Inner Critic: What Does That Mean To You?

[Tinyflame]

just me here- good for you, that's 'sane', useful, accurate (and brave).
(And novel

)
Thank you.

 

[Tinyflame]

(And if you can't think of a rebuttal at the time "Out of Order" or "Court is recessed" also definitely applies).

 

[Sterre]

I've found that my inner critic is, besides sabotaging in building up my selfesteem, is also trying to protect me.The way my inner critic tries to protect me is based on very negative schema's, I can sometimes see that my inner critic is just a teriffied - or outraged- little helpless girl trying to prevend more pain and failure by mimicing the messed up standards of my caretakers. After all that was all she had to go by.

My inner critic helped me achieve things ( not in a nice and friendly way, but very demanding and with very high standards), and gave me some ( deformed) tools to be able to decide what was right and what was wrong.

The more I used to fight my inner critic ( and failing misarable in my attempts) the stronger and more demanding it got. So I tried to see what it is my inner critic really wants. It wants attention, it wants to be heard, and it wants to protect me from futher pain and failure by staying frozen and depressed.
When I am aware of my inner critic II try to appraoch her with understanding and sympathy, and will listen to what she has to say. Then I will try to comfort her and make up my own mind about the dangers or possible hurt/failure that I am facing in that particulair situation.

What frustrates me is that my inner critc has become such an automatic part of me, that it's really hard to recongnise when I am on automatic pilot ( negative thinking, high standards,blaming myself in a very harsh manner, guilt trips i.e.). I am stil trying to unravel the automatic mechanism when my inner critic gets triggerd and takes over.

Thanks for starting this topic, it's very helpfull to read about other experiences!

 

[Nighthawk]

What a good topic. If only I could tell myself that my inner critic was wrong. Attaches itself to all the bad messages. I am not good enough no mater how hard I try. Parts of me want to stop trying. The worst part is a person does not even need to be talking to me to get the inner critic triggered. A person can be giving another person a complement and I will take it and hear it loud and clear , just one small example of many. I hope I got this correct.

Thanks NH

 

[just me here]

nighthawk, I know what you mean i think. If you hear someone else being complemented, you start to wonder why you aren't getting the same compliment, and that becomes like a criticism in your mind. I do that too, my inner critic is always looking at others as a measure of how I am unsuccessful. For me thats an easy one to argue away, I can tell myself that just because someone else is doing well in a situation I am just getting by in doesn't mean I have failed. But there is still a part of me inside telling me I need to earn the same praise, score the same points as others around me so I don't get kicked out of the pack. We are just wired that way

 

[Nighthawk]

Just me here
You got the nail on the head with that, I could not have said it better

NH

 

[KP the nut]

I often get a voice saying I'm worthless and why talk. No one will listen anyway.

SC - I could have written that

My critic tries to sabotage my every movement.

"Why do that, you're not worth it" Why try to make the house nice, you're not good enough, pretty enough, clever enough.

I try and fight back, do stuff for me but sometimes the inner critic wins and I can't fight any longer

 

[Trinomial]

No one judges me more harshly than myself.

However, there is a difference between me thinking I can do better and me telling myself horrible things that my mom or her husbands/boyfriends and the others would say.

For example, if I cry and tell myself that I am being childish--or if I get frustrated and angry at how people treat one another, and it gets me worked up to the point that I show emotions, I come down on myself and think I am being crazy--but that is because my mom et al told me I was childish for being sad, and later, crazy for being depressed when I couldn't handle her antics any more.

When that voice talking down to you comes from years of being told negative things, it is called introjection--which is exactly what it sounds like, the opposite of projection. You do something, and you introject what others have said and done to you, rather than just viewing it without that taint or poison.

 

[Sterre]

I come down on myself and think I am being crazy--but that is because my mom et al told me I was childish for being sad, and later, crazy for being depressed when I couldn't handle her antics any more.

Ah, the crazy card! Yeah, always works well huh?
It's a very familiar thought for me. Thinking I'm crazy for feeling any emotion, always doubting myself and the things I feel and do.

When I was scared as a child, or sad, or happy or whatever, my mother always responded in the same way: Don't act so crazy! You are a crazy child!
To her my normal feelings must have seemed odd because she didnt/hasnt have any. She didnt/doesnt know how to respond, she could/can not emphatise or relate to normal feelings. So I ended up with doubting every feeling, and seeing every feeling I feel as crazy and distorted.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Writing down the inner critic's words was very revealing to me. I could then see how toxic they were, and identify the original 'voice' they came from.

Not that I don't let them speak, but on good days...I don't believe them as much.

 

[Iam]

Wow, what a great topic! My Ts and I talk about the inner critic quite a bit. She seems to rear her head quite often.

Dylan and Sterre hit on exactly what both my Ts and I have been discussing. That the inner critic is a frozen ego state and is quite young. That she protected me the only way she knew how, that she and the other ego states are continuing to try to protect me in the same way even though they are now outmoded forms of protection.

Dylan, I have to LOL at your comment about not having DID. When my T explained about the frozen ego states that was exactly my fear. She chuckled when I asked about that and said "no", but..... it still feels that way sometimes. I have identified 6 separate ego states, the youngest of which, 2 years old, was fairly easy to settle down. The inner critic seems to be the hardest of them all to reach and soothe.

My EMDR T encourages me to understand what happened to cause the inner critic (and other ego states) to try to continue to protect me in this way. She suggests that I speak to the inner critic with compassion, telling her that she did a really good job and that I appreciate what she did, but that she can rest now, that I will take care of things, that I can and will protect her.

Last week my T gave me a new assignment. To write letters to the frozen ego states. I did it with the 7 yr old who is very angry and has been extremely resistant to letting me close. It worked, she cried and cried and finally let me comfort her. I haven't done it with the inner critic yet. I don't like her. I tried to talk with her yesterday and got this really malevolent feeling. Something behind the inner critic. IDK, sounds weird even to me. I need to somehow find compassion for her. A thought just occurred.....maybe it's the inner critic speaking that can't find the compassion for herself......ah geeze it just all keeps twisting back onto itself LOL!

All this to say, I think everyone has an inner critic (a very much needed moral conscience), those of us with PTSD seem to have frozen ones who are extremely dogmatic.

CB I think the writing down of the critics words is a great idea. Writing seems to help me sort out what is really going on so I think I will try it. Once we can identify the wrong thinking then we can "talk back to it".

JustMe.......I love your idea of the "gavel banger"! Would you mind if I used it?

 

[Heather]

This is such a loaded question......Glad you asked it!

My inner critic was screaming in my head so loudly and negatively and that's the reason I would cut myself on my face. It was tough hearing that I didn't have just your run-of-the-mill self-loathing but it was severe self-loathing.

I'm still battling with those messages that I received from childhood that told me I was stupid, ugly, did things "half-ass" . I am getting better at ignoring my mother and her insults. I see her for what she is: a clueless b**ch. It still makes me angry but it doesn't penetrate as deep and I recognize that it has so much more to do with HER than it ever has to do with me: MAJOR PROGRESS. She's still an idiot

. ( It ticks me off that you need a license to own a dog but anyone can have a child. Seems a bit bacwards to me.).