Rainrunner
New Here
Well, that's true in that I'm not a nasty person but perhaps the lack of malice is what kept me with an abuser who gave me the gift of PTSD.
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Internet Dating For Ptsd Dummies
- Post starter Gloria
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Well, that's true in that I'm not a nasty person but perhaps the lack of malice is what kept me with an abuser who gave me the gift of PTSD.
- Post starter
- #86
Gloria
Diamond Member
Dave,
I get get the same message if I put down how many times I have been married. They have filters so something in your answers gets you rejected. Don't feel bad. I've heard they reject almost 90% of applicants. I don't think it's accurate because I got matched to drug addict and ex-con on eHarmony. They are my soul-mates????
.
Yes, some people do what is called in AA as 13 stepping. Yep, I've seen it here on this forum and in 12 step groups. Ins fact, I saw a movie once where two dizzy blondes heard that they could meet nice sober men at AA meeting so they went to one and tried to fake being an alcoholic. People use church just to meet someone. Women go to sporting events and pretend just to meet someone. It is extremely frowned upon in 12 step groups but I see people kind of flirting all the time here. Who knows? Maybe we are better off with another sufferer? I think everyone that has been using this thread write up their profile and share with their experience. My profile is inactive but this thread has been so helpful to me. I don't feel like we all can empathize with each other.
I might suggest meetup groups. They have them in the U.S. for sure. Just google meetups. There clubs for everything!!! I ran a horse lover's club for a while. I joined a chicken lover's club and found out that everyone there knew about chicken diapers and had at least in their house. (My son is way too attached to his chickens!!) They have traveling clubs, gardening, movie and theater. I would highly recommend this. There is a singles group in my area but all their activities centered around drinking. I was on a cruise in the Carribean (not drinking of course) but decided that nobody and I could let hair down. OMG!!!:eek: There was a singles group and I was in a bikina and posed all these x-rated poses and they took my picture. THEN I find out they are based with a mile of my home. ONLY ME!! So I still run into people (men and women) who have some obscene pictures with me. Anyways that's how I found out about meetups. I went to wine tasting and was surrounded by men because I was fresh meat. But they were drinking and when I went up to them the next time, they didn't even remember and they talked to me for hours.
I think everyone on here is a good catch - no matter what you look like or how much money you have. You are the minority!!! I think that people on this forum are open and trying to deal with their demons. How many "normal" people do that? Since I've been on the forum I have met a couple of people outside of the forum (not dates but women) and they were awfully weird and they had really falsified their symptoms and situation.
I hope this thread keeps going because I am really finding this quite enjoyable and am dying to see how everyone does on the internet and if you go on the internet, you will have a place to vent and lick your wounds if you get rejected. In fact, maybe I will go back 'out there" and put my profile up. If other people do it, then we can kind of make it like a class project or experiment. Let's all do our homework on Internet Dating 101. I expect a term paper at the end of the quarter! LOL!! :roflmao:
- Post starter
- #87
Gloria
Diamond Member
I wrote a replay and I deleted it somehow. I know Anthony will one day have to kick me off this site because I am such a computer klutz. But I think we should use this for a sounding board and write profiles and go on line and then report back here. It would almost be like a game. If we don't take it too seriously, we might have some fun.
I will expect your research papers by the end of the quarter. You are signed up for Internet Dating 101!!:p
I will expect your research papers by the end of the quarter. You are signed up for Internet Dating 101!!:p
Profiles are just words. We all have a private meaning to those words. Im not sure that there are so many liars on the dating sites or that their description of themselves is not how I would describe them if I met them.
What are the things they dont mention that you find out when you get to know someone? Forgot to mention the passive aggressive games he is still playing with his ex wife 10 years post divorce. Forgot to mention that he is racist. Failed to mention that he carries a gun everywhere he goes. Doesn't realize that he asks you where you want to eat dinner and make reservations somewhere else regularly. Lives with mom because he cant manage his money. His idea of vacation is going deer hunting with his buddies. Doesnt realize that the way he talks to his kids is criticizing and humiliating. Cant accept change in plans, pouts when things dont go his way. This applies to women as well.
Maybe it is me that is the problem. Some of these things seem small in the scheme of things. However, with age comes wisdom. I am wise enough to know you cant change people. Sure, I am very communicating and have pointed out things that are bothersome. Next thing I know, I am in the parenting role. Thats another one (is seeking someone to manage his life ) If someone wanted to make healthy changes, they would be doing so on their own by may age (45-55).
While I would love to me in a relationship that is built on trust, I also know that an unhealthy relationship (which I have experienced) is a distraction from my own self improvement, regaining my self confidence, and empowering myself. There is nothing wrong with distracting ourselves from the seriousness that we live with in trying to get better. I just try to remember "dont invest more than you can afford to loose".
