Initial consult triggered sh/si urges

[scout86]

What's the downside of reaching out to the therapist you've been working with? Transitions are tough anyway. Maybe it will help to share you doubts about this new guy. Maybe you can get some useful information/ perspective.

 

[KwanYingirl]

You do sound distressed. To me, the comment from the online therapist was about “first do no harm”. My therapist says that to me when my mind is racing and I can’t slow it down. When I used to cut, sometimes I’d call the sexual assault hotline and talk to the volunteer. I think I understand that your job is closely tied to the institutions that you don’t want them to see the PTSD in you. You have nothing to be ashamed of. I think your urge to cut was the way you used to cope when you didn’t have the accessible therapist you’re transitioning away from. I think that even under ideal circumstances, it’s always a slippery slope to get a new therapist. It can initially derail you, until you bond with a new person.
Watch a comedy on TV, that’ll redirect your thoughts!!

 

[FauxLiz]

@scout86 I guess the only downside is that it feels awkward reaching out when I am trying to get used to not having him for support.

 

[FauxLiz]

So I reached out to my soon to be former therapist last night and it has been over 12 hours. I know he is not on vacation as he did that in early July and he has never gone this long without responding. I am feeling adrift right now and I honestly don't know how I am supposed to feel. My mind keeps jumping to what a fool I was to have ever trusted him, that what am I thinking he probably celebrated the day I told him I was relocating because now he was rid of me and that I was right all along that he had been looking for an opportunity to terminate me as a client.

 

[KwanYingirl]

The only sure way to know what he’s thinking is to speak to him. I’ve had similar feelings toward my Psychiatrist. I had convinced myself that he didn’t return my calls was his way of getting rid of me. It turned out that his building lost their phone service and they lost all their voicemails. But what did I do in the meantime before I find out it wasn’t about me at all, I started searching for a new Psychiatrist and meanwhile gettin my prescriptions from my family doc. I couldn’t find anybody so I settled on a community mental health clinic and the person I saw was just the meanest bitch ever. So I decided that what I really wanted was my original Psychiatrist. I called to make an appt with him to discuss this and they said to come in in a half hour. That’s when I found out the missed communication was a phone company hassle.
It’s such a typical way of thinking for us with PTSD. It’s my fault, I don’t deserve care, nobody wants me in their practice, etc.
Bottom line? What do you need right now? Can you connect with the new guy? Yes, ok, so your old therapist isn’t calling back. Can you call the office and make an appointment with him? There may be many reasons he didn’t call back. Maybe he’s taking a long weekend, maybe he had to go out of the area for a family function or someone’s wedding.
Here now you have the power to soothe yourself. Validate yourself that you are deserving of care. I’m not sure where you live, but can you call a hotline to talk to? Is it a beautiful sunny day where you are? A good brisk walk taking in nature or whatever environment you live in. Can you go to a movie with a friend? Distractions can put distance between what you know to be true vs what you are imagining is true. You do matter. Around here, therapists take every Friday off. Mine never told me that until I confronted him about it. If I email him on a Friday, I don’t get a reply unless I specifically need him.

 

[FauxLiz]

@KwanYingirl I have access to his cell phone so that is how I reached out. I can't contact the new guy his policy is no contact, if it is an emergency I can call the office and they will either reach out to him or refer me to emergency services. Do I have the power to self soothe? To some extent but it hasn't been through healthy alternatives. The new therapist is out from yesterday through the 6th of August on his vacation so even if I reached out it would be pointless. Soon to be former therapist and I have an appointment scheduled for next Saturday morning the 4th. I know the therapist I am transitioning from doesn't take Fridays off as we had weekly sessions at 7 am on Fridays from the past three years. We had twice a week sessions and if there was ever an issue with Tuesday or Friday we would do a Saturday morning session he always has responded until this week even if I was in crisis and he was on vacation he would respond within a couple of hours via text even a schedule a phone session if necessary. That is why this is so devastating to me the no contact at all.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I see your point. That sucks. What can we do to help you?

