So I'm struggling to get to know people properly. I've always had similar problems, always been shy as a kid and had social anxiety for most of my life. But since the trauma happened, I have no idea how to talk to people normally. I've been at university for a year and a half now, and there is nobody there that I can talk to or hold a conversation with. It's incredibly lonely and it's created problems, which has resulted in hospital admissions twice now. I don't know what to do to help myself, I've tried joining societies and messaging people, but I just don't know how to talk to people. Does anyone have any suggestions?
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Impossible to make friends and extreme loneliness
- Post starter evannaj
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EveHarrington
VIP Member
Have you been able to make friends online?
It’s hard for me to meet people in person, but I’m pretty good at meeting people online and starting friendships that way. (Haha, obviously not here, as I suck at making friends here.)
No, it’s not the same as meeting people in person, but it gives you social practice, especially if the friendship moves from online to texting to talking to Skyping to meeting in person.
Don’t get me wrong, meeting people online isn’t exactly a cake walk either, but it can be easier than in person. You just have to be careful to not give away too much of yourself too fast as to stay as safe as possible.
It’s hard for me to meet people in person, but I’m pretty good at meeting people online and starting friendships that way. (Haha, obviously not here, as I suck at making friends here.)
No, it’s not the same as meeting people in person, but it gives you social practice, especially if the friendship moves from online to texting to talking to Skyping to meeting in person.
Don’t get me wrong, meeting people online isn’t exactly a cake walk either, but it can be easier than in person. You just have to be careful to not give away too much of yourself too fast as to stay as safe as possible.
Friday
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I can usually make friends wherever I go - and I’ve spent 2/3s of my life traveling, so that’s very much tested // Am further one of those people who can talk to just about anyone about just about anything (2 totally different things, there).
When my PTSD stuff is acting up? I can’t. I lose the ability to speak, to interact, to exercise complex judgment, to connect... all on top of not havin the freaking energy necessary to do any of it, much less consistency needed for building / maintaining relationships... intermingled with periodic bouts of misanthropy (I hate everyone, or near enough). :wtf:
What I’ve found in my own life is that I have to take care of the me-stuff before I’m able to do things with others. That’s what allows the rest the ability to happen.
When my PTSD stuff is acting up? I can’t. I lose the ability to speak, to interact, to exercise complex judgment, to connect... all on top of not havin the freaking energy necessary to do any of it, much less consistency needed for building / maintaining relationships... intermingled with periodic bouts of misanthropy (I hate everyone, or near enough). :wtf:
What I’ve found in my own life is that I have to take care of the me-stuff before I’m able to do things with others. That’s what allows the rest the ability to happen.
D
Deleted member 44579
Hi @evannaj.. I'm Sorry you are going through this.. Part of ptsd can be not getting to close to anyone, or running away when you do.
I think if you can join groups of things you like to do the rest will follow... Ie friends... It does take time and I know you have said you have tried this...
Are you open and smiling when you meet new people or shy and unsure what to say or do..
I think a lot of us on here struggle with loneliness.. So you're not alone.
I think you would be surprised how many people in your uni are going through the same as you.... Please remember it won't always be like this.. This is just temporary... You will make friends... Take care
I think if you can join groups of things you like to do the rest will follow... Ie friends... It does take time and I know you have said you have tried this...
Are you open and smiling when you meet new people or shy and unsure what to say or do..
I think a lot of us on here struggle with loneliness.. So you're not alone.
I think you would be surprised how many people in your uni are going through the same as you.... Please remember it won't always be like this.. This is just temporary... You will make friends... Take care
richard_Grey_Area
Bronze Member
Hello.
I am sorry about the place you find yourself in.
I can suggest to you that you don't see relationships (friendship is a type of relationship) as a goal as this can lead people to put pressure on themselves and take people not wanting to get to know them as a reflection on their worth. This in turn can create awkwardness which jeopardises your chances of getting into a relationship in before anything even happens.
There are many reasons people don't interact or don't interact in certain ways, assuming "there is something wrong with me" is something I think many who have suffered trauma might be inclined to do, but I worry that making that assumption and starting from this perspective can be as damaging as assuming that it is because other people are "rubbish".
It is natural for relationships to develop and change. Many people who interact as part of their lives (work or study, etc) will want to know each other better and give each other a chance. Trying to 'prove' to yourself or others that there isn't something "wrong" with you by getting into a relationship would be a very bad mistake because it is entirely the wrong motivation for starting a relationship.
Rather I would advise you to give others a chance and give yourself a chance, take time and take care and don't force it in order to prove something.
Also, try not to make too many assumptions about why people do or don't interact with you and their motivations for this.
I am sending you a non-specific gesture of respect and friendship and I hope that your things improve in your life and people (including yourself) recognise qualities in you in future.
bye.
I am sorry about the place you find yourself in.
I can suggest to you that you don't see relationships (friendship is a type of relationship) as a goal as this can lead people to put pressure on themselves and take people not wanting to get to know them as a reflection on their worth. This in turn can create awkwardness which jeopardises your chances of getting into a relationship in before anything even happens.
There are many reasons people don't interact or don't interact in certain ways, assuming "there is something wrong with me" is something I think many who have suffered trauma might be inclined to do, but I worry that making that assumption and starting from this perspective can be as damaging as assuming that it is because other people are "rubbish".
It is natural for relationships to develop and change. Many people who interact as part of their lives (work or study, etc) will want to know each other better and give each other a chance. Trying to 'prove' to yourself or others that there isn't something "wrong" with you by getting into a relationship would be a very bad mistake because it is entirely the wrong motivation for starting a relationship.
Rather I would advise you to give others a chance and give yourself a chance, take time and take care and don't force it in order to prove something.
Also, try not to make too many assumptions about why people do or don't interact with you and their motivations for this.
I am sending you a non-specific gesture of respect and friendship and I hope that your things improve in your life and people (including yourself) recognise qualities in you in future.
bye.
- Post starter
- #7
I have made friends online in the past, I just don't know how to find people any more. It's difficult, I don't have many hobbies as my course takes up pretty much all of my time. I'm planning on joining social societies and the like this semester, but meeting new people is just a little scary as I just have no idea what to say to them, and if I do persevere it feels as though I can't form a bond with them
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