StressedOutHusband
New Here
Hello...my handle kind of says it all. I am a driven career senior manager, who has a great relationship with God, wonderful kids, a cool new house, decent cash (yes, we can all use more), and this dynamically driven equal of a spouse who is the love of my life. She got away from me once when in college, I married another... It didn't work out, and when we found eachother again....let's just say name the 4th of July fireworks show of your life and add one more firecracker to it. We shared all of our pains, sorrows, setbacks in life, and the healing that God has provided to us both. We married quickly, and I would do it all over in a heartbeat.
So why am I here? She told me when dating that she had been molested by a close family member, victimized repeatedly by her mother's bf for a season, beaten by her step father to the point they would run away from time to time trying to get away from him, all to make it to college and suffer being raped. She shared with me her pains as I was dealing with the sorting out of my failed marriage. She also tols e that she had been counseled and found healing by the Grace of God.
We have only been married fewer than 10 years, so yes we are seasoned rookies. Over the past year or so, she has begun opening up her Pandora's Box of trauma if you will due to a text she received from the close family member who apologized for what happened when they were kids. This started a slow progression to her shutting down or greatly diminishing our intimacy due to everything we share reminds her of her past horrors. I can't kiss her with my tongue, because an abuser did it. I can't have long enough four play because mentally she's fighting just to ve in the bed. She runs to the bathroom immediately afterwards, then refuses to let me hold her for the remainder of the night. She gets very defensive when I refer to her as being the most important person in my world. She blew up at me for saying a vacation anywhere with the most important person in the world to me was more important than buying s new TV I had been drueling over. She even shit down on me for two months because I would not do individual counseling. Yes, I finally caved....and it's not helping. I need help with how to survive this.
I am tapped out, she has driven me to counseling myself but the counselor doesn't have any advice for me as a supporter other than maybe you should focus on yourself more. I am frustrated. I am irritated. I am worn out. I am so down that I do not know what more is there to look forward to in our relationship. There appears to be no endgame in site. I'm not here saying fix her please, fix her. I am a supporter who feels left out in the cold and rain and it's February in North Dakota.....oh and she's telling me to take the polar bear plunge.
It is not my nature to seek help outside of myself and my God. However, I am in great need of support, encouragement, wisdom, etc. I recognize in my studying of her abuse that this was going to be a long haul....but recently, she has declared to me that she has PTSD as a result of all of her pain. I've been waiting five years for her to get to this point. Now I almost regret it. I could go on and on over this, but I guess I better leave it alone and wait to hear your feedback.
So why am I here? She told me when dating that she had been molested by a close family member, victimized repeatedly by her mother's bf for a season, beaten by her step father to the point they would run away from time to time trying to get away from him, all to make it to college and suffer being raped. She shared with me her pains as I was dealing with the sorting out of my failed marriage. She also tols e that she had been counseled and found healing by the Grace of God.
We have only been married fewer than 10 years, so yes we are seasoned rookies. Over the past year or so, she has begun opening up her Pandora's Box of trauma if you will due to a text she received from the close family member who apologized for what happened when they were kids. This started a slow progression to her shutting down or greatly diminishing our intimacy due to everything we share reminds her of her past horrors. I can't kiss her with my tongue, because an abuser did it. I can't have long enough four play because mentally she's fighting just to ve in the bed. She runs to the bathroom immediately afterwards, then refuses to let me hold her for the remainder of the night. She gets very defensive when I refer to her as being the most important person in my world. She blew up at me for saying a vacation anywhere with the most important person in the world to me was more important than buying s new TV I had been drueling over. She even shit down on me for two months because I would not do individual counseling. Yes, I finally caved....and it's not helping. I need help with how to survive this.
I am tapped out, she has driven me to counseling myself but the counselor doesn't have any advice for me as a supporter other than maybe you should focus on yourself more. I am frustrated. I am irritated. I am worn out. I am so down that I do not know what more is there to look forward to in our relationship. There appears to be no endgame in site. I'm not here saying fix her please, fix her. I am a supporter who feels left out in the cold and rain and it's February in North Dakota.....oh and she's telling me to take the polar bear plunge.
It is not my nature to seek help outside of myself and my God. However, I am in great need of support, encouragement, wisdom, etc. I recognize in my studying of her abuse that this was going to be a long haul....but recently, she has declared to me that she has PTSD as a result of all of her pain. I've been waiting five years for her to get to this point. Now I almost regret it. I could go on and on over this, but I guess I better leave it alone and wait to hear your feedback.
