In A Bad Place....

[Pinkcake]

My dad's gravestone came in and was installed on Thursday. I've been in a really bad spot since then. Of COURSE it would have to come right at Christmas. I went there today. I was just so sad.

The nightmares are back with a vengeance and they are AWFUL. They are altered, like crazy stuff happening during the dreams like my dad looking at me while the death rattle and the convulsions are happening. I'm dreaming of other family dying.

I am drinking a couple glasses of wine tonight because I don't want to dream. I want to sleep through the night, I don't care how crappy it makes me feel in the morning.

 

[therapybankrupt]

Yeah those stones are never ready at a good time. Use your tools! Lots of ideas in Wiki to help with symptoms. :hug:

 

[GreenFrog2]

Be kind and gentle to yourself Pincake. Sleep well :hug:.

 

[Shellbell]

Nightmares are awful. Take care of yourself Pincake, it's a difficult time of year and you deserve to be kind to yourself.

I hope you sleep okay. Hugs if you need one :hug:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Be gentle on yourself. This what you are going through is so hard and almost impossible. I am sorry it is around christmas. Be really kind to you and take alot of breaks as you need them. Hugs.

 

[sweetgirl1975]

When you say you are tired, people dont quite get it that you are tired from having nightmares for weeks on end. Paicing all night long to wake up sweaty and cold, and tired to try to deal with every day...

 

[sweetgirl1975]

Be kind to yourself and sleep when u are tired.

 

[Tinyflame]

Pinkcake, not sure if this could be in any way helpful, and I certainly don't mean to minimize the loss and realities of it (I don't), but maybe think of this part of it, I can't afford a marker for a loved one, I would be so happy to get one it would be a present for me, it's a really awful feeling to know they're lying in an unmarked grave. You've done good. You've honored and loved your dad well, he'd want you and your child to be happy. (And you both share his genes and example. :hug: )

Hugs and hope you can get a bit of a peaceful sleep.

 

[Pinkcake]

When you say you are tired, people dont quite get it that you are tired from having nightmares for weeks on end. Paicing all night long to wake up sweaty and cold, and tired to try to deal with every day...

YES! It is so exhausting. Especially when I wake up only to fall back into the same dream or just a slight variation of the same dream. The only time I've been more exhausted was when my son was a newborn with GERD and had to sleep up right so nights were spent in a recliner.

I slept okay last night. I still didn't sleep great but not too bad. I didn't dream...I'm sure thanks to the wine. That's only a temporary fix though. I just need to be patient with myself. I napped with my two year old today and it was great. Snuggling him, I didn't dream at all. We slept for 2 hours and I feel better tonight.

Junebug- that bothered me for a long while. After the cost of the funeral, we couldn't afford the gravemarker and installation for several months. I am thankful that we could do it for him and for us too. I don't take offense at all to what you wrote. We are fortunate to have a big family who could all chip in.

Thank you all for your well wishes and hugs. I certainly appreciate them. What helps the most is knowing that I'm not alone in my suffering.

 

[Pinkcake]

Already awake from a bad dream and it is only 11:28. Let's hope this night improves.

It doesn't help that, because of Christmas dog treats, my dog's gas smells like sulfer and is burning my nose. I could bottle this stink and sell it to the military.

 

[Sailorgal]

I hope you slept better Pincake. I haven't been sleeping at night for a few weeks....combination of things. Hopefully that Christmas is over the nightmares won't be as strong.