Improving Self Worth

[EveHarrington]

<notices this forum is so empty and that makes me sad>

Anyone who is familiar with my post history will understand that this is a huge accomplishment for me.

I have a history of hating myself and believing I’m worthless. This is something that I couldn’t fix, no matter what I tried.

I’m learning more about OCD and the few skills I know have helped me to move away from being so hard on myself. I’m learning that it’s a disorder of being unable to tolerate the unknown and I’m learning to be ok with uncertainty.

My OCD type is scrupulosity, morality, and purity that spills over into relationships. These themes are tied in with my trauma and there’s no way to fully separate the two disorders as they play off each other.

The self hatred is melting away. I’m able to finally see that I have worth. I know it’s going to be an ongoing battle but this is a big step for me as I finally have the right skills.

(FYI certain skills for PTSD & other mental disorders are in direct conflict of OCD treatment as reassurance makes OCD worse. This is why it was so harmful for me to be pushed towards these therapies time and time again, and why I never got any better in terms of the obsessions and compulsions.)

 

[Ecdysis]

Wow, great progress Eve and great work! It must be a relief to finally see things moving in the right direction.

 

[arfie]

ya caught me, eve. . . i navigate this website through the newsfeed and alerts. i scarcely even note the different forums. even distinguishing between forums and journals is a bit of an effort. i totally failed to notice the accomplishments forum is so inactive. the shame in that is that taking the time to celebrate even the smallest of my accomplishments is a critical part of my personal recovery.

but the accomplishment you posted here is far from a small accomplishment. self-awareness is a HUGE accomplishment in recovery. thank you for posting this. evidence that healing happens is great encouragement. congratulations on that accomplishment. well done, my healing warrior.

(FYI certain skills for PTSD & other mental disorders are in direct conflict of OCD treatment as reassurance makes OCD worse. This is why it was so harmful for me to be pushed towards these therapies time and time again, and why I never got any better in terms of the obsessions and compulsions.)

as a child sex trafficking survivor who started psychotherapy in 1972. decades before the current treatments had formulated, i often refer to the theoretical diagnoses (pl) and treatments my recovery has percolated through as, "a psycho smorgasbord." i shudder to think of just how confused i would be now if i had accepted every treatment option available. it is good to keep an open mind, but not so open that your brain falls out.

trust your instincts, eve. you are the one holding ALL of the inside data. keep cleaning supplies handy for missed guesses.

for what it's worth
OCD just might be the only dish on my psycho smorgasbord which hasn't changed much in all these decades. i still can't go up a flight of stairs without counting them. if i lose count, my OCD still nags to go back down the stairs and start over. sometimes i still listen to the OCD nag and do exactly that.

 

[Friday]

Well done, you.

Your thread from a few years back on Self Worth is one of my hands down favourites of all time (along with its companion pieces on self respect, decision making, & trust; 4 serious pillars/ hurdles/ mountains to ascend/ vaults to crack? IDFK. Complicated & challenging as hell those 4 things). Not only do I often link it, but it’s IMMEASURABLY helpful in my own life.

Damn glad to read you’re getting real traction.