I'm Not Sure What To Do Or How To Feel

[Mim28]

I had a PTSD attack so bad last year it took me out of work. I pushed to get better. All for my child's wedding. I went back to work and things got crazy, but I thought I was okay. I didn't exercise good self-care and I've exhausted myself. It's been a couple weeks now since I've been on leave and I'm not sure what to do or how to feel. My family is so supportive but I just can't get past my own thoughts and bad feelings. I am bone-weary. I try to be productive or divert my attention and it just wears me out. I'm anxious and sad. Being around people wears me out because I try to keep it together. Today I slept off an on for hours and I never feel refreshed. I am very down on myself and it feels like I am never going to get out this time. I haven't exercised good self care in the last year. I kept myself way too busy and I've crashed. My emotions go from blah to down and up to blah all day. I want to heal now. I want to be better now. I pray a lot. I am trying to keep negativity out of my life right now. Today I stayed in my room most of the day and read. I've never done that before and it makes me feel guilty. I question everything I do. Has anyone ever felt this way?

 

[AKP7]

I had a PTSD attack so bad last year it took me out of work. I pushed to get better. All for my child's...

It is good that you have the support of your family. I go through those things as well. Sometimes we should take things one day at a time, at least that's what i try to do. Each day i support my self by saying tomorrow will be a better day.

 

[Souless]

It is a blessing to you, that you have family support. I have none and therefore neither does my child. Due to the circumstances that this CPTSD came about, our family couldn't deal with it, therefore we are entirely isolated and I know my child 'detests' my illness, also not understanding any part of it. 'Mental illness' of any description is not 'acceptable' in our family. Friends do not exist, it's like telling them you have leprosy. Complete isolation.

 

[LostInCPTSD]

I had a PTSD attack so bad last year it took me out of work. I pushed to get better. All for my child's...

Absolutely Mim - like every word you said I can relate to and going through right now 100% - I feel so helpless and out of my own control and that all my dreams and strength I used to hold so dear for my survival are shattered and now what do I have left to turn or hold onto? Trying to not end my life for my kids sake, but not out of self-love like it should be.. thanks for posting you make me feel less isolated - I have no family or friends I can talk to about this without getting eye rolls and ridicule or being accused of just being lazy and scamming to get out if work - guess they don't know me at all.. so I don't give any effort to go see them.. I just have my kids and I love them more than anything in the world - so painful !!! Huge hugs to you and thanks again for sharing !

 

[LostInCPTSD]

It is a blessing to you, that you have family support. I have none and therefore neither does my child...

Same here.. it's a nightmare. I pray you stay strong enough to continue and able to be there for your kids - you are super important even tho you may not be seeing anyone treating you the way you ought to be treated.. take care and my thoughts and prayers to you..

 

[Mim28]

Absolutely Mim - like every word you said I can relate to and going through right now 100% - I feel...

Thank you Lost! I hate that you are going through this too. We will beat this. Its good we have children to keep us somewhat grounded. I understand the lack of self love. For the last 2 weeks the "old good times" only made me cry and feel like they were gone forever, but today I remember that they were also after some major bumps in the road and there will be more good times. I just need to be kind to myself and so do you. Many Hugs!

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

People here know and understand what you're going through, Mim. We're here for you. For a couple of months, all I did was sleep and sleep and didn't even enjoy life. I felt better just being away from everyone however I had to get a job and straighten myself out even if it meant falling out of bed to get going. What I did was gave all of my problems to my Higher Power, went back to school and got a part time job that paid a lot more than the State paid. I'm on my husband's benefits.

Let everyone else handle stuff. Give people stuff to do because you're overwhelming yourself and not enjoying the emotional joy of the wedding nor are you enjoying life. Let others handle it. You deal with you. LOVE AND HUGS

 

[Deleted member 37085]

I had a PTSD attack so bad last year it took me out of work. I pushed to get better. All for my child's...

Yes, feeling all that right now! Thank you for your post and you're not alone. JJ

It is a blessing to you, that you have family support. I have none and therefore neither does my child...

Not accepted in my family either even though they were exposed as well. So horrible not to have family here to understand and cope. Thank you for your post.

Dealing horribly right now w/panic and fear from EMDR sessions (one too many, and each one too long, and too close to machine). Panic and stress and fear are all the order of the day. I try so hard to stay positive and keep being dragged down into the proverbial rabbit hole of panic. Again thank you for your candor, I don't feel so all alone now. JJ

 

[elektriknathan]

I had a PTSD attack so bad last year it took me out of work. I pushed to get better. All for my child's...

Yes I have but I have learned acceptance

What you are doing is demanding of yourself, I did the same. But remember, healing comes with acceptance.
You have PTSD and you are working through it. It's like being rehabilitated from a severe physical injury, it takes time and acceptance. Bit by bit, inch by inch.

My theory is, I do not know if it is accurate, that PTSD is similar kind of thing as being whacked on the head with a strong object and then blanking out and having a traumatic physical brain injury but in principle.

Everything is everywhere, it's all fragmented but then you need therapy to sew it all back together

Hope this helps