it to this line before she did.

At this, I snapped. I don't remember everything I said to her word for word, but the general theme of what I told her was, "How dare you judge me like that!" and "Who do you think you are anyway?" There was quite a bit of profanity mixed in with this that I will not repeat. The lady just stared at me and said nothing. I paid for my stuff and left.

On the way home it was all ready snowing....."Oh Joy!" I thought with sarcastic overtone to myself.

Of course, when I got home, my wife could immediately see that something was not right with me. So eventually we talked about it. She was shocked by my response to the woman at WalMart and started the conversation off by telling me that "That is a really good Christian attitude to have." I explained to her that this is the reason I don't tell her things is because her response often starts off with criticism. She asked me why I thought it was necessary to cuss this woman out and my reply was simple. She deserved it. My wife told me that I was "Wrong, wrong, wrong!" as she put it. She followed this up by telling me that, "If you don't think I'm right, you just tell your therapist about this the next time you see her and see what she says." This was finalized by her telling me that, "I am very disappointed in you." I didn't know what else to say, so the conversation ended there.

I'm having trouble sorting out all the feelings and emotions of what has happened. It will take me some time to figure this out.

 

[Lionheart]

Paranoid10,

Sorry you had such a rough day yesterday. I for one would not judge you, as I have taken the pleasure of cussing a person out from time to time when they piss me off and I consider myself to be a good Christian. Sometimes we need to put our foot down with people and tell them where our boundaries are......in no uncertain terms. Perhaps folks like us who have had our feet stepped on one too many times, may over-react a little to people, but if those peeps would show us a little common decency and respect to begin with these things wouldn't have to happen.

I think there is a way to be assertive without being aggressive, for instance, I might have said to her "What do you mean by that?" as I am quite savvy at getting to the truth. Be that as it may I would have still prolly cussed her out.

Crazy people will make us crazy too if we let them, but to suppress our feelings and say nothing at all would not make us a better or healthier person much less a better christian. This is just my take on the situation and is equal to my two cents, so please take it for what it is.

Hope today is a better day for you,
LH

 

[wife of]

Oh mate sorry you ae having a rough one.
Probably shouldn't say this but it made me laugh.

Yes the woman was rude and yes you had every right to pull her on it....however..bearing in mind you had a red mist moment and cant remember all you said...my money is on the scene resembling a tiger being sent after a mouse instead of a tabby.

Still if she thinks twice before opening her mouth again...job done.

I must admit though i go nuts at my sufferer for bagging people out as it can come across as very aggressive.

 

[Paranoid10]

Thanks for your posts and insight everyone. After getting quite a bit of rest over the night, I realized that the situation probably could have been handled a little more diplomatically.

On the other hand, I look at all the stressors that I was dealing with leading up to my interaction with this woman and I see where the problem probably lies. There simply was too much going on at one time. A person can only deal with so much aggravation in a given moment and this woman was the straw that broke the camel's back. So, unfortunately for her, she got both barrels of the emotional shotgun that I happen to be carrying at the time.

 

[Srain]

Personally, I think she got what she deserved but that's just me. People letting fly rudeness and judgements like that as if they have the right to do so without a thought one to anyone's feelings is just plain bullsh*t, if she doesn't want the "feedback" or consequences for HER actions then perhaps she might think twice about opening her mouth next time.

Was it good for you? That's the question.

I have had my red zone moments where I felt quite justified but the end result was I was willing to take to a death match :ninja:...this is a problem for me, whether it's a problem for the other person or not, which it probably would be. I have to access thinking before reacting, if I'm over-reacting then I'm RED ZONE RAGE.

However, I do believe that there are times when it is appropriate to get angry and tell someone they are wrong, yes, even in public. If I use colourful language then so be it. I am not of the faith where my God is really all the picky about it but if it an issue for you then work on your wording but consider this, is it okay for you get angry at times?

Rage might be the issue your wife was more concerned about. There is a difference.

 

[Paranoid10]

My wife brought up an interesting point about this woman that maybe I hadn't considered. What if she was joking, as if in regards to all the craziness that happened on Black Friday.

