Inner Kid Work

[RubyBlue]

So I’m torn, my T is working with my traumas but is usually very present/future focused. But I’ve seen a ton of people on here doing inner kid work. My T isn’t experienced in that and no I have no interest in changing to a different T. But I do recognize I have a lot of torn feelings/reactions much in like an adult side and kid side. So I’m thinking I should do some inner kid work on my own. What are some resources and tips?

 

[Ronin]

Tips?

Don't buy into the inner kid hype :p
Dead serious. While finding out what gave you strength to live as a child, and what meant what differently then, as compared to now, has merit, and can be healing...

Getting lost in a sense of helplessness and despair and fawn and baawl that so many 'inner child' 'self help' books are proponents of isn't useful.

And if you are dissociative disorders spectrum, as opposed to however complex PTSD? It can be outright disaster. So not recommended.

 

[ladee]

I have found inner child work very beneficial and healing. I started with a book called 'Healing the Child Within'.

My little one had been abandoned and I, as an adult, was able to do a lot of healing work by going back and 'reuniting' with her and being the parent she never had. She is a part of my life. A part of the whole me. That was left damaged and broken. Doing this work has been wonderful to find the spirit and awesome qualities of her no one acknowledged before.

I wish you well if you chose to do this. It was for me, and many others, a very integral part of my healing journey.

 

[joeylittle]

But I do recognize I have a lot of torn feelings/reactions much in like an adult side and kid side.

I'd start by bringing this observation up with your therapist - because it might be useful information for your trajectory with them.

Bigger picture - It's pretty normal to develop a stronger awareness of your own thoughts and feelings as a result of therapy. It's also not unusual to feel like these reactions can sort themselves into different perspectives. But we (humans) all adopt different attitudes and responses based on various stimuli.

The important thing, IMO, is how you recognize your own feelings and reactions right now - and you're doing that.

But I'm curious - what is appealing to you about the inner child concept? Answering that might help you get more specific about what you're hoping to achieve.

 

[ladee]

Not knowing where you are on your healing journey, I forgot to add, that I did not start this work until I had a number of years in therapy.

 

[RubyBlue]

But I'm curious - what is appealing to you about the inner child concept?

All good points from everyone. So I’m roughly a year and a half into therapy. It’s currently a hodgepodge combination of types because I just do better that way I guess. Which makes sense.

I think it’s just the concept of connecting more with my emotions and putting words and needs to them. Like my adult side is more rational, doesn’t really have emotional highs and lows. But there’s a part, that I consider kid me pretty much, that is pure emotion. That’s all that happens is pure feeling and clingy/attached to people and just completely irrational in everything. I know these two extremes need to connect and balance. Maybe I’ll talk to my T again and explain that way. Her solution prior was to have more compassion for myself ? whatever, and to do things I wanted to as a kid to kind of fulfill experiences I missed out on. But I don’t think it’s enough.

 

[FauxLiz]

Like my adult side is more rational, doesn’t really have emotional highs and lows. But there’s a part, that I consider kid me pretty much, that is pure emotion.

Maybe, you can talk to your T about emotional neglect? I have had T try to get me to connect to my "inner child" but it is not a concept that I can recognize or connect/accept. However, my current T has approached this from suggesting books that he thinks would be helpful for me to understand my experiences and their impact He started with "The Human Magnet Syndrome", can't say I liked what I read and didn't really feel like it applied but as we talked about it in sessions I could see what he was thinking and why. The most recent which might be a good place to start and something to bring up with your T is "Running on Empty" if your T hasn't read it then maybe you could both read it together and use it in your sessions to discuss your adult versus child/ emotional versus emotionally controlled.

But as they say this is just my 2 cents worth take what works for you leave the rest behind.

 

[joeylittle]

Maybe I’ll talk to my T again and explain that way. Her solution prior was to have more compassion for myself ? whatever, and to do things I wanted to as a kid to kind of fulfill experiences I missed out on. But I don’t think it’s enough.

Definitely, get into this with her in more detail.

But there’s a part, that I consider kid me pretty much, that is pure emotion. That’s all that happens is pure feeling and clingy/attached to people and just completely irrational in everything.

The pitfall (I've observed) is in getting so involved with one's inner child, that it becomes more and more normal to indulge this state, rather than work to change it.

It sounds to me like your therapist is suggesting that you can address this 'inner child' as being an aspect of you as you are right now - your adult, current self. And if I'm reading you right, you think there might be more to learn by separating out those thoughts/behaviors/feelings, labeling them as your inner child, and addressing or inhabiting them as such. Does that sound right?

 

[Survivor3]

I haven't done inner child work with my therapist but I think it's important. I don't know much about it but I think being your own parent to your inner child's needs makes sense. And making space in your adult life for your inner child's needs that he/she missed out on. Different activities and experiences.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I haven't read any of the replies but I honestly don't think most can relate to an "inner child". I do and some on here do but I think it's safe to say that most of those traumatized don't.

I knew I had super seperated personailties. They feel different. They think different. They have full and complete different personalities. They switch in my head and I even physically moved places without memory of it many times. I am now formally dignosed with OSDD (a pretty new diagnosis, first learning about it on here and bringing it up to my therapist) and I do say "my youngest part" or "my protector" to describe which alter is in the present because that changes how I think about things, understand and grasp things, act, talk, and so forth it's just helpful to know which alter is present. When my "angry teenager" part is present, I fly off the handle more. When my "protector" is present I am numb and don't seem to take in info as well. When my "youngest part" is present, I really don't take in info well and you have to break it down into smaller, almost child-like, pieces for me. When my "sexual seducer part" is present I tend to sexualize things way more. It helps all involved to know this.

All that said, my therapist always says "you". "So, you feel this", "you think that". He is always circling back around to them all being parts of me and reminding me that intergration is the goal. He never says "you're youngest part..." but rather "you..." if that makes sense.

I do think it could be helpful to work on "inner child" work if you already feel that super seperation. If you don't, I don't think it's helpful to try to create a seperation because that is "what's supposed to happen" or what you're supposed to do. Cause that's not true at all.

My therapist wasn't too keen on working with seperate alters either, but I kept bringing it up and when I speak I advise who is present because it helps me and we eventually moved into talking about it. My therapist always does more training here and there. Continual learning, I think is what he calls it. If it is already something that's an issue for you (such as already being seperated) and you'd like to work on it then I'd ask her if she can do some trainings in it as it would be something you'd like to work on. But, again, if it isn't then don't worry with it. I think "the inner child" is an overused term in my own opinion.

 

[Movingforward10]

My T is subtle with the inner child stuff so much so I barely realise she is doing it.
I think it's helpful stuff. Perhaps not in the moment (younger me has no emotional resilience and no ability to take a step back and breathe, she's always on high alert), but when I can reflect afterwards, it helps.
I get that I need to make younger me feel safe so that she can be gone (?) Or calm (?) Or something. I get 'fixed'.

I'm reading 'from surviving to thriving', doesn't really have inner child stuff but has inner critic stuff which I view as one and the same.

 

[Mach123]

Idk what to say about it except it’s funny this thread appears but when I’m really thinking about it. I first heard about this in program almost 40 years ago. I was just writing a trauma timeline. I’m doing it because I know that “stuck” is me now and it was exactly the same when I was 6 years old. I have this one image of me and the feeling associated with it is what I now refer to as stuckness or the therapist calls it that. I never saw any big success nor do I know of a particular method or book. It’s there though, it’s real. I’m averse to all things program, which most likely has helped me avoid dealing with it directly. Good luck I hope you are helped by it.