Making a claim on my Father's Estate - struggling - need advice and suggestions.

ms spock

Sponsor
I'm not sure I understand. Are you contesting his will? Are you simply probating his estate? Did he owe you money? Maybe you could expound on what you are trying to accomplish.
I am contesting his will.

Sorry I am so stressed I didn't see my replies to you.
 
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ms spock

Sponsor
I know you know this, but just to validate it - that's a very very large list of stressors you are living with. It's more than understandable that you feel like things are just spiraling out all over the place. Try and breathe for a minute.

A suggestion of how to get a little bit of distance from the negative thoughts and feelings you're suffering from right now

(1) List out all the things. Everything that is in your world right now, both the things you ARE doing, and the things hanging over your head as "to-do"s. Based on your post above, I think your list would look something like:
  • Keeping up with the networking for future employment
  • Support B
  • Dealing with Father's estate
  • Dealing with eating habits
  • Grieving for papa B
  • battle with anxiety symptoms
  • not being able to sleep
  • medication management
  • journaling/writing on the forum
  • see psychiatrist
  • take time to relax
  • get exercise
and doing continuing education.

I fractured my finger and that's been annoying.

I am back here again. How can I let things go like this. I am pretty stressed. The solicitor has been useless and did nothing. So I rang him and asked him to send me all the documentation and that was over two months ago. It is probably over three months actually. He didn't let B know when the estate was settled and he didn't do anything.

He said he wrote a letter to my Father's Estate which they didn't reply to him but he did nothing to follow up.
(2) Sort the things into two categories. Those categories are 'essential/daily things' and 'future things'.

As an example: if I was doing this exercise with my own life, something like medication management would be an essential, daily thing, along with taking care of my cats. I would choose right now to consider going to therapy an essential thing. Just remember that this is an exercise, and you can choose to deem things essential, or not. It's totally up to you.
I just spent two days on the couch watching TV. We spent three days in hospital last week. I don't know what is wrong with B.

The estate thing has been preying on my mind and I didn't realise how long that this has been going on.

I just wrote an email to the solicitor to ask for the letter that he wrote to my Father's Estate. When I rang last time he then rang B because he is late with B's estate stuff. We are moving everything elsewhere. He didn't return my call. I slipped into hopelessness and helplessness.

But I am scared that he didn't write the letter to my Father's Estate - but that is hopeless and helpless catastrophic thinking and I don't need to go there. One thing at a time.
If you aren't confident it's essential, then just put it in the 'future things' pile. For example, if this were my exercise, I'd (also) have networking on my list. It feels essential right now, but is it actually essential? I'll ask myself: Have I been avoiding it, pushing it off? (yes) How time-sensitive is it, can it wait? (Well, I might not want it later - in fact I know I don't, because I want to reap the results of it now - but it can happen later, and those results can happen later, too. Yes, it can wait)
I am so scared of making the wrong decisions. I keep feeling like I am always making the wrong decisions but no one can make bad decisions all the time so that is not true either.
You'll have two piles. And with the things in the future pile...you can decide which things you want to add to your plate. Everything else? All those things are going to wait. And when you have gotten a handle on those things you decided to address first - maybe they are single tasks that can be completed and done, or maybe they are things that are no longer causing you trouble, or maybe something changes (a break from work, say)...basically, when you can make space for some more cards to go into your essentials pile - then those things you've put aside, you can pick them up. Not all at once. Just what you can handle.

The most important thing is to accept that some parts of life can sit. They can wait. While they are sitting and waiting, your only job is to leave them alone.
I don't think that has to be the thing that goes into the essential pile. You can stop the spiral by stopping the overload. To use stress cup analogy - it doesn't necessarily matter which thing is causing the overflow, the important thing is to make room in the cup. And, some things take up more space than others.
They do, some things take up a lot of space, and I keep thinking about things I have decided not to think about.
Last example: I'm struggling with some physical stuff right now, and some of it involves eating. I'm also struggling with a bunch of other things. There's a very specific way I want to be eating, but it is hard for me to get started. If I can accept that I am not going to try and start that right now - that I need to have some space open up in order to add it to the daily pile. I do have space opening up, actually: a chunk of days off work coming up. And enacting this eating plan will help drain some other stressors from my current cup. So: instead of beating myself up about not being on the plan, or worrying about it, or feeling shame, guilt, etc...I'm going to put it aside for right now, knowing that I will pick it up later.
That's sensible.
Nothing about this is going to sound new to you - it's all about some mindfulness basics. What might help, though, is to use the cards as a tool to put these stressors outside yourself for an hour or two, so you can assess what is for right now, and what is going to wait. When it's waiting, let it alone.
I can't seem to do that. I am feeling like such a mess but I did finally write an email because after his not following up the calls or not even returning the calls. Now I feel really stressed.

It will be a year since Papa Bear died shortly. I have lost contact with people in that time and it's been a weird year.
 

ms spock

Sponsor
Sometimes I should just retreat to the couch. I tried to go out side too do some grounding and walking. I fell up the stairs and tore a calf muscle. Now I can barely move.
 

ms spock

Sponsor
I got wrapped up in barbed wire showing it to someone else to be careful of. Still nothing back from the solicitor. I wrote another email outlining that the solicitor I helped B get the stuff ready for Papa Bear's Estate.
 

ms spock

Sponsor
On Wednesday that f*cking solicitor rang and broke confidentiality to B. I told the solicitor not to speak to B but he did. B is not up for the details of my bastard Sperm Donor. He was talking to B about Papa Bear's Estate and he just atarted to talk to him about my matter, no details but still I told him he was never to speak to B about it. He also gave him confidential records to give back to me. This is disgusting breach of privacy.
 
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ms spock

Sponsor
So when I spoke to the solicitor about 3 months ago he told me that my Father's estate never wrote back to him. But two days ago I got some of my documents back and there was a letter from my Father's Estate from February.

The solicitor lied in our closing down letter. I can't stop crying. I should have been more assertive and sent a letter of demand to him.

He didn't return my last call but rang my partner on another matter.

He's charged me $1876 to be utterly useless. I borrowed that money.

He was dealing with Papa Bear's Estate so I didn't want to cause problems but now I may have missed out on the ability to contest his estate. anyway as I was laid waste for a day when I realised that had happened and I had to get B to two specialists this week but yesterday I rang a lawyers and they got back to me immediately. I may have missed out my chance to contest his will due to being out of time but I might be able to take action over the sexual abuse.
 
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