I'm Seriously Lacking In Friends...

[Muzikluvr]

I recently went through a rather tough time. I realize now, that the suicidal ideation was likely inflamed by sorting through too many pictures and memorabilia last weekend. I put all our pictures and stuff in this great big box, many years ago, and then became so overwhelmed with it that I stopped taking pictures. There are years, now, of missing pics of my kids as they grow up. That is hitting me pretty hard right now.

Feeling sorry for myself.

I should have talked to a friend last week, but the two I rely on were dealing with their own issues. I didn't think this was a big deal. I thought I could handle it myself, but it spiraled out... first SI and then paranoia.

How do YOU ask for help when you need it?

Things will get better when I'm busy again. The dog days of summer are gone now.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

It is so hard to get the courage to reach out to safe others. I usually ask them if they have time to talk and then I tell them how I am doing and ask them out to breakfast or lunch. Sometimes they can and sometimes they cannot.

I never reached out after so many branding experiences with people. I have three really good friends now. I so enjoy being with them because they are so wonderful. I remember a time when I thought the whole world was cut up into perpertrators and victims and I did not believe that there was good people in the world.

Being busy helps me out greatly. But I get lonely and need contact with safe others. I wish that for you as well. Just try to ask them out for a snack with you and see where it takes you. I wish you the best in learning how to reach out.

 

[Muzikluvr]

Thanks gizmo, I appreciate your kindness. You are a good friend to those of us on the forum. You often find supportive words for others when I am at a loss as to how to respond to them. I greatly admire that about you.

Thanks for your response.

 

[Muzikluvr]

I just need connection. I hate sympathy. My symptoms flare up sometimes, it passes, I know it will pass, but sometimes it's made worse by feeling isolated and then I'm like a deer in headlights. I have no plan for connecting with people when I'm too vulnerable for normal people. Normal people being those who freak out at your run of the mill suicidal ideation.

I can't risk reaching out to acquaintances for connection when I want to die. They won't understand. They'll distance themselves from me. Things would never be the same between us.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I only have one true friend. Unfortunately she lives in the next state and I only see her twice a year. She'll be here next week. I have known her for 32 years. She stood by me through thick and thin. Words can't express how grateful I am to her.

SI is a fickle state to be in. I don't talk about it except with my therapist and a little here. I lose hope sometimes and then my mood collapses. But after so many years of this, I know the mood will pass and that I will laugh again.

I also have a big box of all the photos I've taken and I hardly ever take pictures now even though my phone is available all the time.

I hope you feel better soon.

 

[shimmerz]

Hmmmm, this has me thinking. I stopped taking pics of my 'family' right after the divorce. I have never been able to take pictures since. I wonder if this whole thing started back then? Interesting thought and ty @Muzikluvr for bringin this to my attention.

I don't really call mine SI although perhaps it is. Mine is more of a 'running outside and dropping in a ditch in -20 degree weather' idealization. SI is much easier to say. :-) For me it happens when my brain goes into an extreme loop and I just cannot see any way out. When there is no way out my idea is to drop in a snow bank away from everyone - never to be thought about or found again. I know the cause of this .... I am wondering if yours follows a pattern of some sort as well?

 

[Muzikluvr]

Ack! This thread fills me with shame. It has been the only reason which has worked to keep me off the forum. I know my thoughts are passing and I know that when written here, they are for all the world to see. .. forever. And, my title sucks! It doesn't really fit. ..

But I'm so grateful to you @shimmerz to have found something useful in it. Your description of SI is right on point! Like, I just want to melt into the background never to be seen or heard from again. I was trying to figure out a way to satisfy my needs and I decided to reread the Twilight series. It's so sappy! They're so desperate to know each other. I love it, ha! In a very guilty pleasure kind of way. The second book, though is just way too spot on for my SI.

She stops living. Stops creating. She just goes along to get along without really engaging in life. I had to skip to the end today or I would have shirked all my responsibilities. As it is, I didn't hem my daughter's new pants which she's dying to wear to school. I just sank down into the despair that Bella was feeling. .. and then skipped her reckless suicide-ish attempts. Too close for comfort.

I can absolutely understand not taking pics after a divorce. I hope you will start again. On the other hand, I often feel like a camera distances me from the experience. I look at some pics at cocoa beach and remember that all I could do was capture it on film, participating was out of the question. I was too close to tears. Flashbacks? Maybe. Melancholy or something is more likely.

Thank you for your response! I'm feeling much better this evening.