It's Impossible, For Me, To Undertake To Do Anything

[Nishkaa]

Hi Dot,

I'll have to check back on that poem. Been still having sleep problems that I need to attend to. My meds worked for a couple of days, but don't seem to be working now and that's messing up the routines I'm trying to establish. I got triggered yesterday and between that, the sleep problem, a touch of depression, the withdrawal space I've been in, and a touch of agrophobia, it's a bit of a challenge to get myself out the door. It will pass, and I have faith, I will overcome it.

"He says it's impossible, but I say it's possible"-- I'm still working with the Lauryn Hill song at the moment, this will push me forward. I have to plan and write down my plan for how I take my meds tonight to help me to sleep-- my doctor has given me some flexibility between a 25mg and 50 mg of Seroquel. The 25s aren't working, but the 50s make me super-tired, but if I take a 50 by just after dinner, I should be able to drop off to sleep by midnight and get up fresh in the morning. . . I hope. If I keep track of this, I'll figure out what works best.

A little bit of inspiration and a little bit of planning, I think should help me overcome. I just got hit with things that made it hard for to get up today, multiple factors, exhaustion, etc. I know the general direction is good and positive and it's a process and I'm not alone and I will overcome, because I'm not alone in this universe. I am healing, even though it's exhausting at times, I can think positively and try to take some direct action to help improve my condition.

That's the challenge, some of the symptoms of PTSD can be really derailing and get in the way of progressing, keeping with routine, and goals. I've been battling this for a couple of weeks and probably much longer than that. I'm going to try again to take some action to move towards the goal of getting out of the house. I'll write down some steps I can take to help improve my condition and with God's help, I hope I succeed.

I'll come back to the new inspiration, I know where it is and I'll come back to it, knowing where it is. I'm inspired, but also really tired, but I know there's a way through it and I have faith.

 

[Dot Warner]

Nishkaa, you are incredibly strong! You will get it, I have no doubt.

I think that in this same moment you need a bit of relaxation. I don't know what makes you relax, maybe nature, or music.. you ave many options: burning incense while listening to some classic guitar music, going to have a walk in a wood and then sit down under a tree, close you eyes and listen to leaves, whle air caresses your skin, your eyes are closed and youre breath is calm, profound and silent..

 

[Nishkaa]

Hi Dot,

Thank you so much for this-- this was very comforting and I really appreciate that-- this is good relaxation-- great tips-- thank you-- I feel relaxed just reading it :)

I just noticed a "banned" thing on your name and I got your PMs and they were also really helpful but I'm not able to reply from there. I know you can probably though still view posts-- I think you are really on to something re: use of pranic breath and it sounds like you've had an interesting journey as well :) You've got some good sources to draw on to help you through this journey.

Check out the Flylady webite for help with routines, and small goal setting.

Also there are a few groups for dissociative disorders out there, there's a couple through "yuku", one is called "Coping with Dissociative Identity Disorder", which may be helpful-- they also deal with and give support re: PTSD. There's a good "coping skills section" there in the Resources pages which can be helpful as well? The founder's name is Emily. There's other groups too out there, search for what feels right for you.

They'll also be very likely to understand and identify with the severe types of abuse you experienced in childhood and your dissociation symptoms.

They're moderated too, with different rules, one to be careful about is about religion there-- because there are SRA survivors so it's for their safety, but there's some really good people over there as well. I did some healing there to help me understand some of my 'splits'. My recovery goals have shifted more to getting a good grip on my PTSD symptoms, so I wanted to work more on that here. But the "energy tapping" stuff, there are some people there who relate to these methods, and chakras, etc.

I don't know if "banned" means "banned indefinitely" here, but where one door closes, another one can open up for you. Have to Keep Faith that things are working towards a greater healing, always.

It's been a very deep honour to have connected with you here and these gifts I will cherish for life-- I mean that!

And Lauryn Hill-- man that song-- she knows where it's at! Thank you so much for introducing me to that song-- what an incredible performance, a very talented and deeply soulful woman-- I haven't been touched by a piece of music like that in a long time. That was an incredible gift you shared here.

I have faith in you, that it's all possible-- that healing, that's a sacred journey and good things will continue to come from that.

Namaste,
~Nishkaa

 

[Nishkaa]

Okay, now I think I understand the reason for the banning-- infractions on posting weblinks on the public forum (I think you're still allowed to post them in PMs though-- I better check that out too, but I think that's okay?).

I also read that the moderators can also lift bans, after a period of time, so maybe this will happen for you here as well.

It's sometimes hard to remember the rules-- and especially with dissociation symptoms going on, it can be tricky to remember. I should probably read the rules daily my self, each time I log on to make sure I'm remembering the rules. I trust they have reasons for the rules and they're looking out for the good of all members.

Anyway, maybe we'll see you back-- there is room for Hope for that and reasons for Hope in generally, not all depends on this forum. I think you have really excellent insight and a high intelligence, and lots of good awareness that will help you along in your healing journey.

All the Best,
~Nishkaa

 

[Dot Warner]

Hi Nishkaa!

I am back again ;)

Thank you again. :)

 

[PerfectEmpire]

I just wanted to say Thanks to both of you for making this thread. I've been struggling with the same issue for 2 years now.

Desperation to get away from the chaos at home was the entire basis of my personality, my achievement, and my existence! Now I can't even get out of bed most days, let alone do laundry or hold a job.

About 3 years after I left my childhood home, I crashed. I used to be the hardest working person I knew, but now I can barely feed myself. It's almost as if the anxiety and fear that drove me as a child/adolescent need to be replaced with something healthier. I am still trying to figure out what that is.

 

[Dot Warner]

Hi Perfect Empire,

If you don't go out, you will never find out...

Good luck!