 

[Hopeforlife]

Hi @FauxLiz i am sorry you are feeling like this. I am also hanging on waiting for a response from my Therapist. :(
It’s so tough when our minds go into overdrive.

I am trying to break everything down and figure out which part is making me feel like this and trying to fulfil needs of this part in other ways rather than SH. Is this something you can try to do?

I’m trying to convince myself that my therapist has some important things she has to do and I will get a call or text eventually or she’s testing me on how I can cope on my own.

Have you sent him a text or have you tried to call?

Sending hugs if you accept them. :sorry:

 

[FauxLiz]

@Hopeforlife it has been 48 hours since I texted him with no response. I have tried distracting myself with unpacking boxes and rearranging furniture. Thank you for the hugs. I am trying to be good to myself but not always succeeding.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Don’t be hard on yourself. Therapists take care of People that are suffering. He has people more severely distressed as you and some that are less, so I wouldn’t let the fact that you need support make you feel unworthy. You are!!! The system seems to be failing you. Let’s shift your attention away from that frustration and discuss what it was that triggered your SH/SI in the first place.

 

[blackemerald1]

@FauxLiz - I have just read this thread and I am really sorry you are not doing so well right now.

My observations of what you have written are that you have such huge expectations of yourself - don't you? :hug:

You have just moved yourself and everything you own; unpacking and finding things; started a new job; started a new Therapist; had to set up all the services that go with living in a new place. Establishing new routines....so many new things going on. So much incredible responsibility and not just for yourself!! Your employment and what you do is extremely important to society.

Give yourself a break girl you have a lot on! And you don't have a massive support network to lean on while you do all of this.

Giving a history to a new psydoc or T is time consuming and difficult. It takes lots of effort on your part and you need your new therapist to listen, perhaps record things, get it right and get up to speed relatively quickly. That's not easy on either of you.

It takes time for you to familiarise yourself with your therapists standard responses and develop that trust that is so important. It is also exhausting and creates uncertainty.

I think you are reacting because you have too much going on. I know there isn't anything you can do to alleviate most if not all of the tasks and changes you are undergoing. I just want you to not expect everything to come together perfectly all at once though, I am sure you are not consciously expecting this. Some things must... like establishing a work routine and basic utilities etc., but establishing a relationship with a T on the level you need - takes time And that is a huge problem when destabilisation occurs.

I hope your former Therapist has contacted you by the time I write this. If not, I would totally send him an email, another text or if you are not confident messages are being received ring...his office? You need the comfort and reassurance that your former therapist can provide you with now. He knows you. It is unrealistic to expect yourself to go through all this stress and change without holding onto some support.

He doesn't think you are any of those derogatory things that you are thinking he thinks. He has proved this by seeing you for three years. He didn't do this because he had to. He could have tipped you into someone else's case-load if he thought those things. He may have had any number of variations in his private or professional life that you are unaware of. He is a human and things happen. You know this.

So reach out to him and keep reaching out until you are sufficiently settled with the new therapist to confidently move on. I don't think you should be worried about not being able to let go at all. You have proved you can move on because you have just made a massive move with your life. So there is no doubt about that. Psychologically there is going to be some destabilisation. You are not 'too needy or abnormally attached" to your old T' - you are being completely normal.

Remember even good stress is still stress.

You are outside of your comfort zone right now. But it will settle down. So concentrate on the things that will give you comfort, delay/distract yourself from SH/SI. I don't know what is in your tool chest but yank them out and put them into use. Eat some nice food. If you have a ok bathroom... making it nice with things you like; making you bed up with nice fresh linen; ring up and book in a hair-cut or a treatment; nails, toes, facial, or clean out your car; buy a nice pot plant. Anything that gives you some head space and isn't anything to do with responsibility and obligation relating to work or stressful events.

And if you have a National hotline. You can call anonymously can't you?

I think you are an awesome woman and are such a high functioning person that you do not tolerate yourself operating at any less than full on. You are doing brilliantly @FauxLiz.

I am thinking of you. :hug:

 

[scout86]

^^^^^ All of that!