I'm In Fear!! Constantly. Normal??

[Eli8989]

I'm in so much fear of being attacked again.
I just moved into a new apartment with my partner. When I'm home Alone I block the door with a coffee tBle chairs heavy boxes pillows ...every noise I think someone is going to come into my apartment and kill me.
Not just someone , the man who attacked and raped me five years ago.
He was in jail for four n half years. I couldn't believe that he got parole ...in Australia the justice system isn't there for the victims, he got parole about 8 months ago. Now I'm so scared he will find me..or is looking for me. And wants to kill me. I need help I can't even go anywhere alone.
My whole fmily live in another ountry , I don't have any friends. N when my partner goes to work the fear overcomes me.

My attacker was my boyfriend of two years. I feel like he is still angry at me and wants to finish me off. I think it might sound stupid but I just want to know if anyone else out there in the world also feels scared? Of being attacked again,

 

[The Albatross]

I can relate. Part of my story is that my abuser would phone and threaten me and I hid for a decade living in fear. I am a bit uncomfortable saying that to this day, I deadbolt myself in when at home alone and won't take showers. When I run a bath, I stay to the front of the house (to provide a sense of safety so I can hear if anyone tries to break in). I had a run at "rape crisis counseling" and one exercise was to desensitize (spelling?) myself to going out and about, running errands, and general things. At my worst I was actively isolating in my home... but I've come through it and in a lot of ways, I can work, socialize, run errands and do necessary things... even some pleasurable hobbies and interests now.

I took the actions needed to restore a sense of safety. In my case that meant a restraining order, an undisclosed residence, some crisis counseling, and a support group. It helped me to take a proactive approach and do some problem solving... but things can get better. Honest.

 

[blueangel371115]

I can relate too. My ex-boyfriend was very abusive to me and tried to hurt me before. You are not alone and perfectly normal. I deal with the same fears daily. Welcome to the forum.

 

[cherryblossom]

Welcome to the forum.

One of the keys to overcome fears is to try to work out whether you fear is justified or not. I understand your fear, I really do.

But equally, he has been out for 8 months. Has he tried to contact you in this time? Did he try to contact you when he was in prison? Was he in jail based on your evidence alone? You say that you feel he is still angry at you, but do you have any evidence of this? It is completely 'normal' to feel scared, but it is up to you to work out logically whether this fear is justified, or not. If it's not justified, then you need to find a way to work through this (a therapist could help enormously), if he has threatened you, and your fears are justified, then you need to inform the Police about his behaviour.

Regards
CB

 

[intothelight]

Dear Eli8989,

First and foremost, you do not sound stupid. To be afraid of a someone who has been violent in the past is not a basis for an unfounded fear. However, it is that same fear that seems to pervade every aspect of life and that is when it becomes debilitating.

I am not sure where you live in relation to your attacker, or what kind of victim notification laws and/or legal no-contact orders are available in Australia, but doing everything you can to keep yourself safe is a prudent course of action.

Wishing you peace.

Debbie