Sufferer Incest survivor learning how to talk

[Lola Nocheprieta]

Reading my writing aloud switches me from the intellectual to emotional in a heartbeat.

Yes, I feel this too! i do a lot of writing in my art journal and only rarely just show it to my T. I usually either read it aloud or verbally explain the symbolism to her, even though it can be so hard to get the words out. It helps kick me out of pure verbal/rational and into more of an emotional state. Sometimes I just want to mutely point to something, an image or swipe of paint or obscured scribble writing, as if that should explain everything to her, but I know she'd never let me get away with that, lol! I did 2 spreads (4 pages) on why I make art (I shared one spread in Media forum), and one thing that I wrote was (this is paraphrased from memory) that "I make art because I never talk about the details, because there are no words ... I make art to show what I cannot tell."

 

[Texassam]

In addition to myptsd (here), Consider ISA (incest survivors anonymous) or SIA (survivors of incest anonymous). There are in person meeting and phone meetings to verbalize the experience in a safe emvironment. Also RAINN (rape, abuse,& incest, national network) as a resource.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

Welcome, Aida!
You are NOT alone....not here! There are SO MANY awesome, and amazing people that will surround you, with compassion, empathy, and encouragement!

We all know how hard it is to get the words that describe our pain out of our heads, onto paper or for someone else's ears.

Each story is different, our traumas are different, and the age we were are different, but our pain is much the same. Agony, shame, fear, and pain.

It took me YEARS in therapy to say the words. I had LOTS of other issues to work through, and it did a lot of good. But, there was ALWAYS the CSA hiding, and underlying in the parts of my heart, mind, and soul.
Once I got it out, it was REALLY helpful in learning why I had such deep self-hate.

When we learn shame so early in life, it truly changes who we were going to be. But, as long as we reach out, refuse to give up, and fight for our healing, we can find the best
"new normal", and learn to be happy, in spite of our experiences!

Therapy can help us learn that we are not bad, and there is NO evidence that we should feel shame or guilt. We did not ask for it, nor did we deserve to hurt. AT ALL!

You are VERY WELCOME HERE, and I hope to get to know you!

Blessings to you!
AKJ

P.S. I'm sorry for the length of my post. I think I write "books" sometimes. I am passionate about the Forum, and the amazing members!

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

Welcome, Aida!
You are NOT alone....not here! There are SO MANY awesome, and amazing people tha...

Well said!

 

[Bloomy]

Strange to find this post according to what Ive been thinking of today namely the traumas from childhood, upbringing and family.
Thought to my self if its ever possible to talk about how it was without me becoming confused, dissociate, cry, get hysterical and so forth. That maybe I should make an attempt to post here just to see if I can talk about it rational.

Good post and you are brave - take care.

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

Thought to my self if its ever possible to talk about how it was without me becoming confused, dissociate, cry, get hysterical and so forth.

It's hard. It just, it's always going to be hard I think. Painful. I just want to get to the point where I can say what I need to say, to not die alone with these memories with no one but me (and the abusers) knowing what happened. I want to get to the point where I cry, yes, but it doesn't take my mind entirely "offline" leaving me unable to function for a week. I have to trust that there will come a time when talking about it will be hard and painful ... But ONLY hard and painful, not disabling with fear and shame spikes.

We got to be strong, just to keep on keeping on (Gladys Knight.) Keep on keeping on, @Bloomy, @Panda, & everyone!

 

[rosey]

hi,

you are very brave for talking about your experiences and right to take your time, it is your story and you set the pace. It is early days for you and opening up when you have kept it all in for so may years (i have one of those t-shirts) is never going to be easy or pleasant. All I can say is that self-care and self-compassion helped me, learning to take good care of yourself is so important, i fought hard against doing this before giving in to know i was worth all of that. I also found that meditation and mindfulness (which art can be used for) really helpful in slowing my mind down and stopping the overthinking.

 

[Bloomy]

@Lola Nocheprieta I aim to be brave :-) Blessed be our healing path - yes we can do this!

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome! :) :hug:

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

@Lola Nocheprieta I aim to be brave :) Blessed be our healing path - yes we can do...

Blessed be!

 

[Mover2]

So, I guess this isn't actually talking yet, but baby steps right?

I was molested and raped by my brot...

I know this was a older post, I am also in my 50 s and dealing with the shame ithere are no words.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

I am SO sorry that this happened to you! I was about 50 when I started working on the molestation from my brother. I'm not sure why it seems like we wait until we are in our middle age group. But, it is DEFINITELY worth working on, no matter how old we get!
I hope you are able to find a good therapist who can help you with this...