It is much easier to be accepting in a friendship (at least for me) than in a couples relationship. Those I am friends with-I am very accepting of their weaknesses (more so than of my own.) I think it is because for me, being honest and accepting of others s most important to me. I am not a game player. I don't pretend that a relationship is progressing and ideal when its not. In the past 5 years, 2 men have proposed and had engagement rings in hand even though I told them both this was not an option prior to their action. Why would they do that? Who knows what is in their head-however, it is clear that they did not listen to me as I was very clear about this. Maybe to them-even when a woman says no, doing the whole proposal thing with a big diamond in hand, will make her see how important she is, score him points, guilt her, cause her to feel sorry for him, ruin a vacation and it be her fault, or just like the rejection. He is getting something out of it or would not do it.
We do not do anything if we are not getting something out of it. So I remind myself of this when I complain about dating or dating sites. When we think they are liars, is it reinforcing our belief "dont trust"? If continuing to do the same thing reinforces our belief, then we have no incintive to change our belief, but we will also keep getting what we have always gotten.
A bit off the subject, has anyone read "The Secret"? A wonderful easy read book about the power of intention. Basically, it suggests that we attract what we think. We bring the negative into our own life by thinking about it. I find it very true in my own experience. I tend to read too much self help stuff in trying to understand ptsd and other things better. Think its time to change that and read at least as much up-lifting stuff.
What are the things they dont mention that you find out when you get to know someone? Forgot to mention the passive aggressive games he is still playing with his ex wife 10 years post divorce. Forgot to mention that he is racist. Failed to mention that he carries a gun everywhere he goes. Doesn't realize that he asks you where you want to eat dinner and make reservations somewhere else regularly. Lives with mom because he cant manage his money. His idea of vacation is going deer hunting with his buddies. Doesnt realize that the way he talks to his kids is criticizing and humiliating. Cant accept change in plans, pouts when things dont go his way. This applies to women as well.
Maybe it is me that is the problem. Some of these things seem small in the scheme of things. However, with age comes wisdom. I am wise enough to know you cant change people. Sure, I am very communicating and have pointed out things that are bothersome. Next thing I know, I am in the parenting role. Thats another one (is seeking someone to manage his life ) If someone wanted to make healthy changes, they would be doing so on their own by may age (45-55).
While I would love to me in a relationship that is built on trust, I also know that an unhealthy relationship (which I have experienced) is a distraction from my own self improvement, regaining my self confidence, and empowering myself. There is nothing wrong with distracting ourselves from the seriousness that we live with in trying to get better. I just try to remember "dont invest more than you can afford to loose".
It is much easier to be accepting in a friendship (at least for me) than in a couples relationship. Those I am friends with-I am very accepting of their weaknesses (more so than of my own.) I think it is because for me, being honest and accepting of others s most important to me. I am not a game player. I don't pretend that a relationship is progressing and ideal when its not. In the past 5 years, 2 men have proposed and had engagement rings in hand even though I told them both this was not an option prior to their action. Why would they do that? Who knows what is in their head-however, it is clear that they did not listen to me as I was very clear about this. Maybe to them-even when a woman says no, doing the whole proposal thing with a big diamond in hand, will make her see how important she is, score him points, guilt her, cause her to feel sorry for him, ruin a vacation and it be her fault, or just like the rejection. He is getting something out of it or would not do it.
We do not do anything if we are not getting something out of it. So I remind myself of this when I complain about dating or dating sites. When we think they are liars, is it reinforcing our belief "dont trust"? If continuing to do the same thing reinforces our belief, then we have no incintive to change our belief, but we will also keep getting what we have always gotten.
A bit off the subject, has anyone read "The Secret"? A wonderful easy read book about the power of intention. Basically, it suggests that we attract what we think. We bring the negative into our own life by thinking about it. I find it very true in my own experience. I tend to read too much self help stuff in trying to understand ptsd and other things better. Think its time to change that and read at least as much up-lifting stuff.
- Post starter
- #91
Gloria
Diamond Member
Brat,
We do attract what we think. I am really good at fixing things and being the caretaker. I train horses and dogs professionally and everybody always reminds me that men cannot be trained like horses or dogs. A therapist once told me that you can't change other people. He pointed out that the Nazis tried to do with torture and every kind of coercion but were still unable to change people. I've been married to many times because I got in a situation like you described and didn't want to ruin the vacation or feel guilty, whatever. The marriages were very, very short. The only 15 year relationship that I had was with a man with a terrible problem with alcoholism. He lived in my family room for years after we got divorced. We were friends and talked daily until the day he died of alcohol related problem.
You sound like you have many friends and you feel secure and happy the way you are. Good for you! I am avoiding men right now but seeking to strengthen my relationships with women. I'm such a good wife actually that I feel certain that I will be married one last time some day.
Thanks for sharing,
Gloria
We do attract what we think. I am really good at fixing things and being the caretaker. I train horses and dogs professionally and everybody always reminds me that men cannot be trained like horses or dogs. A therapist once told me that you can't change other people. He pointed out that the Nazis tried to do with torture and every kind of coercion but were still unable to change people. I've been married to many times because I got in a situation like you described and didn't want to ruin the vacation or feel guilty, whatever. The marriages were very, very short. The only 15 year relationship that I had was with a man with a terrible problem with alcoholism. He lived in my family room for years after we got divorced. We were friends and talked daily until the day he died of alcohol related problem.