However, this woman's words did trigger a reaction within me. Was it necessary for her to say this? Of course not. Did it feel good to cut loose on her? Definitely! But I think if I would have used a bit of moderation in expressing myself, I probably would have been better off.

 

[simplekindofgirl]

You know what Paranoid10. your posts are always so eloquent and compassionate that I cannot help but to think that this woman got what she deserved with your voiced opinion. And here is the nice thing about it- by this time tomorrow, she will have forgotten about it. So I think, you should take into account that no real damage was actually done. It's only words. And as much as we all try to be compassionate, we can not always be that way when someone makes a comment like that, whether it be a joke or not.

You are in physical pain, in a place that you didn't necessarily want to be in as it was. While you could have gone about it a little differently, you didn't. So, kick a tin can down the street, and let it go. It doesn't change the good parts of you. It didn't change the good parts of her. No real harm- no real foul.

Hug your wife- she loves you.

And get that knee feeling better!

 

[Paranoid10]

Well, one thing you will learn about me is that I try very hard to be civil and genuinely try to consider others when it comes to interacting with them. I believe I am on the road to recovery as far as my issues are concerned. I have been taught different coping mechanisms. However, I am a master of none of them. But I don't give up on myself as I consider myself to be a work in progress.

I guess one thing that has helped me is my experience in combat. I learned that I was able to do things that previously, I did not believe that I had the ability to do. Giving up is simply not an option as I see myself fighting for my life, much like I did in a combat zone.

 

[wife of]

Heck man,i wish we lived in your area.Whoever worked on teaching you your new skills is the person my husband needs...

 

[Paranoid10]

I cannot give all the credit to just one source. However, my current psychologist is a good one. She is very real and often tells things like they are. We don't always agree on everything but that is what makes us different I guess. She doesn't live in some "fantasy world" unlike a lot of other mental health professionals I have met in the past. She acknowledges my thoughts and feelings as being very real considering my experiences.

Prior to my current psychologist, I had been seeing a social worker who was employed by the Army. She too was very real with me and went above and beyond what was expected of her job duties.

Other information I either had to find on my own or I had heard about from other Soldiers that were dealing with similar issues as me.

What I always have appreciated from people who are/were real with me is the fact that they didn't treat me like a number or just another routine patient. In other words, it wasn't just a job to them. It was something that they genuinely loved to do and they would go out of their way to show you that in so many ways.

Throughout all this, I learned that even though there is a lot of negative triggers and experiences related to combat, there are just as many positives to think about. One of the things I learned to relate to is that if I didn't know what to do about a particular situation, I would use what skills I did know to try to adapt and overcome that situation.

I hope I am not painting a picture that my life is perfect or that I don't have issues, because it isn't perfect. I have issues just like the next person. But ever since I made the decision to fight my PTSD, I have adapted what training I have as a warrior to fight and never quit. I will die trying if that be the case. No defeat. No surrender. I treat my PTSD as if it were a physical enemy out on the battlefield. The more I learn about it, the more vulnerable and weaker it becomes.

 

[ClairBear226]

Now, see, I happen to think Walmart just brings out the worst in people sometimes. I just got home from there a matter of minutes ago. I went in there to grab some groceries, figuring no crowds after midnight (HATE crowds. Also hate when people walk stupid). There was a woman in the dairy section having a rather heated and loud arguement with what appeared to be her two teenage children with a little boy who looked to be about 7 years old curled up in a shopping cart trying to take a nap.

Uh... school-aged child... shouldn't we have him in BED when it's after midnight on a school night? And I totally understand arguments with teenage kids. Really. But these two were dishing it out to Mom and being wildly disrespectful. Just when I thought I'd heard it all, Mom opened her mouth. WOW. They made no notice of me at all, yet I couldn't help but notice them. Between the 7 year old kid and the hateful stuff being thrown around, I had to get the heck out of there. The urge to open my mouth was really strong. And if they'll demonstrate that kind of behavior in public, what do they do behind closed doors? Ow. Think I hurt my tongue from biting the darned thing so hard. ;)