Inability To Accept Affection

[AliCrash24]

Is it normal for someone suffering from PTSD to suddenly reject all romantic, friendly, and family related affection and caring advances? This is something I've struggled with understanding for months now. My relationships are suffering because of it. I've noticed that I begin to feel severe anxiety, and I shut down for a few hours whenever someone tries to make an affectionate advance towards me, whether it be physical, emotional, or verbal. It's frustrating to be unable to make connections with others because I'm so afraid to let another person into my safe little emotional bubble.

 

[Deleted member 38644]

I do. I dont go to family gatherings. I don't want your attention on me when I'm tired of seeing you. If I sit at the table please don't stand around me or behind me. I hate crowded places. I don't wanna hear about your love stories when we can't even relate because it makes me sad. Please dont have a crush on me because you wont receive a response. If I was in another State things would be different.

 

[heyheyhey]

I do too :). I take a while to feel comfortable around people, and if you are negative or something, then I won't feel comfortable at all, I need space for myself and can be sensitive. It is something that can get better though :). The main things I try and deal with, are trying to understand that 1. These people aren't by abusers 2. I'm not being harmed and rejected in that way anymore, so even though things may hurt - it is a flashback. Trying to use CBT to rationalise things. I also try and use some kind of yoga or mindfulness to stay in the present. Somatic Experiencing has really helped me want to open up, and has helped me be more spontaneous and connected in social situations. I am trying to explain to people that it's just PTSD stuff, but they don't really get it - or it still affects them.

 

[tobunika]

For my guy, it seems that more like telling him how I love and like him, what works is building the trust, have a patience and just be there for him.

There are so many guides for supporters telling to show love and affection for sufferers. But mostly I've read opposite/negative reactions from sufferers on this forum. It's confusing.

 

[heyheyhey]

For my guy, it seems that more like telling him how I love and like him, what works is building the tr...

What do you mean by the last comment :)?

 

[tobunika]

@heyheyhey I wanted to say that on one side there are web pages/books with message: show people (with PTSD) you love them...

But on other side reading about emotions and feeling from sufferers on this forum, there is different message: to show me you love me, it's too much pressure... and I shut down and start to push you away.

That's what I meant. Sorry for a confusion.

 

[heyheyhey]

@heyheyhey I wanted to say that on one side there are web pages/books with message:...

Hi @tobunika :), that's okay - no problem, I just wanted to understand for definite what you meant. I'm sorry that it's so hard for you guys, you do such an amazing job of taking care of us. Sometimes we can't always express how much it means to us, I know i am so grateful for the love and kindness my boyfriend shows me. I guess it's like, please show me you love me, but also understand that i need space. It must be hard and confusing, because I suppose sometimes as a supporter, it feels like you must support and take care of us, and it must be disconcerting and confusing when we turn away. I guess sometimes, we need the space to take care of ourselves and work through our feelings ourselves too, it doesn't mean don't love you or care, but I know that is hard. It would be nice if you could all see inside and see how much we do appreciate and value your support.

 

[tobunika]

@heyheyhey I learned to look for small gestures and signs :)

It's hard for all of us to get out from our comfort zone. No need for excuse. You fight your fights everyday. We learn how to understand and support you everyday.

With PTSD from childhood abandonment, emotional intimacy must be a scary thing for him

Two weeks ago, he had very bad days (The worst since I've known him. It seems like abandonment depression attack).

He's doing better everyday, but we still have limited communication, which is the hardest part for me.