I'm New As Well - My Story

[rosie]

I've finally realised today how much my demons still haunt me today... A bit of background, I used to be friends with a lesbian girl who was into some weird things like BDSM, I was supportive and non judgemental, and it being quite frankly dangerous I went with her to the special clubs. Sadly for me, I had told her I didn't want any part of being touched by these people but basically she manipulated me into being tied up and she.. i guess you could say raped me but I don't know the definition as she was a lady. Since this day I have had PTSD symptoms, being so so angry, un naturally controlling, biting peoples heads off if they try and criticise me, fear of new people, wrecked confidence, feeling isolated and incredibly lonely.
I know I'm in the right place, its lovely to meet you all I hope we can help each other, my story is petty compared to some peoples sorry but I just need help with my coping as I feel like I'm going INSANE, I'm damaged and I will never be the same.
:furious::help::hot::oops:

 

[Lucycat]

Welcome Rosie
You wont be judged here.
Hopefully you will find some comfort and support.
Best Wishes
Lucy x

 

[Nyx]

Welcome, Rosie. Well done for introducing yourself and letting your thoughts and feelings out. I'm sorry for what you went through, Ican't even begin to imagine the pain of being betrayed by a friend.. Hope you find peace and comfort soon.

 

[cherryblossom]

Welcome to the forum Rosie :peekaboo:

 

[peupeu]

Welcome Rosie :hug:Lately I have feel very same as you told. I can only to wish you a lot of strenght :affection:But remember that after rainy day sun will always shine.

 

[rosie]

Thank you you guys :-) :wave: I feel so supported already :) I keep having really rubbish days recently where everything goes wrong at once but since I realised where my anger is coming from I'm finding it easier to pretend to be happier and calmer and I seem to be telling people more its from somehting that happened in my past, I've just realised and im sorry i've been an ass. I just hate people though who don't let you argue back with them!! It's a democracy!

Peupeu - talk more about how you have been feeling and felt recently I would love to hear how you're doing and support you in anyway I can, I love to listen to people.
Brucielucy, Nyx, cherryblossom - thank you for your wishes and not turning me away :)

Happy days :) (from support) xx

 

[WonderingWhy]

Rosie,
I want to also welcome you!:wave:

I am glad that you found this forum. It has been very helpful for me as well. I can't hold back however from commenting on when you compared "your trauma" as "petty" compared to "others".

I hope you will take this not as argumentative. Your trauma is yours. I can tell by your post that it has had a tremendous affect on you. If say we both had been robbed. We both were robbed at gunpoint. Let's say I was robbed by someone who was tall and large, you by someone tall and thin.

Would it make sense for you to assume that "your" robbery was less traumatic than mine.:no:

Trauma is trauma. In both of those cases the other person's trauma (assuming they weren't unfortunate to be at both robberies!):rolleyes: had NO bearing on the trauma of the other. Does that make sense?:thinking:

In other words YOUR trauma is PAINFUL to YOU. It is NO LESS because of what another has gone through. It is how what you endured effects you.

You were traumatized and that is awful. There is no need to feel you must minimize it. You were manipulated, coerced, assaulted and betrayed by someone you thought was a friend.

Hope I didn't sound like I was lecturing. Also, believe me, you are certainly not the only one who has felt exactly like you, including myself. I actually still do. It's easy to see things in others but can be difficult to "feel them" in ourselves. I know as I just told you, however getting your head and your heart/gut on the same page can be a very difficult job.

I wish you the best of luck, and again welcome and I am so sorry that you experienced the trauma to need this forum.:hug::hug:

 

[Lucycat]

:):):)

 

[peupeu]

being so so angry, un naturally controlling, biting peoples heads off if they try and criticise me, fear of new people, wrecked confidence, feeling isolated and incredibly lonely.

This sound too familiar to me... Just last weekend I get angry from some very small thing. Finally my boyfriend say that he cannot live like that. He don't want to scare every little move what he do. I really understand what he said. I do not normally get angry if I hear loud noise or if some item is in wrong place. And I am very sorry for him that he must stand all this carbage what come from my mouth. And just because I take wrong job years a go...

This was just one examble. I wrote my story in this forum and I started my diary some time ago. There you can (if you have time and energy) read more... I am very happy if you have energy to reply to me sometimes :kisses:But take your time and do what is best for you. I am very happy that you found us and I hope that we can heal our wounds together as much as possible :hug:

 

[rosie]

im doing mindfulness CBT at the moment its helping me to cope with the anger and feelings of wanting to control everything. I will have a look through your diary peupeu and see how you are doing. i guess its small steps isnt it everyone has good days and bad days.
Are you and your boyfriend still together? I hope so :thumbsup:

 

[rosie]

Thank you Wonderingwhy for your support by the way, I'm very good at belittling myself, you didn't seem like you were lecturing me at all! I hope I don't see her too often she lives near me. God I hate that woman. I've had an ok week ive apologised to most of the people i shouted at, i have an exam on monday i hope i pass! I failed this exam last time for trying to stand up for myself and shouting cos i keep failing ( :girlfight: this is what i want to do to my supervisors) and its stressful and frustrating! wish me luck!

 

[peupeu]

Hi Rosie,
Sorry, write answer to you take more time than I expect. I saw my lawyer couple a days ago and I feel that my brains suck all my energy..

Yes, we are still together :D And if possible, even happier than before. I try to control my anger. Because I nowadays let those "frogs" out much less than before, I don't feel :goingtocry: all the time. And also my boyfriend try to ask me if something freaks me out today.