Intimacy - How Open To Be In Therapy?

[anthony]

I have often found the key to entire aspects within those boring aspects, as people tend to think they are. The problem I have found, is because people left those boring aspects out, when they finally mentioned them months down the track, suddenly the penny dropped for them when used in context with the rest of their trauma.

100% disclosure is just that, 100% disclosure, not thinking for another as to what is and isn't important to include, but instead just write and give it all to them, nothing edited, nothing left out.

 

[SimplyComplex]

Well I journal 4000-10,000 words a week...seems like a bit much to hand to a therapist? But I will keep in mind the boring parts might not be as boring. Its good advice, thanks for it.

 

[221177]

Thanks - good to read guys x

 

[OKRADLAK]

I agree- you have to be able to tell them all. and when you can't, listen to that little voice before you get all enmeshed with him. That happened to me a long time ago. I had a T that I got totally attached to, even hitted on me!!! And still, no way could I stop. But if I told him anything he did not want to hear, he would make me feel so little and so unable.

I finally got the courage, but now when I go to T he is in the back of my head.

I am looking for a new T now and will not be easy,

 

[221177]

Sorry to hear about your experience Okradlak - glad you've moved on.

I spoke to my therapist about difficult feelings I was having re transference & that a side of me came up that I was angry at him, treating him like a father figure, & wondered whether I should break from therapy. He's urged me to talk more about this side of things as uncomfortable as they make me feel, which has been reassuring in itself.

The more I read about transference and the natural feelings that result of therapy, & since my conversation with him (and his experience of the same when he went through therapy), I feel the more trust I can give him. Scary though, but also incredibly reassuring.

x

 

[Heather]

since my conversation with him (and his experience of the same when he went through therapy), I feel the more trust I can give him. Scary though, but also incredibly reassuring.

x

I think you are so brave 221177. To be able to broach this stuff with your therapist, especially since he's a guy. That's awesome!

I've broached it with mine (a few times now) but it's kinda like a turtle who sticks its head out of the shell and immediately pulls it back in:). Very uncomfortable to do in person. I find that these conversations flow with him soooo much easier over the phone.

Kuddos to you!

 

[221177]

Very uncomfortable to do in person.
Kuddos to you!

Thanks hon - kuddos back to you!

Honestly seems like such a natural part of the process - he told me he himself really struggled with seeing his therapist, and started avoided appointments due to his feelings for her. When he finally told her, she asked why he hadn't said anything before!

Him repeating his own experience of this to me, makes me feel sooo much better, even if I was ok with it on an intellectual level before, I'm at least no longer punishing myself for the feelings akin to love that are coming up. It's natural, yes still awkward and embarrassing, but natural - let's keep at it :) xxxx

 

[seedling]

Great job moving forward!

I can relate to not feeling like you can say the stuff you are ashamed of. I think of things and say to myself that there's no way I can ever say that. Then, down the road, all of a sudden I 'm saying it and at the same time thinking - wow, I can't believe this is just coming out. And my T takes it all in so well, like it's no big deal, very understanding.

The more I open up the more I see how he operates and deals with stuff to make it easy for me. The trust builds over time.

I think if you have a sense that you are willing to push yourself then it's OK to go at the pace you can. It's the pace you are able to handle. You'll know if you are slacking off.

 

[221177]

Patience with it all is so integral xxx

 

[Heather]

I had a T that I got totally attached to, even hitted on me!!! And still, no way could I stop.
,

Okradlak - I need clarification on something. I've read this several times and am confused (not surprised these days with my swiss cheese brain) you say you couldn't stop. Stop what? Seeing your therapist?

Not sure what you're referring to here.

 

[OKRADLAK]

Hi Heather!
Yes, I kept going even though he was very inappropriate. When I finally left, I wrote many letters I never sent.

It was awful.

 

[IchBin]

I'm curious if anyone has ever thought of asking the therapist to share an equally personal story to partially reciprocate revelation of distressing personal things in therapy? I know this is generally considered a no-no as far as therapeutic guidelines go, but those aren't hard and fast rules, that is, nobody's going to punish you for breaking them. I feel like maybe if the relationship is strong enough, the client could handle hearing something more personal about the therapist as well, given that the therapist is over the issue and doesn't need comforting from the client. In any case I think such reciprocal sharing is most often the glue that holds together close friendships/relationships, and can be extremely helpful and comforting. What do you think?