You sound like you have many friends and you feel secure and happy the way you are. Good for you! I am avoiding men right now but seeking to strengthen my relationships with women. I'm such a good wife actually that I feel certain that I will be married one last time some day.
Thanks for sharing,
Gloria
Oh ya, other interpretation of on line profiles:
They took their own picture= they have no friends
They say they have a graduate degree, then list community college as school=????fool and really bad liar
They say they dont drink=their picture shows they do
They post pictures with a beautiful woman on their arm=they think matches will think "ummm-must have something"
Entrepeneur=gambler
Self employed=never leaves home
Enjoys the simple things in life=no money for the more complex, like a car and electric
Good sense of humor=???ask the ex wife???
Is 60 , seeking 45-55, but says still want kids=lying or doesnt understand women very well
Picture is clearly taken in hotel bathroom, with no shirt and his man boobs are bigger than mine=confused
Picture of his fancy car=probably his only strength
Picture of his big truck=little something else
Picture of himself , but too small to see as he bungy jumps or similiar activity=who is it?
Lots of great photo's, none of him=good photographer but not much to look at
Man in picture looks 25, lists age as 55=cut the wrong person out of the pic, this is his son!!!!!
Picture is him in drivers seat of car=thats where he lives
They took their own picture= they have no friends
They say they have a graduate degree, then list community college as school=????fool and really bad liar
They say they dont drink=their picture shows they do
They post pictures with a beautiful woman on their arm=they think matches will think "ummm-must have something"
Entrepeneur=gambler
Self employed=never leaves home
Enjoys the simple things in life=no money for the more complex, like a car and electric
Good sense of humor=???ask the ex wife???
Is 60 , seeking 45-55, but says still want kids=lying or doesnt understand women very well
Picture is clearly taken in hotel bathroom, with no shirt and his man boobs are bigger than mine=confused
Picture of his fancy car=probably his only strength
Picture of his big truck=little something else
Picture of himself , but too small to see as he bungy jumps or similiar activity=who is it?
Lots of great photo's, none of him=good photographer but not much to look at
Man in picture looks 25, lists age as 55=cut the wrong person out of the pic, this is his son!!!!!
Picture is him in drivers seat of car=thats where he lives
Rainrunner
New Here
Brat - bwahahahaha. Yes, I agree with all of the above. Too funny.
Lady of Longbourn
VIP Member
- Post starter
- #95
Gloria
Diamond Member
My ex who just filed bancruptcy and is almost 60 years old put in his profile that he wanted more kids. He has a son who he never paid child support for and never visited and who hates his guts but he thinks he can find "the right woman" and be a great dad. I told him he should be concentrating on making amends to the son he abandoned.
Brat, you interpret the profiles so well! Here's one that a guy I know told me about. If the man has a picture of himself without a shirt to show off his body, he only wants sex not a relationship no matter if he puts the standard - wanting to find my soul-mate business. Also, men who put down "DRINK SOCIALLY" are not lying but fail to mention that they go to the bar every
Oh, I had one guy who used two different names and got confused when he sent me messages. He explained that he was writing responses for his brother?? Or more like has a split personality!!:laugh:
I don't know about other countries but most of the men on the dating sites here are out of work. They call themselves self employed and don't state their income but spend hours a day on the dating sites because the jobsites are a waste of time.
On a really great note, my son met someone on line a few months back and they are starting to get serious. He showed me her picture and she looks so much like the new princess in England. My son is really good looking also. They would had absolutely gorgeous granchildren. It took three years and a lot of disappointments before my son found her.
Brat, you interpret the profiles so well! Here's one that a guy I know told me about. If the man has a picture of himself without a shirt to show off his body, he only wants sex not a relationship no matter if he puts the standard - wanting to find my soul-mate business. Also, men who put down "DRINK SOCIALLY" are not lying but fail to mention that they go to the bar every
Oh, I had one guy who used two different names and got confused when he sent me messages. He explained that he was writing responses for his brother?? Or more like has a split personality!!:laugh:
I don't know about other countries but most of the men on the dating sites here are out of work. They call themselves self employed and don't state their income but spend hours a day on the dating sites because the jobsites are a waste of time.
On a really great note, my son met someone on line a few months back and they are starting to get serious. He showed me her picture and she looks so much like the new princess in England. My son is really good looking also. They would had absolutely gorgeous granchildren. It took three years and a lot of disappointments before my son found her.
Rainrunner
New Here
So, how weird is this. I had a guy want to have a call and we chatted yesterday. It went well and we're meeting for coffee this morning. I'm ready to throw in the towel and he pops up. His profile says he is looking for a woman who is "at peace with herself". Right. ;) It will probably take me two hours to figure out what to wear to a coffee date.
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