Making a claim on my Father's Estate - struggling - need advice and suggestions.

ms spock

I don't have specific answers, but I want to let you know as far as estate stuff, I sort of innerstand, as I'm currently working through settling my mom's.
It's weird

I'm learning things I never knew I needed to know and each lesson breaks my heart a little more as it brings back the waves of grief to different degrees.
Yeah and my Father was really, really, really good at hiding money trails. He was so good to manipulate.

May the days and our minds be kind.
Yeah that would be good!

ms spock

I know you know this, but just to validate it - that's a very very large list of stressors you are living with.
It was all gone. I didn't get that at all.

It's more than understandable that you feel like things are just spiraling out all over the place. Try and breathe for a minute.

A suggestion of how to get a little bit of distance from the negative thoughts and feelings you're suffering from right now
That's what I am having trouble with doing.

(1) List out all the things. Everything that is in your world right now, both the things you ARE doing, and the things hanging over your head as "to-do"s. Based on your post above, I think your list would look something like:
  • Going to work and getting through it
  • Keeping up with the networking for future employment
  • Doing the hotline for the fires
  • Helping with animal rescue and recovery
  • Support B
  • Spend time with the nerds
  • Dealing with Father's estate
  • Dealing with eating habits
  • Grieving for papa B
  • battle with anxiety symptoms
  • not being able to sleep
  • fears about rape resurfacing
  • medication management
  • journaling/writing on the forum
  • giving support to others on the board
  • see psychiatrist
  • take time to relax
  • get exercise
........I'm sure that's not everything, and some might be wrong, but hopefully this helps give you a sense of what I mean.
It's a pretty good list you could add

my sister's spinal surgery today,
my brother on the edge of killing himself - but that's pretty normal for him poor little bro,
and this Crazy 65 year old woman who came to my outdoor Science class/workshop today and literally glared at me or made undermining comments.

I was brilliant today. The teaching was in the flow I was listening and including all the kids and I learnt 20 names in 5 minutes so I was able to call to them each using their name and include them. Psycho Crazy Lady aged 65 came and stared at me then she made comments I felt like packing up and going home but I pulled it together and I pulled it together brilliantly. It was exhausting but I did it. Then I went out to help with the bats, delivered food, and came back.

The fires are a big stressor I know where there were the last populations of certain critically endangered species, and they are gone, all of them, for good. They did walk throughs there are no animals of that species there. It's heart breaking.

Breathing is hard - we have had smoke here for a couple of months but it was so much worse down Sydney way. We look out the window and we see the smoke. We all know someone who lost a house. We meet other folks that are up set about their friends/family losing a house.

One of my friends is co-ordinating one of the fire sections in his area. He's been on deployment for 19 days straight. They are the best trained folks and they are doing a great job.

The Water theft continues and that is why the trees have no bore water to draw upon so they go up like powder kegs. Climate Crisis has a lot to do with the extremes in weather but the Water Theft has a lot to do with the exploding trees.

I went on a site to manage the venonmous snakes so of course they have disappeared but the site is so fire dangerous that no one should really be going there. If you are wise in a new group you would wait a couple of years but this needs to be dealt with ASAP. So I made a post it was controversial but the Fire Warden comes in on Tuesday morning. It will get sorted but it adds to my corrosive self doubt.

B's really depressed.

There are idiots giving Koalas water from drink bottles and hoses and the Koalas go into shock and die so on top of all we have lost from the fires well meaning idiots are killing so many of them. We don't have any we can afford to lose.

The hotline means dealing with the public that can be hard when folks are so distressed about the animal they are trying to assist.

After negotiating extensively with Crazy Loopy Lady 85 for a week it seems that was an momentary understanding. So I wasted hours on that.

And I thought I had work for this year but with Crazy Lady 65 doing her thing it's hard.

There's more I will write more later on.
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ms spock

(2) Sort the things into two categories. Those categories are 'essential/daily things' and 'future things'.
I lost all of this. I lost all of this. I am like spinning around and there's just so much going on.

I went to the workshop today. I saw all the photos of the burnt animals today and which ones we can save and which ones we can't. At a certain level there is nothing we can do. It was awful to see and a bit depressing about 60-70% just have to be euthanasia. It was so really demoralising. But the good thing is that some of the species will rebound back even with a minimal group members. But it's going to be a real struggle to get it all happening. Anyway I cannot do it at this time. I will just be back up on the advice line and do the local rescues. I have got to slow down.

ms spock

Other stressors currently in my cup include I stopped writing in my diary because I didn't want to record all this. It's just too much.

