I'm Sort Of All Over The Place . . .

[nursenurse]

I'm sorry for your loss, and I echo the sentiment to tell him. You take away his choices when you make those kinds of decisions for him. Good luck, you are in my heart and prayers.

 

[DMerish]

Thanks Nursenurse, Britt, D123, P-no, Candleflames . . . You're right, and I knew it before, but couldn't bring it up into my consciousness so needed all you guys to tell me :rolleyes: It's amazing - I'm feeling completely fine . . . Well, sure some saddness is still there and I'm excited about my son coming for the day . . . but the anxiety is gone . . . This has been a good lesson for me to try and remember next time, when I'm feeling this anxious/this type of "I'm all over the place" emotional state to try and bring up stuff that I know is going on in my subconscious. :coffee: Thanks again!

 

[Abstract]

Very sorry you are in such a painful situation, and sorry for the pain it caused his family and yours. I know the particular pain of suicide.

I am glad you posted here for input and to process this. understand too that sometimes we are not functioning well and the more primitive impulses take over. I always like the way you maturely take on board what others say and then make up your mind what feels right to you.

You have made the right decision. There is a time and place for protecting children but I believe there are few things that are best kept from an adult child and certainly not something like this. This was his close friend and it is his loss to deal with. Withholding usually adds many new injuries to an already difficult situation.

You would be well meaning but essentially, what would be implied is that he is not capable of handling life and that you need to do so for him. Our role in life to support others when they ask for the support and when it is not damaging to us. It isn't to save" anyone. Noone has that ability nor should they.

And cyber hugs to you. :hug:One of the most helpful things for me when it comes to suicide was accepting that everyone has free choice. Guilt, regret and "what if's" can totally annihilate you otherwise. Take care.

 

[DMerish]

Hi Abstract,

Thanks so much for your words, wisdom, sentiments and hugs :hug: They mean a lot to me.

Drew

 

[Toria]

Hi Drew - I am so glad you made the choice you did. I am also so sorry that you had to make the choice in the first place - like someone said above, death is one thing, but that is something else altogether. I hope that your son is okay x

 

[DMerish]

Just an update . . . The funeral was very special. No slurpy sentiments: only genuine heartfelt words spoken by friends and family about what a unique, intelligent and loving individual the young man was. Unknown to me he had joined our local fire department as a volunteer two weeks ago. My eldest son is a fireman with a neigboring community and plays bagpipes with a troup. A drums and pipes progression (playing Peter Gabriel's "Talk to Me") progression was held from the chaple to the funeral home (four blocks).

My youngest son came in late last night. I was so happy to see him and he me :) I wish I felt love like I feel for my son all the time for everyone. I wish it didn't take needing to be near events like death to remind me how precious life is, how precious my time is.

My boys talked this morning, then the younger son's employer called. I drove him back to the airport before noon. Birthday party plans postponed. While at the airport I stopped at the bookstore and stumbled on a book called The Five Things We Cannot Change . . . .And the happiness We Find By Embracing Them" by David Richo. Here are the five things:

1. Everything changes and ends.
2. Things do not always go according to plan.
3. Life is not fair.
4. Pain is part of life.
5. People are not loving and loyal all the time.

 

[Definitely..maybe]

@DMerish I'm glad everything went okay, and that you got to see your son for at least a little while. That book seems very appropriate and helpful.

I really, truly hope you and your family are doing okay. Sending lots of good thoughts your way!

 

[DMerish]

Thanks for your kind sentiments, DM. I'm tired from all the excitement and emotion the last few days and my bedroom floor is spewed with clothes (dirty and clean, and I don't know which is which so I just wore the same thing to work today as I wore yesterday. I figure if anyone says anything, it would just mean they are rude and can F themself). And the car's on empty, there's nothing in my fridge, etc. etc. But I'm fine. Honestly, we're fine, really. I think things will really be hard at Christmas. We'll see . . .