In Need Of Advice On My Issue With Authority Figures

[Bodhisattva]

Hi, this is my first time using this website.

Ive been suffering from complex PTSD because of my childhood physical, verbal and emotional abuse from my parents. I have made a lot of progresses over years and I can function much better now, expect for my relationship with authority figures.

As many of complex PTSD sufferers must experience, I freeze and can't behave naturally with most of authority figures, especially ones who are important for me to get along with.
Consequently, I can never build a good relationship with my boss at work. I do fine with my colleagues unless I sense abusive trait in them. Now, I've got a very friendly boss, but my attitude has affected the boss's attitude though I've just started working there. While the boss enjoys interacting with other staffs, our interaction is stiff and has no flaw. I tried to be positive and friendly, but my fear and stiffness comes through. I don't think it's only because English is my second language. I've experienced this over and over in my life time.

I unconsciously wait for authority figures to abuse their power on me. I know it's not always true in my mind, but I can't be comfortable with them, never. This has harmed my career a lot, as you can easily imagine.

I'm hoping to hear any tips and advice to overcome this issue from survivors who have experienced the same issue.

I'd love to go back to therapy when my financial situation and time allow me, but for now I need to cope with my issue by myself.

Your help will be greatly appreciated. Thanks for advance

 

[Moonie]

Hi there--I feel like I might have the same issue. I am very distrustful towards authorities, especially men, it's something I didn't realize until recently (i'm 34). I guess I don't know how to cope with it either but just wanted to say you're not alone! In cases where I have had positive relationships with authority figures (such as bosses) it's usually when I can imagine that person being my friend outside of work. As in, I treat them as I would a new friend, respectful but not submissive. If I can keep myself from falling into a submissive pattern it's much easier to not be fearful and to have a trusting relationship. Welcome to the site--I come on now and then when I'm feeling particularly overwhelmed. Good luck

 

[Abstract]

I think keep going and challenging your fears is the best way to go. Do you feel this way with your therapist? That can be a safe place to practice new ways of being.

My issue is a little different. I have a problem with authority figures but react by automatically befriending them if they are problematic, making them love me and then ending up in deep trouble again and again. Internally I am shattering into a thousand pieces but on the outside it seems I look fine. Mixed blessing.

 

[Bodhisattva]

Hi there--I feel like I might have the same issue. I am very distrustful towards authorities, especially...

Hi Moonie, thank you for letting me know that I'm not alone on this and sharing your experience. It makes sense that you can get along with bosses who you could imagine being your good friend outside of your work. Hope that will happen to me too!

 

[Bodhisattva]

I think keep going and challenging your fears is the best way to go. Do you feel this way with your the...

Hi Abstract, thank you for your advice. I agree with you. If I can experience something different with my therapist, I can apply that to my life. I don't feel threatened or fearful with my therapist, but still it's not easy for me to trust her or to feel comfortable enough to be friendly with her. So yeah, it can be a perfect place for me to practice a new way of interacting with people I don't completely feel comfortable.

In a way, I feel a little envious that you could befriend them and make them like you. But I can imagine that could cause different kinds of trouble if they are problematic people. There have been times when I felt it was probably good for me not to be favoured by a problematic boss. At the same time, I still wish I could build a "ok" relationship with them so that I can use their references to the next job opportunity, if you know what I mean.

 

[Freedomfighter]

Hi, this is my first time using this website.

Ive been suffering from complex PTSD because of my...

Do not be afraid of your own instinct.

I have in the past ignored my own instincts. Do you know what that did? It allowed dangerous predators to get way too close.

That is exactly what predators want. They want to mess with your mind so that you forget all about your instincts. Because then they can get close enough for the kill.

Oh yeah, I know all about that.

Now, at the slightest inkling that there is something wrong with a person I run and run and run. You would not believe how many people I consciously avoid every day. They are the sick puppies, the ones who have already lost in the game of life, the ones who want to leach others out, the ones who want to use you, the ones who would love to claim your talents as their own and believe me they will always see me from the back, getting away from them.

It drives them insane when they notice I want nothing to do with them.

I have seen many sickos like that and there are many many females out there who will do that to other females. They completely lack moral, true expertise and talent. They want to be in close proximity to someone who has everything that it takes, they want to be close to someone with a real life, close to someone who has real ideas, who is vivacious, who will command attention from the other gender.

And oh please I do not even want to talk about the desperate females who will literally assault females who have it going on.

 

[Bodhisattva]

Do not be afraid of your own instinct.

I have in the past ignored my own instincts. Do you know...

Hi Freedomfighter, thank you for taking your time to respond to my post. It's a good point that we should trust our instinct. I believe it's valuable to trust our guts, especially for us with PTSD to not re-victimize ourselves. But at the same time, I've isolated myself by following my instincts and avoiding people who I think are actually not so dangerous. My instinct raises red flags way too often, unnecessarily. I know it's a part of PTSD. I think my fear reaction sometimes triggers abusive traits in authority figures or non authority figures.

Anyways, reading your reply helped me think that my fear reaction is not always something to dismiss all the times. But I would like to find a way to not be triggered too much so that I can better function at work.