The anxiety of the general person in the street is high the people who ring the Hotline are sometimes crying so much you can't understand them.

Everyone is tired and stressed and you don't talk about it. Because you will fall in a heap and you don't have time to do that.

Every now and then I have comfort eating or half day or hour or day and watch TV but even I can't do that because there is just too much to be done.

I don't even live in one of the places that has been seriously compromised by fires. The closest fire was 12 kilometres away so they are not that close to us, except if the wind changes, but the disturbing effects spill over everywhere.

Knowing folks that lost their homes and every thing.

Talking to someone who has someone in their family or friendship network that has lost a house.

I have a friend who was evacuated to that beach. She had no phone reception we didn't even know if she was alive or dead for days.

I have friends who are on day 19 or day 33 of deployment. They are all bone weary. Everyone is so exhausted.

Wildlife carers are 24/7 and have been for months. September and December were really, really tough. But it has gotten worse.

Some of them just sleep in their cars at the sites. Everyone is 24/7 there is no choice.

And there is no end in sight.

We have all this overseas assistance on offer but there are no invites for them to come when we desperately need all the help that we can get. So many more animals could be saved if we had the money and resources. We so need the money. I have been making donations myself because I know they need saline IV bags, all emergency stuff that needs to be on the ground. They don't have enough. But I have run out of money.

We are getting the overflow of animals and we are running out of money and resources. So everyone is doing it strapped.

We are becoming so creative work arounds but it does mean animals are being euthanased because Animal Wildlife Groups literally don't have enough pain relief for them or resources to treat their wounds. There's a lot of quiet weeping going on.

We have to check which roads are closed. All the time we are watching those fires near folks we know and where wildlife folks might need to go to rescue animals.

I don't want to send someone out on a rescues that could lead to their death.

There's been smoke around us for a couple of months now. The smoke in the air is making it hard to breathe. We are wearing masks at times.

When we went down to Sydney - well the day before all but one road was closed due to fires - it's scary.

So much smoke in Sydney, the Illawarra and all the country we went through. 100s of kms burnt black to a crisp.

We have to wear masks on and off now. The smoke is so thick you had to drive slowly.

Wherever we are B constantly monitors the fires in all areas. Then I ring folks and let them know which roads are blocked.

The wind changing is huge at this time. Holy Moly a wind change brings severe anxiety.

I keep stepping up to the plate as much as I can because it just has to be done.

On Friday folks rang me with fruit to donate, and netting to donate I just jumped in the car and went and got it and then went and distributed them. Otherwise they could be sitting in a shed for weeks.

Some days I am at 5-6 different destinations. You just have to do what needs to be done. It is emotionally wearing.

Everyone is helping out. Even folks that generally wouldn't. There is no choice. We have to do it. But folks are losing their shit.

If I had the energy I would rang a PR campaign to cease and desist with Water Theft - that combined Climate Change means we are a tinderbox. The trees have no bore water to draw moisture from. It' f*cking ridiculous! But I am just way too tired.

I feel like I have failed. I went to my first protest on the environment in my teens and all that activism resulted in nothing being done.

I was at parliament house in my teens all that work and commitment I didn't make a difference.

I spoke at conferences, etc etc etc and still nothing was ever done.

Yesterday at another workshop during the section on animal burns I was asked to deliver some supplies to another wildlife group I said of course and the woman started to cry because she is so tired.

I am also cooking up food and delivering it wherever I go. Everyone knows someone who has family fighting fires, co-ordinating and all the other hundreds of things to be done etc etc etc etc. So I give them food. Some folks are donating all the money to help save the animals and I am guessing they are skipping meals to do so as they don't have much money.

With everything burnt there's no foliage available so even if we save animals lives where can we release them back into the wild there is no food.

We have been threading two dozen apples on on wire for the bats we place these 2m off the ground in the colonies. All the apples are gone in about 10 minutes that is how hungry the bats are.

I am picking up bats (yes I have all the vaccinations) that have muscle, ligaments and bone but no body fat. We are in our 5th year of a starvation event and things are about to get a whole lot worse.

So yeah each day you get asked to do more so you step up to the plate because you have to and it's all too much and the overseas offers of help are not being accepted by our PM when we REALLY NEED THAT f*ckING HELP!

And I am doing fundraising as well because it has to be f*cking done because we need to save as many animals as possible.

I don't want to do anything anymore.

I have to drive and hour today to pick up some possum and bird aviaries so we have more space for injured animals and all I want to do is sleep.

Yeah there is a bit in my stress cup.

But I did lodge a thing with my Father's estate and that is phenomenal!

I am finding it hard to cope!

ms spock

So I realise now I am not losing my mind. It's my stress cup that is overflowing. And it's been overflowing for awhile now. I feel much better now. I thought I would going nuts.

ms spock

I have been literally coming home jumping in a shower, cleaning myself whilst washing my clothes and getting back into the wet clothes and because it is so hot they dry in 10-15 minutes. So yes it is my stress cup that is overflowing I am not going mad! Gosh I feel so relieved.

ms spock

I have responded twice because different things came up and different times.

(2) Sort the things into two categories. Those categories are 'essential/daily things' and 'future things'.
I am feeling so much better now I have realised that my stress cup is overflowing. I was panicking that I was going crazy. Thanks for reframing stuff for me. It was most useful.

I am going to lay on the couch and watch TV for a couple of hours before I go onto the Hotline. I am going to take some time off. I only have to teach three mornings Monday, Wednesday and Friday this coming week, and then one more Monday

As an example: if I was doing this exercise with my own life, something like medication management would be an essential, daily thing, along with taking care of my cats. I would choose right now to consider going to therapy an essential thing. Just remember that this is an exercise, and you can choose to deem things essential, or not. It's totally up to you.
It was a very useful example.

If you aren't confident it's essential, then just put it in the 'future things' pile. For example, if this were my exercise, I'd (also) have networking on my list. It feels essential right now, but is it actually essential? I'll ask myself: Have I been avoiding it, pushing it off? (yes) How time-sensitive is it, can it wait? (Well, I might not want it later - in fact I know I don't, because I want to reap the results of it now - but it can happen later, and those results can happen later, too. Yes, it can wait)
I couldn't do this anymore.

The most important thing is to accept that some parts of life can sit. They can wait. While they are sitting and waiting, your only job is to leave them alone.
That's the problem I have rumination.

Thinking of you.
Thank you
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ms spock

(2) Sort the things into two categories. Those categories are 'essential/daily things' and 'future things'.
I can no longer make the distinction.

Nothing about this is going to sound new to you - it's all about some mindfulness basics. What might help, though, is to use the cards as a tool to put these stressors outside yourself for an hour or two, so you can assess what is for right now, and what is going to wait. When it's waiting, let it alone.
That's my problem I can't do this at the moment.

I know, that's a lot. While I'm writing this to you, I'm writing it to myself at the same time - because things feel like they are coming apart at the seams in my world, too. I've tried this thing with the cards before, and it helped then. Hoping it can help you - and me - now.
It's very helpful because I was totally lost.

Thinking of you.
Thank you I had started to spin out and then extra stuff happened and I was just spinning out and got concerned that I was going mad.

It's been really weird.


@ms spock

I'm, wow.

May you and all of our Aussie friends, human and non-human, find a way forward, somehow. ...and may it RAIN!

ms spock

I have removed the biggest stressor. I quit the crazy making shit workplace that was just awful. And it was triggering me out of myself to a really serious degree. I am going to have a rest now. They agreed that the Crazy Woman 65 would no longer have access to parents and kids due to unfortunate behaviours of being abusive to staff and kids. Yeah well I got ambushed by her on Friday (with no notice) and then again they ambushed me with another person today. I got very angry. I was f*cking furious. I also felt incredibly anxious and you know I kept it together, taught really well and all the parents and kids didn't want to leave. They stayed and stayed and chatted and chatted. So I made sure I didn't get left on my own with Crazy Lady 85 or Crazy Lady 65. And I just left. I was so f*cking angry afterwards. I was so f*cking angry!

ms spock

I'm, wow.
Some folks are doing it really tough. I am concerned about them. I do little bits to help.

May you and all of our Aussie friends, human and non-human, find a way forward, somehow. ...and may it RAIN!

It's the water theft that's the problem. There's no water for the trees to draw upon from the bores, so there's no rain because there's no transpiration from the trees. It's too late. We have gone over the tipping point.

So now we have to learn to live with this new normal.